2
25
37
-
http://archives.rhodes.edu/files/original/fdd14e28f0e99b3ab0b3ead80e490b0d.pdf
c4bf4df4d13a0e56e655843a451005f8
PDF Text
Text
~elps You
Y,,J""'le ' I
Overcome
ltlak-,. 2 ;sve 8
f FALSE TEETH
with # 1.
Communism is simply
the answer to the
following equation:
government
+compassion
Hhy? Because the
whole thing was run
by a perfect crosssection of humanity:
you had greed, hunger
it has recently come
for power, impatience,
to my attention that
and whining.
You see, this is the
communists are made
Please don't get me
main problem people
fun of a lot in our
wrong. I like America,
have with communism:
present society. To
they would have to be really. It's neat, and
all of you who partireally big. And I think
nice. Communism
cipate in this partiAmerica could benefit
involves thinking of
cular form of ridicule
others and respecting from a little commI have but one word:
unism. But I don't
them, talents, short "Phooey."
like the "love-itcomings, and all. It
I am a communist. I
or-leave-it' mentality
involves other stuff
haven't told my
too, like distribution That's not what this
parents yet; I'm
country is about (it's
of weal th, which
waiting for the right
rumored). And I don't
means the virtual
time. But there are a
elimination of hunger, like ignorance.
few issues I'd like
homelessness, etc.
to address.
(God forbid that; we
Yes, this whole
1) Communism ain't
have to have someone
was written on a typereally that bad.
to throw spare
writer. You know us,
2 } No, really, it
change a t s o we can
we' re kind of behind
i sn ' t .
go to sleep at night.} on technology.
01 -ay 'f 2 It means you W r1G LIVE THE GLORIOUS
c~ 1 ~ ~~e enough t o
ArID VALIANT PROLETARIAT
buy a yacht to match
STRUGGLE AG\INST Tl~
WILL THIS
your canvas shoes. But
OPPRESSIVE BOURCEOI
you know, it's those
CAPITALIST REGIME!
kind of sacrifices
Thank you and have a
that build character•
good night•
I think now is an
opportune time to point
out that those "damn
.
commie Soviet bastards"
f ~
or ,.e
·
Prov en formula"ma<kabi..w,.,
who threatened our way
'";'
of life, if not our
:~u~!:,:0;-;:h:::'h;:~i:
oction .. ho w
..
f
very existence, or
f,~'t;~~·~~;;":«;:;~~ ·
t t Comm
,ma11 perce n1oge ct 1hi
4 5 years weren
;:~1; 0:~0 ;;;;10•~·,;:~~1
unists. Sorry.
~
~~: .:n:~~c~~~1~h=
Just a n article
by
tom logue
:1
••
I
I
.
'
'
-
'l1fji
NEW
SHAMPOO MAKE
MY BRISTLES
AS GOOD
AS
-~PROLON?
lo ~oke
:lj
' 3•
th t
a
s
eop le c:; ay
•
•t
communic:m 1S OU
ome p
:
•
Sahsfact1on Guara nteed
-
dated' that J. t is no
longer a viable theory o
I think that human
beings suck, and that
we are no longer a
viable species. It's
not a matter of communism not working,
it's that it never
~r + h ~ l f ~ chance.
..
0
:::;e:d~r':o~O 1':1i:!U~
-If YOU WAHl TO.
f our fu end'
bovl'ld lo
v If w e G UA RAN TEfyovwcce,u Yourdu1r•~
io reo l1l v
~~~~~d
IS
Th~idb:~~e,sv:~,r~~·~h~~';'~nd,h:r;:
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."' ;;~~~a~~l~ '~;;E~RCH So d l z Alha mb,a, Calo!~
�Streaking: One Way to Get a B.A.
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Rat's Ass: So,uh, Mr. Satan,
how long have you been attending Rhodes College.
An ti-Christ: Since the
Masons founded it, actually·
But right now I am posing as
a senior.
RA: What are your views on
the current state of evil at
Rhodes?
or
..
Horror Punk Rock Song
Wizened angel of death, you're
Too old to reap; you can only
Gnaw at a young girl's.ank~es.
This encounter on a ram-slicked
Highway, you scythe with a
Road sign, impaling
Windshield glass.
1
th
' ;}
ilt
j,
"'I 1
Old beat-up Chevys can't cruise too good
Wrapped around a teleP.hc;me pol.e.
Your teenage lips wont kiss again
With that pretty little head
In your own lap.
Hope lies in the miracle of modem
· · .·~ Science,
And the gentle craft of robbing graves.
My queen
Myfover
~'
My Cadavera!
~
Marilyn's body with a schoolgirl's head,
The pinnacle of tonight's delights.
She'll keep loving long after you're dead.
See the stitches? Turn out the lights.
[!aaaaaaa rrrrrrrrrr
i'llsmashdashbashaskulland-giveafewkicks-in-theribs--mydadlikesguns-andhasbunches-bu Hhi nki 'llgo-dowu-tow1t-a11dgetag1111,
just-for-the-feel-of-i ti;
ADVICE
' ..... , , . . ... . . . . . . "
~,',
A-C: Well, not a had way to
make a living ... l've lately
found hitter polemics in
underground newspapers to
be a useful tool.
RA: What has been the focu.
of these polemics, in
general?
A-C: Oh, you know, the usu<l
sort of stuff you fl nd at
, every college: bitter
diatribes against the
administration, meaninglP.ss
poems, and a penchant for
the pointless. But excuse
me I must be going .
RA; One last question, Mr.
Satan When shaving, do yo
prefe~ a brush or a roller?
A-C: Lime.
smile and nod
in kurt reply:
Another person
whose name
I don't know
has greeted me like an old friel!d.
Vertigo a go-go
or
I'm too immature to appreciate
That Hitchcock film
Jimmy Stewart didn't need no talk
To get off
Kim Novak's clothes.
When she almost drowned, that's when
He had her
Over to his apartment.
_
} . 1 ~, 0 1· '- ;· :v.t~
.
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.
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·· The cat blew another note on his trumpet; the TV screen
' went blanh. He intoned, "Night has just fr,lfer1" --------~--
�., po\nts
\{eep to\\ 0 •
...
'
·
'
DOVI ..
~
.,.
Martin Fox's criticism in this issue of the Rat's Ass has become entirely
concerned with itself, allowing a silly amount of self-referentiality. By
isolating itself as a signifier which points exclusively towards itself, it
circumvents modes of critical discourse which, have, of course, been
assimilated by the ruling classes, as a prop to the hegemony of bipolar
thought, a fetish of hierarchical organization within a post-cultural strata
invoked by the exchange of play and structure. Although he addresses none
of these concerns, the interjection of a text in variance with this system
clearly points towards the implication of critique. It would have been vastly
improved, however, if it had alluded to Proust.
�
Dublin Core
The Dublin Core metadata element set is common to all Omeka records, including items, files, and collections. For more information see, http://dublincore.org/documents/dces/.
Type
The nature or genre of the resource
Newpaper
Title
A name given to the resource
The Rat's Ass, October 28, 1994, Volume 03, Issue 08
Subject
The topic of the resource
Newspapers, Publications, Satires, Zines, 1994 Fall
Description
An account of the resource
This issue of The Rat's ass dates from October 28, 1994. The was the "To HELL WITH EVERYBODY" issue. On the front page is "just an article" by Tom Logue which talks about communists in our society. Juan Oliptante brings up Horror Punk Rock Songs and the lyrics they follow. On the final page is a criticism of Martin Fox's criticisms.
