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'•
A Dialogue
Angry Reader:
I FIND THE RAT's Ass™
FRIVILOUS, OB.JECTIONABLE AND OBSCENE .
WHY DO YOU FORCE ME TO READ
11?
Rat's Ass™ Spokesperson: First of all it
is very difficult for the composers of
the Rat's Ass™ to acknowledge the
existence of other people, much less
attach any importance to their
opinions. Those we do acknowledge
we see as purely for our
entertainment, and take great
pleasure inwatching them squirm.
As a matter of fact I feel as if
I'm engaging in a conversation with
myself right now. Your own
weakness forces you to read it. We
have ceased hiring thugs to increase
our circulation, although it is
commonly brought up in the
meetings of our cabal.
A
BEAUTY!
c!lra.1/
A.R.:
l'M SPEAKING TO A PERVERTED BUTT-
PIRATE WHO IS FOND OF LITTLE BOYS!
Narrator: The Angry Reader is reduced
to Nothingness, and restored as a
donkey testicle with a slightly angrier
voice.
A.D.T.:
<MUFFLED> WHAT'S YOUR
PROBLEM? I'M NOW ENCLOSED IN A
A.R.:
BUT WHAT OF JOURNALISTIC
SCROTUM!
RESPONIBILITY TO THE COMMUNITY?
R.A.™S.P.: Are you not listening? We
don't recognize Community as an
operative concept. Especially not
capitalized. Our responsibility is to
the Rat's Ass™, except some of us,
who place their dedication in deitites
of our own creation.
R.A. ™S.P.: You are asking about my
concern for your opinions? I can take
you more seriously in your current
form.
A.D.T.:
I OB.JECT TO YOUR USE OF THE
ADVERTISEMENTS FROM Goo-FEARING
TIMES, TO YOUR AVANT-GARDE
TYPOGRAPHY, AND TO THE PORNOGRAPHY
A.R.:
WHAT'S WITH ALL THIS NEGATIVE CRAP
ABOUT Goo?
IT'S OBVIOUSLY .JUST A
BUNCH OF SHIT.
CONTAINED IN YOUR PUBLICATION.
IT'S
KIND OF NICE IN HERE.
WE ALL KNOW THE
TRUTH.
R.A.™S.P.: Blasphemous Bastard. Are
you aware to whom you are
speaking?
Narrator: Rat's Ass™ Spokesperson
giggles at the squirming sack, and
destro s it a ain.
GO!!
�WHAT TH£ SCIENTISTS HAVE
A Response To Red·emption - hy: chris hrown
For (the son
<1f) 111<11111111.1 he
·1
TO~ .
Sheepish Logarhythm
slain
by Stay Joviall
S11LL Loo King 4 a savior - save your (asS)
Rhythm: metrical movement or flow
as detennined by the recurrence of
features of the same kind fr. L
rhythmus or F. rhythme -Gr.
rhuthm6s, rel. to rhein flow. (_
it is so easy to criticize a stranger: a nigger, a jaw, an addict.
ReCkLEss Youth : LoSTsOUL
GOGOGOGOGOGOGOGOGO!
THe knowledge <faged hones they know not (sigh)
The following excerpt from Gregor Samsa's
journal is to be used for our next class
1 meeting as a paradigm of Animistic Butter
Fluttonizationism. Please come to class
• ..._~ prepared to discuss the sex, gender, and
object choice implications of a functiona l
and a p riori deconstructive reading of this
text in Sanskrit.
"Tching prayed on the mountain and
wrote MAKE IT NEW
on his bathtub.
Day by day make it new
cut underbrush
pile the logs '
keep it growing."
-Ezra Pound, Cantos #53
Will you let
me be
YouR saViOuR?
Fill you with (a) LI {F} E ..
L.L.I
Q..
GOGOGOGOGOGOGOG
OGOGO!
c:::> I
::C
Maybe it was my fault. I mean, I was the one that got
.- ~p and put on all black. l pulled my hair up into a bun
~
antj put o n my most serious face before I stepped out
c:::> of the house. I suppose, though, that my first
encounter with small Japanese children has since
shaped my later encounters ...some warped kiddie
hermeneutic. Akiko-chan, my ho st-sister's friend,
came to the house for the sole purpose of viewing me.
Herro ... Look at her hair ' And her while ski11. Gosh,
she really is a gaiji11. Listen to her ji11111y
accent... make her sc~v more ...That was manageable
because Akiko-chan was so cute. Then her three yearold sister peered ·around the corner to see me. She
c:::C flattened herself against the far wall and edged
towards me. I smiled and she wailed . I felt like
Medusa. She cried for ten minutes, unable to leave the
room o r listen to her mother, who also came to view
me, as she tried to give her a cookie and quiet her I
couldn't leave the room, because I would have scared
her to death had I moved an inch. So I sat at the table,
miserable, because I caused the nervous breakdown of
a small child.
As you read these words
'
my existence is propelled.
CAN
GOGOGOGOGOGOGOGOGOGO!
oWN
you
go gou pt. went, pp.gone twalk·
move along, proceed. OE.gan, pr~.
ga,gcest, pl.gap, ppgegan + OFris.
gan, gen, pres. 3sgget(h),geith, pp.
gen, OS. -gan, inful/gan accomplish
(Du.gaan), OHGgan pres.gam,
gas, gat, games, gat, gant, andgen,
pres. f!em, ges, etc. (Ggehen), CrimGothicgeen (not in the Gothic of
?
Wulfila).