Creator
An entity primarily responsible for making the resource
Tom Logue, Juan Oliptante, A-C Lime
Source
A related resource from which the described resource is derived
Dlynx
Publisher
An entity responsible for making the resource available
Memphis, Tenn. : Rhodes College Archives and Special Collections
Rights
Information about rights held in and over the resource
Rhodes College owns the rights to the archival digital objects in this collection. Objects are made available for educational use only and may not be used for any non-educational or commercial purpose. Approved educational uses include private research and scholarship, teaching, and student projects. For additional information please contact archives@rhodes.edu. Fees may apply.
Format
The file format, physical medium, or dimensions of the resource
PDF
The Rat's Ass
-
http://archives.rhodes.edu/files/original/7e6d95e8615f320f850502a0176c1fcd.pdf
47c911d17217ea1ce29038310523fc37
PDF Text
Text
Fecal Material Saves Lives: Doo your
'I
From:
To:
CC:
Subj:
RHODES: : LOGTB
"Pickin' up hitchhikers"
p~
29-SJ.<...
STOBJ
fisticuffs
Tyson ain't Shit
your friendly neighborhood tom logue
I by
The munnur of the crowd grew to a dull roar as the sound of the bell
pierced the muggy air in the stadium. The fight was on! This was
it, rumored to be the biggest fight of the year, and there were bets
from here to Buenos Aires on it. On the left, Civility, wearing red
shorts and weighing in at 595 pounds. On the right, Morality, in
blue and a trim 340 pounds. They closed in, and Civility rumbled,
"Be nice to that Rhodent! So what if he's annoying and likes to talk
about his SAT scores? Try to see things from his point of view;
maybe he's just feeling insecure." Morality blocked this easily -he had seen it coming a mile away. The response: "But by being nice
to him even though I despise him, I am being untrue to myself, and
since the only truth I know is my own subjective truth, I am conunitting NoTIOK.-Oddo·1L11d·End1ot nm1uN
the worst crime of all!" Civility's head whipped back, a fine spray of · · :· · · ·· ".·:~ · ·· · ··
blood flying from the nose, as the blow almost knocked him to the
,
ground. Collecting his wits, he tried a quick jab: "The only way to
~
get ahead in life is to show respect to others so that they will do the ,
./ ,
same to you." Morality sidestepped, then rushed forward and delivered
~
c:
z
a punch to the stomach, "By respecting everyone on the same level
regardless of their actions, you demean yourself, deceive the other
- ~
c:
person, and denigrate the concept of respect. Like that pompous prof
you always smile and nod to because otherwise he'll fail you." Civility
~
teetered, his torso bright red from the blow and the blood dripping
down from his face, and drew his hands in front of his face in defense.
.
"The bible says to love thy neighbor!" Morality stepped back, dodged
the wild swing, and didn't even bother to respond. It was obvious his
opponent was faltering, and he had some pity. But Civility tried to
continue: "I was taught to be polite, and I'm going to be polite! How
would you like it if everything in life were based on people's actual
opinions of each other? And shouldn't you have some consideration
for the feelings of others, huh, Morality?" The sarcasm in this last
question caused a rush of anger to our blue- clad hero, and he spun
around one last time, lightning- fast, with "I'm just here for a few
years, and i'm useless to myself and everyone else if all i do is bend
to the whims of others. I'm not going to waste my breath being nice
to assholes just to avoid offending them." Morality stood back and
watched Civility spin around in the ring before falling to the ground.
And as the ann of Morality was raised triumphantly into the air, the
Rhodes student walked around with a silly grin on his face, flicking off
everyone who said hi to him.
And he felt good.
•
An~over is better than ·none .when the tall out rams down
=
,...
=
·...
ANYONE
F0~1 · ~
ANYTHING?~
,.,.
�THE RAT' S
Ass,,.
.. -11111.-.---·
Lack
IS A THERAPEUTIC METAPHOR
OF METAMUNICIPAL MATRIMONY HARMONIZED IN
THE INT£REST OF THE GREATEST POSSIBLE GOOD.
by Davicl Scars
OPINIONS AND CRIMINAL BEHAVIOR, OUR SPECIALTIES,
STEM PURELY FROM THE UMBIC SYSTEMS OF
THEIR RESPECTIVE AUTHORS, SO IF YA BY
CHANCE TAKE OFFENSE AT DA KONTEHTS,
SETTLE
rr WITH
THE INDIVIDUAL. AND GET A
LIFE.
\lttaatllf BllOOXX
. JJ Evon•
J 1ney Witherap<>On ' Druuunond
w·11·
s
o"":r·.
lll
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Dove
Lo111ont Sonford.
RAmt s: '
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To111 Logu~' n .J Hus:to'ble
l t K.101re ' I'Ul y
1' oneJ . ll s Fot Albert
Stoy
I 23·. s.
;;r:f
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FEELIN' REAL
BY JHEY WITHERSPOON
~·
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CONFINED ·1 .sHErr£f :\ . ·: eriiif
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DECONTAMINATE
' .. '
·
· ·· · · ·; .. -- · AS FALLOUT COOLS OFF a1 1rad1fahon decr~a!~d
nd
you can safely leave s 1e ter or 1
onge1
LEAVE SHELTER
eriods. Chart is based on fallout that,
wh~n f~sh emits 6,000 roentgens per hour.
•
I
I
Q)
MUST HAVE BEEN A SCREAMING DEE.JAY .
IT IS OFTEN VERY DISORIENTING WHEN MY SENSES GET SWITCHED AROUND AND REWIRED,
BUT BECAUSE I WAS TAUGHT FROM A VERY EARLY AGE THAT EVERY ll-tlNG IS
ALL
RIGHT EVEN IN
STATES OF UTTER CONFUSION, I AM ALWAYS ABLE TO PULL MYSELF TOGETiiER AND GO wm-1
WHAT'S BEEN GIVEN ME,
I TURNED MY HEAD DOWNWARD AND LISTENED TO THE FLAT, RELAXING BASS TiiAT WAS MY
ROOM.
I
TI-lEN TURNED OFF MY ALARM BY LOCATING THE STRONGEST POINT OF LIGHT IN THE
IT WAS A CAR COMMERCIAL :
RED AND ORANGE SPLASHES SMACKING MY RETINAS INTO
CONSUMER SUBMISSION .
AFTER THE INITIAL SHOCK WHICH ALWAYS ACCOMPANIES SENSORY SWITCHING, I DECIDED
.JUST TO EN.JOY TI-lE MUSIC THAT MY BODY MADE ,
Cf)
E'
t
-.J
.-
:'5"
0
~I
c
'>.... :::s
~
I snacl. on the remains as I re~lize
is happening
DANK NOTES AND HARMONIES FILLED MY EARS AND EVEN SPILLED INTO MY ·
OLFACTORY ORGANS, SO TiiAT I SMELLED MY MOTION AND TASTED TiiE TANTALIZING FUNK OF MY
ANATOMY'S GROOVE.
I DECIDED TO SKIP SCHOOL TiiAT DAY .
I WATCHED MUSIC AND HEARD MYSELF FUCKING GET DOWN.
sumptuous shakin and rump bass bumpin toothu light wave wawa
rolling round happy slappin sippin the fly fluid funky GET DOWN
bright night light shinin sweet feet steppin out, damn/ I
swingin hard feelin far, notes slippin drippin off my arm
can't stop body flop singin dreamin 'bout the world
and feel so real. I feel so FEEL/ so I wow down round the sound
to eat up motion mangoes and stare at caca congas
that came to flop top dibby on the flip bap shimmy
blap lam goddam, grip this jimmy.
now sounds found a town round and down spin around.
I found. I sound. I am music.
.
Wi~'1'
.
l
.
.
--
····
wJ1at
NOTfl!ING, lmt it is awefufly pleasant
·Sometimes, he dreams that
he marches, and
in between the locksteps,
daydreams and remembers
scents and touches, soft light
a dripping, and po.Jka-dots
glittering and mask-like
askew glances at ephemera
clattering and reptilian
balanced or serene
wonderment over nothing
the melting of ice, because it fits,
and pieces of someone's hair,
shuttered and lacking
or maybe just in the wav.
o.oe Star Deer
I sceaJ T ·shuts
I like the smell
ot rnurs
ther remind me
when 1· m alone.
Ifell asleeyrhe first time
in a blur o white .
primed words were
jibberish in mydaze,
J
Sometimes, he's eavesd ropped
on towns or docks,
sticky, or sprawHng
imderlining the important bits.
COAGULATE!!!
Sometimes, he'd be magnanimous,
wishing for some old mao
..
or gamepekes worn with use
often shrill, but never unfogged
a has-been, admiring ether
coalesced into invisibility,
and spinning headlong,
heated and wary
supposedly yellow or perhaps white
· a number of forgotten momenta
•weathered loose, rotting
and rarely escaping their targets,
with promise and fortitude
crumbled and delayed
into a heap of smelly metaphor.
U!~iiii\\\\'l•}•··~· ..
We got spirit!
Yes, we do!! We got spirit! How 'bout you!!
Cracked . dry hands
on my forehead .
I cutt' t geuhe Clash
out of mv stereo
or you out of my head .
FEELING MY LIMBS AS I WALKED AROUND TiiE
ROOM WAS SOMETHING LIKE PLAYING RHYTI-lM GUITAR .
THEN I DANCED.
NORMAL LIFE
)on er
THIS MORNING, MY CLOCK RADIO AWAKENED ME Wini A BURST OF INTENSE LIGHT TiiAT
FLOOR .
E
-Ramt Oxinf
ovsA
cj~'* iL :
-t~·~· · ~
· :. .,.: ·
1
,
L 3 · .~
2
:1 .· .;,"·· 4·.< 'ii~ WEEKEj]a .
·, c
HOURS[U]
'"
0)
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!Sometimes
i
T J1e furniture sits very still aga.inst the walls
N o ex11rcssiou Jies in t he grains of any piece
The persistent ringing mutilates silence
Memo1·ies of similar scenes linger
Patternecl emotions thrust tlirougl1 the
a6nospl1ere into my ln·aiu
Intense delusions proc
luce powe1·ful
sensations of clelight
I know it was cold then
I heard people walking
by outside .
but 1' m not bald anymore
andvouactuallybeiieYe
I m 'a girt.
'
\Vhen I met you yesterday .
YOU swum
d o'ie
,
ihroug h the chick.
air.
in
Burring myfoce
into the thin cloth
of vour shitt
the salty dampness
seeps through to m sbn.
r
I' l1 neYer get the Clash
It's 3:15 a.m.
Where is your fungus?
om of mv stereo.
�SEASIDE.-
07.0NE I
OZO:m I OZONE: I
T l1t1,0 • h'lY-l11• la J orhrnthnlr,,,.1ftn<1• ··f•1'.l•1,,,,1.J A',.ll·•r.1 I
11·.."'uOt•ll ol Tilr.f l"'"ur u ... r<1r<1m1n<!a•"''' Ln r •ko ~h., U'nl1
lt11.11, •• to bf-h11•l o1_!f, ~t on,\~•nr.1.~ HoT~r.,
i°"
~l. L1uirr('ll("l .. llll · l~·:1, 1~1~ o! 1 ·~ ·111rt.
Tock Sat on a Raft In a Sea of Rats
1n~~r~ 4~~'!~tt0,..~~~:,f 1 ~':.;'!~~,~~~·H••.·1.,• In &iu1 .llu~J l\re ril'tl.1m
by stay jovinll
And Tick looked on from the shore,
helpless as a buttonless stopwatch;
Tock wailed lonely
and Tick remained,
cutting himself with the past.
Tock called out "Surprise will fall through your f~ce.
with the sound of rotten mellon nppmg
when your money-changer's tables
are overturned in the temple
of Eternal Now
by the push of a simple mirror,
and yet still,
you will remain oblivious
and I will be the victim ..."
--
So there's a bald guy. And
people keep telling him how
bald he is. So he has "I
know" tattooed on his scalp.
People now tell him there's
something written on his
forehead. "Really?" he says.
"I 'II be damned." And he
was right. No matter what he
did, he WAS damned. So he
went around in a devil
costume, damning himself all
day long. "Damnit" he would
say. "Damn me to hell."
Nobody told him he was bald
anymore, because what if he
were Satan? When he died,
he went to hell, damnit. And
the autopsy was perfonned on
his costumed former self. A
clumsy new a<;sistant dropped
formaldehyde on him.
·."_;~
/\1 /: .,-
(5:::;:c
, ._ ~-~ .•\1
/~~~pS~~t,~fted· th"e .cJumsy
new assistant. Down m hell
was felt a cold splash on the
legs. It assuaged the intense
pain. "Don't worry" said the
head mortician. "I don't think
he knows you spilled that
formaldehyde on him." A
chuckle. Then the head
mortician went to the head of
the table to examine the head
of the dead satan-likc man.
He was aghast, and lost his
head. "You're fired" he told
the clumsy new assistant. "I
know" replied the newly
homeless fired man. "I'm on
fire" said the knowledgeable
man in his new home.
"You're homeless for a
reason," said the businessman
to the homeless man.
,
"You're on. fire for a reason"
said the knowledgeable man'
to the newly arrived
businessman. "What's the
reason?" screamed the blazing
businessman in crazed
confusion. "It's none of my
business." He was of course
being coy. He knew.
'
MANUAL ALPHABET
LEARN TO TALK TO \'OUR FRIENDS
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Dublin Core
The Dublin Core metadata element set is common to all Omeka records, including items, files, and collections. For more information see, http://dublincore.org/documents/dces/.
Type
The nature or genre of the resource
Newspaper
Title
A name given to the resource
The Rat's Ass, October 6, 1995, Volume 04, Issue 08
Subject
The topic of the resource
Newspapers, Publications, Satires, Zines, 1995 Fall
Description
An account of the resource
This issue of The Rat's ass dates from October 8, 1995. On the front page Tom Logue discusses on why we should be a Friendly Neighborhood. Jhey Witherspoon tells us why he skipped school. Ramt Oxinf talks about his daydreams. On the last page D.C. Drake tells us a story about a balm man who went around damning people.
Creator
An entity primarily responsible for making the resource
Tom Logue, Jhay Witherspoon, Ramt Oxinf, David Sears, Stay Joviall, Planet Klaire, D.C. Drake
Source
A related resource from which the described resource is derived
Dlynx
Publisher
An entity responsible for making the resource available
Memphis, Tenn. : Rhodes College Archives and Special Collections
Rights
Information about rights held in and over the resource
Rhodes College owns the rights to the archival digital objects in this collection. Objects are made available for educational use only and may not be used for any non-educational or commercial purpose. Approved educational uses include private research and scholarship, teaching, and student projects. For additional information please contact archives@rhodes.edu. Fees may apply.