GOGOGOGOGOGOGOG
OGOGO!
taff Box
Jay Witherspoon: soap
Ann Mccranie: towel
Dave Sears: toothpaste
Chris Brown: shaving cream
Martin Fox: razor
Stay Joviall: water
The Rat's Ass is a student-produced
publication planted among the many
others on this campus by unseemly
and manipulative powers greater than
all of us. There are no restrictions
on what is published, and should
you be offended by its contents,
take issue with the staff and anticipate certain morphological/animalislic transformations occurring.
Have a nice day.
9l&ll
AGENTS,COME and EXA~flNl~
I
An Invent!on urgently ne_ded by every body, or sample•
e
eent free by mail for 50 els., which retail• for $G ea•lly, by
R. L. WOLCOTT, No. 170 Chatham &1unre, N. Y. .
Then came the hordes of little children that I passed
everyday. They all wear the cutest little unifom1s, but
don't let anybody tell you that uniforms create a wellbehaved child. As I sat down one day in the park
reading an assignment, two little girls approached me
and pulled at my hair. They were obviously not
frightened. I turned around and after a moment's
hesitation, ate them both They were quite tasty, but I
would say that in picking out small children, footwea r
should be given the utmo st attention
eE~\!;~~~
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<-"7:!';<
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1 01
tJ,., ' 'J\,U'
Subscribe for GO Sanitary Commission Pack~s, and
get 1 No. 6 American Album Watch Free. Total, $15.
100 Pacbgcs, $25-1No.10 A. A. Wa;ch and 50 Phot0graphs Free. Every Package con;a1ns ~O Rare Cnrio•itios of Art, nsefal to all, and mil ea81ly pay 500
p•ir cent.- to Agents. Eve.r y Soldier, Patriot, Lady, or
s-..,nin ncor ono anm Ono Package, 25 cents, sent
ls
p 0 ,t-paitl hy R~t.nru Mail. Sond Stamp for Oal~!ogno.
_ B. WESTBROOK &
J,
100 Spring-St., N. Y•.
po.,
Fat Boy Feigns ti!.'liet in the Humor of Absurdity:
A Pen;onohty Te<! •
by Jay Witherspoon
9
What type ot personality do you have?
Tdon't know.
b) Ask my genetalia.
c) Get ott my case, you sack of ... (caustic slur ot
choice)!!!
d) IJoo-doo balls.
e) Youtl'llme.
a)
What does the word ;;undulate" remind you of?
a) Mom.
b) Hey, look!! I formed a tent-like structure in my
pants!!
c) Smegma.
What would you do in the event of thermonuclear war?
a) Stock up on creamed corn. I love creamed com.
b) Get wasted.
c) Dt·creasP in mass.
d) NUfHING.
e) Phlegm.
What do you bt·lieve to be the worst problem
with tht• world today?
a) I just can't get close to someone when they
smel I.
b) I cannot reconcile my belief in a benevolent,
omnipotent Creator with my longing for the
carnal pleasures of creamed com.
c) Everyone in the world should be more like me.
d) Undulation.
e) My sack is caught in my zipper!!l!!i!!!!!
What articles are in your pockets right now?
I lw elixir of everlasting orgasm and about
thirty-seven cents in change.
b) My booger collection.
c) Hey, my Rocket's in there!
J) You think I carry a newspaper around in my
pants?
l') Why don' t you come over here and find out?
<1)
i
~ ·~
J~i~
•.
' li A~.
··ti
CQ11
..
What is your favorite name for excrement?
a) Mom.
b) Brown creamed corn.
c) This question.
d) Television.
e) I allow my teces to name themselves.
1 think you are nice. Do you like me, too?
a) Eat my brown creamed com, spunky.
b) You do have a superb foreskin.
c) Is this a trick question, huh? What do you
want from me, freak?
What do you think about the following poem?
Hmmm
Ahhhh
I like to
run my fingers
through the gauntlet
that is my crotch.
And speak to him
in perfect Italiano.
a) Would someone mind telling me what the
hell is going on?
b) It is a childish attempt at humor, and the
author should attempt to gain some sort of
literary ability before he insults my
intelligence again.
c) HaHaHaHa. He's talking to his pecker!!
RESULTS:
You are weird.
�
Dublin Core
The Dublin Core metadata element set is common to all Omeka records, including items, files, and collections. For more information see, http://dublincore.org/documents/dces/.
Type
The nature or genre of the resource
Newspaper
Title
A name given to the resource
The Rat's Ass, September 8, 1995, Volume 04, Issue 04
Subject
The topic of the resource
Newspapers, Publications, Satires, Zines, 1995 Fall
Description
An account of the resource
This issue of The Rat's ass dates from September 08, 1995. The front page of this issue features a debate between an angry reader named 'Angry Reader' and the Rat's Ass Spokesman names 'Rat's Ass Spokesperson.' Stay Joviall tells us 'What The Scientists Have To Say.' On the last page Jay Witherspoon talks about the Humor of Absurdity.
Creator
An entity primarily responsible for making the resource
Stay Javiall, Ann McCranie, Jhay Witherspoon
Publisher
An entity responsible for making the resource available
Memphis, Tenn. : Rhodes College Archives and Special Collections
Rights
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Rhodes College owns the rights to the archival digital objects in this collection. Objects are made available for educational use only and may not be used for any non-educational or commercial purpose. Approved educational uses include private research and scholarship, teaching, and student projects. For additional information please contact archives@rhodes.edu. Fees may apply.
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PDF
The Rat's Ass