Format
The file format, physical medium, or dimensions of the resource
PDF
The Rat's Ass
-
http://archives.rhodes.edu/files/original/2274c41262b6a4b2f59d42e30733b397.pdf
78da745305c87cbb9411b0ea888009f4
PDF Text
Text
te
a
1
0
r-
The original mixed
doubles toumey.
l lj_he Original
'6'•t SCofCh.
VOLUME 3 ISSUE 7, OCTOBER 20, 21 A.D. J. (anno diamond jiin)
EXCLUSIVE FOR-THE-BENEFITOF-THE-BOARD ISSUE
An open letter to the trustees,
or, Everything's fine
by Clay Combs
Esteemed men:
Welcome once again to
our fair college, the Holy of
Holies in the Mid-south's
Temple of Higher Education .
Know that your efforts have
helped place Rhodes atop a
heap of highly competitive
regional institutions, in a
position of esteem and
intluence unchallenged as far
East as Germantown, as far
West as Hot Springs. We
thank you.
Rhodes maintains the
highest standard of excellence
in all things, to such an extent
that your visit has occasioned
no special preparation. The
Rhodes you glimpse as you
stroll from meeting room to
meeting room is the true
Rhodes, in all its glistening
workaday luster. The Rhodes
you hear administrators
describe is the true Rhodes.
The meal you take in the
Refectory is the true Rhodes.
We have nothing to hide
from you, members of the
Board.
There are no tensions
between
f aculty,
administration, and students.
Instructors feel complete
freedom to teach their courses
as they see fit, without
pressure
from
the
administration to endorse a
certain point of view. They
feel the same freedom to
fraternize with students outside
the classroom in any social
context. Students and faculty
agree wholeheartedly with
administration decisions about
tenure and faculty evaluations
via the SIR forms.
All student groups feel
themselves an integral part of
the campus community. The
tradition-rich (some say,
similarly, outmoded) system of
fraternities and sororities does
not fracture the campus into
cliques built on socioeconomic
status and manufactured
bonhomie as it does on lesser
campuses. And the minority
issue has been satisfactorily
resolved; Rhodes may not look
just like America, but we
certainly look more like
America than we did a couple
of years ago. And we think
that's good enough. It should
at least keep bothersome civil
liberties groups at bay for a
The new multimillion-dollar
gymnasium will add the .
finishing touch 10 an acclaimed
Everyone
physical plant.
agrees that all academic
programs at Rhodes are as
strong as they should be, and
that, therefore, pouring effort
into raising funds for a gym is
justified and necessary.
In short, everything's fine at
Rhodes. Any murmurs of
discontent you may hear am1c1
the cheering are only the
rumblings of one or two
disgruntled, socially inept and,
probably. atheistic miscreants
We hope they don't disc01~cer1
you . .If they do, just file a
complaint with the propei
officials and we'll have thl
malcontents taken care or
Enjoy your stay.
�Khoctes ca111pus
right off you. They are
President Daughdrill:
perceived rather than
Last week when 1 sat actual problems. I am
fown to chat with you at writing this to you in the
\T&T U1 tngs didn't quite hopes that sitting behind
.urn out well, from my your private desk these
:nd . I'm sure this comes words
might
seep
is a shock to you, through to the human
issuming you remember being beneath that navy
mr conversation about suit with yellow tie, that
acuity tension, Rhodes' ever-present smile, and
;tandards of excellence, the firm handshake
tnd how the Rockettes meant to persuade
tre
not from
my pocketbooks. You are
1 om et 0 w n,
since unassailable in person.
:verything seemed to end Everybody
(except
m such a positive note.
apparently you) knows it.
Ve were only bantering
There is no question
or the sake of bantering that you have done some
tnyway, right? No hard
mighty things for this
eelings intended, none campus. But you are not
aken . I'm afraid it's not a mighty person, or a
hat easy. I was deeply savior. You are a
listurbed, indignant, and professional who is
•ffended after our talk
incredibly good at his job,
md I want you to kno~ which at present seems
.bout it. I want you to
to be raising the money
:now because I suspect required to sweep Rhodes
hat this pattern replays
into the next century
lself too often with
poised on the wings of
ndividuals at our college. massive
fac 11 tty
vve both have a stake to improvements. You say I
laim. don't we?)
don't know the whole
Everything ls always so
story. After talking to you
·ositive
with
you. one on one at the lunch
"!consistencies,
table I don't need to.
and, after an hour of
ggravalions,
These are the things I sterile conversation, you
eactionaries, injustices, would have said if, to had let me speak. I can
ifractions, egalitarians, begin with, I hadn't been appreciate your need to
~ nsions-they just roll
so careful not to offend· always have the last
'
' word, it's your job. But
called by
· \ this time I'm taking it.
I guess the thing that
the Lord to become a Presbyterian
really shocked and
p
offended me was how out
reacher, then received a higher
of touch you were with
calling-to become a college
the mental and material
·
president.
,,j ., .,
reality of daily life at
4..~
·;; :. .o Rhodes. I long ago
~
Has helped Rhodes make .: g:, ~ : . noticed that I don't see
'"
.., the up-and-comers poll in the liberal ]al r:: s ·~' you on campus un 1
ess
... .·
"' ~
you're heading to a
arts southern region farm league 21 P:: ~ ..: ]' meeting, briefcase in
"' .... "'
~ors straight
-5 ; ~ .s hand, or else with some
. ..,\ f1cr_a11e11ding o a,·idso11 College . and getting a ' A. from Emory 1~-E.;
i
official-looking figures. I
Lill\ t'ISl l\ 1n 1956 . he became an executive of Kingston ~ ! ills in :§ .0 ~ .!!"
think that says a lot.
Canc rs1 ilk . Georgia. manufacturers of carpets, and soon rose 10 its § ~ ~ ~
Last year a friend of mine
pr,-, idcllc' · ~k bcrn me a member of the In ternational Young Presi- ,::S: t 7j
asked you, at the Same
<kn:, 01 ; m11 zm1011. reserved to p1esidents under 40 ,, ho<
.
lunch table, "Do you
.e cor I , ~ , c
p.1111L·s h,l\ c sales of 11101e than five million dollars a i ea i . He I Id £ "' .=: s know
what they're
.
. . .
.
ie
;:1 ~ ,,. "
111 "" ' 1cspc>11s1bk posts in c1v1c and chu1 ch wo1k, but in 1964 made
::i Ji :-O teaching in Search?" You
0
"ll 1111 porw11 1 11crrn11a1 dec ision.: to leave business and become a min- . ~ ::§ §
had to answer "no." Ok, I
;, ,,·r. I k had \\' illO' Cd _co do so since high school days but Ya rious :x: '1il ~ & could maybe see how you
l'l'a>tH l S had J'l~\Clltc•d < After gett ing another degree. !his time from
l.
~ S] · Shouldn't need tO knOW
:_·,.Jt 11 llhi_'. Th,·~.J1.>~ k;ii Se111i1.iarv. he_spent lh rce yc~rs :1 pas1 c•f 1k
;
s
or
~ -~ ~ ~ ) what they teach in
' ' ·" ' 1 '" 5 ' ' '" h"'" '" n Church 1n L111lc Roc k, Arka nsas. His ex- 1 c; ~ 8 ~ Search. I don't know your
"'
-l'lll l\c abilit.ics rn ught up with him again , and he was made chairman ~ 8;:; ]" official job description. (Is
'
;'l'. i:'. '~2'\~~1 :11~,~~~.','~~~:1 ~ l~~:~~;;:!~~t1i~~ 1;1;;1 ~ecrernry of Steward- ~] -~ -~ \ ~P.a;l~: a~:;:~~ ~~~Oa~~~~
----
IP11@a~a@~ Carp~lesman
l
:s.,
J
1
1
0
I
getting flustered at his
insolence. And you were
being serious.
So much for those lofty
standards.
In our
conversation you tRlkeu
for a long time about how
you refuse to shy away
from hard decisions, That
what Rhodes' standards
mean to you is the
courage to judge and the
ability to discern. You
based all of your
arguments on "concrete
. statistics." It is a realistic
position, you assured me,
explaining how all of
those egalitarian faculty
members who would
rather not see anyone get
canned just can't face the
music.
Have you heard all this
before? Am I just missing
the point? Am I incapable
of
fathoming
or
appreciating
the
complexity of your
position? Even if that
were the case, you should
know that what people
see matters. It would
seem that you are the
only one privileged
a phrase found in one of
enough to know the way
Rhodes' glossy brochures
things really are, and all
intended
for
rich
those false perceptions:
protestant parents about
the tension between
how "the majority of
faculty
and
Rhodes faculty are
administration, your
Christians." My friend
image as a heartless
asked how you knew if
hardnose without a clue,
faculty were Christians.
the accusation that
"It
comes
up
in
Rhodes students aren't
conversations,"
you
as tops as we would like
responded
oh-so
to think; all of these
intelligently,
before_ things are someone else's
l!!r1 ~· 'TcE'f.'~·:":
problem. As such, you
ignore them. You must
have missed the Kant
lesson at Davidson, or
maybe it just didn't
interest you. Well here's
WHO ARE OVERWEIGHT
1 the simplified,
updated
Ins u ra nce comp ani es consid e r ' ' CU. n
: 1:sk ! Th e ir s ta ti sti cs prove yo u n rc
t version. Perceptions do
more suscepti ble to h('art nntl other dismatter; peoples' opinions
cnH·s tha t sh orte n yo ur li£c c xp<'cfa ncy !
Lo~c those dnngL·rous pou nds now with
~ matter. And here's the
tli is
safe, scientific plan 1
cliich. lets
kicker. IMAGE matters.
) 'Ult. eat.
, It's funny that you
~'
, understand this principle
l'iJ
.; so well when projecting
~l
;. Rhodes' image to the
;~
$ 2 ;) 0
¥1world-we have the most
;:·;
~,I beautiful campus in
~.:
~l America. Why, then, does
;
~
. it not matter how you are
S h·irt , ~nrc . Sli M\ ~ Y
'JU how to 1·at wi..:1
·ly,
:1 perceived on campus by
kcr 1ri111 Cin''"
~ (':u:rd.. CotTc1:tly.h:rs apn<l V it. nmi ns.r ou Apl'C· ., student~ and faculty?
t ile Hf·1lur ing: \'rn
•
Have you really convinced
yourself t hat no one
really understands? That
is a scary thing. It means
that you are accountable
to no one. Not officially,
of course, but in your
mind. In your head
everyone else has it
wrong. You told me that I
was wrong, politely.
We talked about the
SIRS. Do you remember
what you told me? "Well
what do you propose that
is any better?" And my
inability to propose a
workable alternative to
the present system of
teacher evaluation on the
spot, something that a
committee of teachers will
be studying for two years
before
making
a
recommendation,
invalidated everything I
had to say on the matter.
In your eyes it just proved
that I was another
student with a head full
of steam hell-bent on
raising hell whether I had
a reason or not. (Do you
remember philosophizing
on the subject of student
reactionaries who assault
your image, saying, "It is
to be expected from
college students. They are
at a tumultuo\ls point in
their lives. They have to
get steam off their chests
cu111111w11ty
somehow. I don't take
any of it ser iously."?
-another occasion last
year at the n ow-infamou s
lunch table, talking to a
young man who asked
you what you though t
about the Rat's Ass, him
· having unbeknownst to
you written a letter in it
calling
fo r
your
resignation. How crass
your response must have
been. But y ou w e r e
clueless.) I will tell you
right now that I don't
~
categorize easily. My
~.
1h·
words ought to matter to . ~ : - ~"''
you, Mr. Daughdrill. 1 ~ ···"·
·
want you to take thi ........:.._
~
personally.
.::::::::-God , sometimes l feel like doing you a favorI'm sorry. 1 let our la .-::::::::: li ke " applying a little Chnstiarnty on t l1e JO b ,..
-· · ·
·
d
conversat 10n en
- .
,,
such an upbeat note. I t or like asking you to " be with me at work .
was dishonest of me, and But the process gets reversed . Questions rebound.
1 know
h ow little My quest ion changes .
dishonesty b ecomes a
. .
. .
.d ?
' Rhodes student. But this W ho am l to 111\'J te you into mJ ay.
is the t ru t h. I do not I can merely turn myself over to you today.
want to be your b e s t Thank you for taking: me into your freedom .
friend.
Presiden t e ither, eve n if it 's
Amen .
Daughdrill. I do not .want u nintentional. I'm s t:ill
to be your enemy. I simply waiting for the truth on a
want to be treated with number of issu es And 1
enough respect to get the want it to come fro.m you .
truth from you and n ot The sad th in gs is , I don't
an avalanche of s tock think you know it
responses forc e full y
.
·
hurled to prevent any
Smcerely, on behalf of a
comeback, to assure the lot of people,
\ke
last word. I don't think
Ross ooh
dishonesty b ecomes a ..
Rhodes College presid ~pt 1· "'''· ll'.
SI NIVlllA lVlH lHl
~:':""'i-~·'"' ~·
.
.
CONVERS~
.
WARNING
TO MEN
TIONSWITH
A CHIMP
'WHO ARE YOU?'
'JR.'
llC \\· ,
R ep en t
P iu:kn~ c
~~
~
'\AI Ul\T
nn
Vf"\11
\Al.ANT? '
' ROGER
TICKLE
�when i grow up.
b VJ
CFd V O.
2 i.} D ('t-/1
ks
alright, kids, we're at
rhodes college. we are
all supposed to get our
eighty thousand dollar
educations and follow
paths that lead us to
prosperity in the real
world. we are all
someday going to be
lawyers, physicists,
doctors, market
analysts, etc. i 'm sure
that there's a couple of
potential white collar
felons here, too. look
around you, cats, see
daddy's cherokee
parked carelessly in
the commuter lot; that
ticket isn't going to
matter, because just as
pops owns the title,
pops will pay the
ticket when buffy calls
home. he's probably a
lawyer... i bet he
threatens to sue. (for
those of you who are
now talking ao0ut my
close-minded
stereotyping: i have
been working in law
firms for three years,
not all of 'em are bad '
but in my limited
experience, the ones
who are hep ain't too
happy with what
they're doing) . the
point is this: we will
follow in mommy and
daddy's footsteps and
make tons o' cash so
we can send our little
jr. 's to a nice place like
rhodes.
i want to be a truck
driver. i want to be
able to control tons of
steel as it barrels
down a mountain pass
in the southwest. i
want to eat at the
flying j truck stop in
amarillo (i did this
wee k en d . . . goo d f oo d .
bad coffee). i want to
do this for a living. it
must be the only truly
kerouacian profession
LAUCI! W IT[!
Amos 'n' Andy
S undQy1, 7,30 p.m.
T, CBS RQdio Netwo1I:.
i know that some of
you are out there,
having these midcollege romanticisms
too. maybe if we get
lucky, someday we
think about it. infin
time for smoking.
endless coffee. you
could buy an audio
recording of on the
ffi.rul.. you could eve
say, "10-4, good
buddy." just don't tc
many of you hep cat
take my idea.
will get to be in reality
see you hipsters at
bites II (the second
stuckey's.
worst movie ever).
rF==========~~~=~~~~
-- "·
in the world (other
than writing, which
you can tell i' m not so
good at.. .. woe is me.)
' '°J
right now, psychic
~
dave will tell you what
~
you are thinking . you
:y
are thinking, "dave.
. ~
first, i don't care what ~
you want to do with
"o
your life. second, get
o
off your high horse
~
and quit criticizing my l-pragmatic nature.
third, why the hell are
' Vi
you at rhodes?"
()
/.
This Wee~'s Corn.ed Beef. House Personality is Nancy
Hodwell . ~ancy is executive secretary of the senior class
an one of the unsung heroes of the Social Commission .
The Corned Beef House ~
Pastrami, Breakf~t :.
Maxwell House Coffee
. Call for carry out se~vice
3307 Summer .
. 452-9396
1737- . Union Ave. ·
272-9561 . . ,,,_ ..
.,
~
response, i say this. i
know you don't care
what i do with my life
but i just wanted to '
write it down (so i can
feel disappointed
when i'm a lawyer) .
also, uncle dave ain't
criticizin' your dream S,
young hipsters... he' 8
just presenting an
~.lternative.
finally,
I m at rhodes because I
want to learn .
\ .~
. -.~.
·'
. ·,
-~
.
-
~;
The Rat's Ass is assembled by a
crack staff of Rhodes students
and/or friends, published
whenever the staff feels like it
and distributed for mass
consumption in the domain of
actual campus publications, the
Rat. Obviously there are no
restrictions on what is published.
Collectivley, there is neither
regard for, nor claim of, truth, so
don't get on us about it. The
opinions expressed by individuals
are their own. Any and all
contributions will eventually be
published. You can even be the
editor, just bring your lucky coin
for
the
toss
up.
~;%f
�
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The Rat's Ass, October 7, 1994, Volume 03, Issue 07
Subject
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Newspaper, Publications, Satires, Zines, 1994 Fall
Description
An account of the resource
This issue of The Rat's Ass dates from October 7, 1994. This issue of The Rat's Ass was aimed towards members of the Board. The front page features a piece by Clay Combs who addressed The Members of the Board about life on campus. Ross Gohlke writes to President Gaughdrill about the benefits the Board of Trustees and Rhodes receives. Dave Evoanies tells us how we will all follow in "Mommy and Daddy's Footsteps" on the back page.
Creator
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Clay Combs, Ross Gohlke, Dave Evoanies, Martin Fox, Jay Stovall, Ghosh Dipak
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Memphis, Tenn. : Rhodes College Archives and Special Collections
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The Rat's Ass
-
http://archives.rhodes.edu/files/original/29bc163ed00db249c6b8abac0320e4d5.pdf
7099606be4de4ffc7b8b2f87d5cb9f48
PDF Text
Text
Volume II Issue 3 September IO, 1993
'lt
-~ .
a;;__-:--~
/
"The only paper on campus with Tin its masthead Except one other. "
0
\~ Special ~~~:~,~~ 1 ~etal Issue!
The Earth Is ' Flat
The Holocaust Didn't Happen
e Greek System Is Nifty
Th
by Charles Schafer
You
know,
I'd
always heard that the
Greeks were supposed to
be logical.
Yet in Chris
Gilreath's
Sou'wester
article entitled "What is
Rush, Anyway?" I see
traces of logic's evil twin,
illogic.
I wonder what
city-state Mr. Gilreath is
from - perhaps Crete.
I'd i;h_
to point out here that
while,
certainly,
all
Greeks are not Cretans, all
Cretans are Greeks. I have
~z;~:~vki -~)
e ,.
But I really sliould
stop going off like this.
It's just that I'm a little
worked up.
That is, I'm
really excited.
Let me
explain why.
According
to Mr. G, "you do not haye
to be someone's fraternity
brother to be his friend "
Imagine -- I had been
going to Rhodes for over
three
years
miserably
convinced that because
(
today, thank ends, and th
:ound out th s to Mr. G
ave friend a,t I really
thou h
s.
G
~
t
g ·
I h
et this
oo hap
s ouJdn 't
'
says I PY, because A1 get
Wh
shouJdn 't
,v1r. G
e;
c:"
(,>~)
~
~,~,
t
•,
I
/)
~·
to
M
'
r. G's
well-reasoned and wellsupported argument, I am
feeling
crushed
and
inferior. No, don't worry,
I'll get over it.
I'm
embarking on a personal
program to make myself
(Non-Greek though I am)
more active and visible
around campus. In fact, I
would like to make my
shining white ass visible
to
all
"Greek
Issues
Editors"
and
"Interfraternity
Council
Presidents"
at
Rhodes .
Nothing personal, Mr. G .
Rat's Ass in Vice President
Gore's Performance Report
by Brian Dixon
10. Use regular Scotch tape
instead of the nifty, but costly,
magic tape.
9. Stop sending probes to
Mars. Oops! Wrong
performance report.
8. Print issues on used SIR
forms. What else are they
good for?
7. Serve Beenie-Weenie at
staff meetings instead of pork
tenderloin and escargot.
6. Pay staff salaries with old
Burger King coupons.
5.
en you run~
coupons eliminate the staff "
entirely by investing in stateof-the-art technology.
4. Use Diamond Jim's
personal copy machine.
3. Stop poking fun at our
administration. Oh wait! You
mean the Rhodes
administration.
2. Eliminate printing fees by
passing out copies of last
week's Sou'wester instead. It's
a much better read.
1. Stop sending the damned
paper to the Oval Office.
�)
~ "CL-qt-:.S ft s_s ~ ~·"
C v-vcc
·b\'-F+.-_ .,
Under Cover
TO BE OR NOT TO BE A
Agents
CHRISTIAN COLLEGE
le S
c
By Pleetway
by:chris brown
holds ?
Also, if Rhodes V\
\o t-\--\e,rIn his address to
does
not
require
the incoming freshmen and
~
\.~
"intellectual adherence to
t ransfer
students,
creedal religion• or some
President Daughdrill qouted
form of affirmation to
a Bible verse to my
certain Christian truths,
amazement and I am sure to
how does the College know
the surprise of my fellow
that they have hired a
students. He proclaimed to
Christian? Doesn't one
the over-crowded sanknow whether a person
ctuary of Evergreen Pres.
belongs to a particular
Church that "the fear of the
religion by what that
LORD is the beginning of
individual adheres to and
knowledge.• As all good
embraces as truth?
incoming students do, I read
As for the other
through
the
college's
statements that the College
catalogue and some other
claims are true, I will let
paraphernalia that I had
you decide for yourself if
received from the college.
the College is being honest
As I combed through the
or if it is lying. If the
93-94
catalogue
and
College is lying, then put 1
Rhoda's College Statement
of
down the Rat's Ass, get off \'
of Christian Commitment
and
YJ2JlL Ass and report the ~
and Church Relationship, trustees are Christians.• In
Administration to the Honor 11 n
..
my eye was caught by ( another statement Rhodes
Council.
·\ ,....._ CA. t )
makes the disclaimer that
statements like these;
\ "the College does not
·"The College maintains a require
intellectual
climate
in which the\ adherence
to
creedal
Christian
faith
is religion and that Rhodes
nurtured",
\ does not exclude persons
- "The College ensures that from
its
faculty,
adthe Christian faith is ministration, or governing
clearly articulated",
bodies who may hold other
-"(Rhodes) creates a views.•
Now,
it
is
1
climate
in which the ' impossible to hire "a J.A.r.wt
Christi an
faith
is majority of Christians" and
reasonably
and
per-, n..2.1. exclude others who
suasively presented.•
hold different views. The
-"(The College) is dedicated College, by its own mandate
to a special witness to the is under an obligation to
Christian faith"
hire "a large majority of
.·"(Rhodes) sees to it that a Christians", thus forcing
large majority of trustees, the College to discriminate ,
administrators, and faculty' on the basis of personal .....___ _ _ _ _._____.___~__,._____
are Christians"
beliefs. Another statement
S1.-uc::;a IS ti. Loot<, 1s
·"The College is committed . that Rhodes makes that
l 'M A S1..oa..
/
'"IHERE 50>1E:O""E"
to higher education set in a contradicts itself from the
No..J, Now ••. SELf- E~£ I coot..D r-'LK
Christian
frame
of \ above quote is "The
"Tl) ?
E~T£EM /~ El/ER'treference.•
College's Christian com1)f I o\IG., UJ .\ .51 DE From statements like these · mitment
and
church
l'M ONLY )\- "T'EMI>,
f(ICt<. So, Tl\KE A
and other well polished relationship is more than
You f<tJoW. /'11 "or
CC 6 Qb t.otJa._ Looti:; AT
sentences
affirming assent to a set of vague
GE111flla.. PAt.p foR
"(OO(~El.f i '"f'ELL.
T"tfl!) STRESS"Christian ideals", one 1 values
or
sentimental
Me How '{olJ
tJOULJ:> I>esc 1::'1.BE
comes to the conclusion emotions.• If Rhodes is so
WI\~ yoo :SEE.
that Rhodes is an oasis of committed to more than
Christian learning among just "vague values and
"the colleges of today that sentimental emotions", then
11 I I/(
have a secular outlook. why won't Rhodes at least
One particular point that is have their "large majority
worth exploring is the of Christians" believe the
claim
that
"a
large! same view that the College
(l~\V'..'
d,o '
• \/\ \)
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t
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•
odes Security Council
Unveils New Goal:
No Faculty
Rhodes administration
wigs are abuzz over the
Security Council's new plan
for the college. Taking to
heart President Daughdrill's
April 22 address (see The
Rat's Ass, Volume 2, Number
1), the Council have stepped
forward
with
a bold
recommendation: get rid of all
faculty
by 2010.
The
recommendation follows the
· president's emphasis on more
efficient use of school funds
and the latest technology.
"You
can see the
president's subtext as clear as
day," said one anonymous-byrequest administration lackey.
"It's time to ring out the oldfashioned, inefficient live~ teacher classroom and ring in
the cost-effective electronic
classroom."
The Security Council's
plan calls for the complete outphasing of the human element
in
Rhodes
classroom
instruction by 2010. Amidst
the international race to
develop fiber optic technology,
the Council see higher
education heading faster and
deeper into the farthest recesses
of the microchip.
"Two words: fiber optics,"
said Security Council Tsar
Seamus Hailey in his address
to the faculty and staff. "We
must see here and now the
benefits
of
computer
networking and anticipa~e the
radical changes that lie ahead in
the field of education.
"The students of tomorrow
will have access to the sharpest
minds at work in any given
field. The experts will be able
to deliver lectures to thousands
of students at once, and they
available for
"will
be
consultation at any time, from
any remote comer of our nowminiscule globe. Classroom
teachers, obviously, are fast
becoming obsolete."
As is to be expected, the
new plan has drawn some
criticism from current faculty.
"We're a little uneasy about
this," said one anonymous-byrequest professor. "I mean, in
fifteen years we'll all be
pushing grocery carts around in
the streets . We'll be hitting
you up for money and then
psychoanalyzing you on the
basis of whether you do or do
not cough it up. Nobody
wants that."
"What's more," said
another professor, "nobody has
really speculated as to the effect
on the students. What will
result from a complete loss of
perso nal contact between
students and faculty? The
Socratic dialogue will be
reduced to spiritless molecules
of phosphorus."
But the Security Council
will brook no nay-saying on
that issue. "We don't believe
molecules of phosphorus to be
completely without spirit,"
said Hailey. "On the contrary,
we think they have lots of
spirit. Lots!"
Whatever the feeling
around campus, it appears the
plan has already become the
New Campus Order. Several
untenured faculty have been
sacked, and more are on the
blocks.
In an auxiliary decision,
the Council amended the
president's plan of adding ten
w students per year to fifty
ne
· ·
the
new students, bnnging
roiected totals for the year
P J
.
2010 to approx1ma t ely 2200
students, 0 faculty. As ther~
been no mention o
h as
h es
dditional computer pure as ,
a
. ed
ber of work
.
the project num
.
. expected to hold
stations is
steady at 200 or Jess.
-30480 words
�\"'
To Tow and not to Toe
by Ruthie Stephenson
If you're ever in
England and you want to go
for a nice stroll like the
English, you've got two
splendid choices of the
footpath and the towpath.
In the countryside,
you can choose the
footpath, a narrow path
marked by walkers.
It
goes through fields and
pastures with property
boundaries
marked by
locked gates or fences.
However,
since
the
footpaths are to be
accessible,
property
owners build steps so
walkers can easily step
over any fence or gate.
A different option
is taking a stroll along the
canal on what the English
call a towpath. On first
hearing
the
word
"towpath," however. . I
made the connection with
"toe"
instead of "tow."
It was a physical
learning experience and
adventure that taught me
the difference between the
two paths.
For an
afternoon out, I was told
that I could ride a bike
from Bradford-on-Avon,
the village where I lived,
to Bath on the toepath
along the canal.
So, I
started
off
on
my
borrowed, heavy, rusted,
2 out of 3 speed bicycle
with a basket in front. I
call it the adventure bike.
En
route
to
Bath
(pronounced Baaaaaath
-
-
like a sheep baa), the path ·
split
in
various
directions, and my word' .
tor
toepath
became~:
interchanged
with .,;:,
footpath. You know, toe, fl~:
'~
foot- same thing. Unaware it
that I was straying, I ended
up following the footpath a I
few times.
On my l
adventure bike I pedaled
through fields where I had
to lug the leaden thing over
locked gates and fences. I
even ended up in a pasture
being stared at by a herd of
My
cud chewing cows.
typical
adventure .
1
Well, after leaping
fences and encountering
cows, I learned the
difference between the
footpath and the toepath- '
and that towpath does not
even exist as ihe word
toepath. I advise you on
your next trip to Englandjust be careful how you
listen to and interpret
those
tricky
English
w
o
r
d
s
~
os~!g
SARDINES .
The Elite of the Sea .
!
Dear Mr. Daughdrill,
I don't have much
to say about Bob Byer
leaving. I am not an
English major. I have
' only taken one class from
him. I liked the class. I
learned a lot. And I'm
sorry to see him go.
You justify using
low SIRS scores (SIRS are
another issue, maybe I'll
write you another letter if
you respond to this one) to
kick Byer out, and two
years ago you kicked
Professor Jaslow out who
had amazing SIRS scores
but did not measure up in
other ways. Senselessness.
You justify •either. You
are not in touch with your
students (the younger
adults that are walking
around outside your
window), and if you
listened to the faculty's
voice, they'd tell you that
you are not in touch with
them either. Cluelessness.
You have said that
your function is to raise
money for the college.
You do this well. Tuition
is equal to ivy league
schools. Big spenders are
giving lots of dough t
Rhodes. Daughdrill Tower
is a beautiful erection.
Thank you. But you do
not know a good professo1
from a bad one. Byer is 2
gem of the rarest kind, and
you have just robbe(
Rhodes college. Not <
good mark on a brigh•
businessman's resume.
You will bt
remembered at Rhodes
You've put it on the map
Now get out before you'n
remembered for mucl
more.
Sincerely, Pat Garrett
�
Dublin Core
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Newpaper
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The Rat's Ass, September 10, 1993, Volume 02, Issue 03
Subject
The topic of the resource
Newspaper, Publications, Satires, ZInes, 1993 Fall
Description
An account of the resource
This issue of The Rat's Ass dates from September 10, 1993. The headline reads "Special Speed Metal Issue!" Charles Schafer gives a critique of a Sou'Wester article by Chris Gilreath, and Brian Dixon writes a list of suggestion for The Rat's Ass through the voice of Vice President Gore. Clay Combs and Chris Brown comment on college life in the centerfold. Ruthie Stephenson and Pat Garrett round out the back page. This issue is made up of the standard four 8.5" x 11" pages.
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Charles Schafer, Brain Dixion, Chris Brown, Clay Combs, Pat Garrett, Ruthie Stephenson
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Dlynx
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Memphis, Tenn. : Rhodes College Archives and Special Collections
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Rhodes College owns the rights to the archival digital objects in this collection. Objects are made available for educational use only and may not be used for any non-educational or commercial purpose. Approved educational uses include private research and scholarship, teaching, and student projects. For additional information please contact archives@rhodes.edu. Fees may apply.
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PDF
The Rat's Ass
-
http://archives.rhodes.edu/files/original/71f7a249cbad1ac2eed394052e0c6165.pdf
405d20e550f1a4354c8dc5da88e53878
PDF Text
Text
September 17, 1993 Volume II Issue 4
Condoms and Christianity
by:chris brown
l .DOES MY PROFESSOR LIKE
ME?
a.never picks me
b.
c.
d. asks me questions I can ' t answer
2. HOW DOES MY PROFESSOR
PRESENT HIM/HERSELF IN
THE CLASSROOM?
a. dresses cool
b.
c.
d. needs to consult fashion
magazine.
3. WHAT DOES MY
PROFESSOR EXPECT OF ME?
a. to answer "yes'' or " no " questions
b.
c.
d. to think for myself
I
�lUU
lllli<...11
dJ.H)lll
And IC WOU/Oll l l.Jt:
it-that's not the problem. efficient to keep you until
But your teaching, Bob.
the things that pissed me
the traditional six year
in any public discussion as
It's the monotone. Maybe if
off about Rhodes and made
review of your tenure
to the specific terms of
you put an outline on the
me want to leave. I felt a
track because there's no
terminatr·on.
Now • an
board at the beginning of
little sick. I remembered
way your SIRs would
irresponsible · campus
every class and used audio
Why I never went to AT&T
improve enough to save
activist with a proverbial
and
visual
aids
on
(Ask, Talk, & Tell) with
your job at that point. To
axe to grind would have a
occasion... It doesn't matter
President
Daughdrill.
keep you that extra year
field day with this. But I
that you're "brilliant" by
Either
my
questions
would just be silly. We're
am merely a humble student
the admission of at least
really doing it tor your own
sounded stupid to a college
who wants to set the
two colleagues who have
gocd.
president, or l knew that
record straight while
worked with you (fact), or
the things eating at me
Does this sound a
exercising his right to tell
that you incorporate all the
little funny to anyone? It
were bigger than a pleasant
Them that I think Byer-or
academic disciplines into
discussion over lunch could
should come across as
any professor, for that
your own (the heart and
absolutely hysterical when
settle. Besides, I reasoned,
matter- deserves better
soul of a liberal arts
I already knew what the
you
consider
the
treatment . in the name
education), or that you are
bureaucratic
stock
administration's double
of.... bear with me ... Truth,
one of the few professors
response would be to
standard:
students
Loyalty, and Service.
_--::z)/1ere with experience
supposedly have a lot to
everything I questioned, so
\.. ·~: "leaching film courses
what's the use?
say (a la SIRs) in whether
...-c:E-----(priority #1358 on the
or not a professor is fired.
To be honest, I have
list).
See, the
little hope that anything
Yet students have no
will change because of my
opportunity to protest or
questioning, but I have to
reverse the decision, nor
get it all out. I still have a / 0
are they consulted in the
hiring of new professors.
conscience.
I even followed the ~"'
On top of this, most
students have no idea how
proper
channels
of ·
important the SIR bubble
authority for trying to find
out what really happened to r
forms (the ones fed through
a computer for statistical
Byer. I already knew his
side of the story. First I
~
results) are, and chances
went to the department
~
are, no one will tell them.
chair, who referred me to
f
If you are a student,
~ /J
his superior. So I took my
f / (___
listen up. Your opinion
inquiring mind to the Dean
P
-<5:,
~
does matter. They can't
$/
.:>,..
c::::::::.:'
justify firing someone
of Academic Affairs who
' ~
..-.........)
told me there was no way
ff~ ff
~
~
f
~
without bad SIRs, at least
·in hell that l, or any student
if i
.$'
students just can't follow on paper.
If you are a
could, do anything about the
! ..& ~/ .P
you. They fall asleep. You professor,
tell
your
situation. Apparently he
i .t /
talk about things they don't students about SIRs, if not
had misunderstood my
f
~
understand, and they don't for your sake, then for that
intentions and proceeded to
~
.L ,
~
like that.
They feel of your colleagues.
politely tell me he couldn't
threatened.
They feel
What it boils down
tell me anything. l left his
(' 12.. \ ~ \)-..u{'._5·
helpl~ss. And you know, to is this. I feel like I've
offi ce knowing beyond a
Q.-\- \,)6\f.) v - \
Bob, 1f the students don't been lied to; I wonder who
shadow of a doubt that
like something we have to the administration is loyal
Basically, They told
faculty information is
him that his SIRs weren't
take notice,
because to; I'd like to know who
confidential because of the
up to par, that he didn't
they're the reason we're They are serving. They tell
law, and no one is allowed
meet Rhodes' almighty
here!
We know you 'JI me its me, the student. But
to talk to me about it, and
Standard of Excellence.
understand.
With your I seriously question service
that this is standard
skiJJs you would be happier rendered by a liberal arts
The students just didn't like
procedure
for
"any him.
somewhere else anyway. institution that reduces its
corporation or business."
Of the three areas
Look at the bright side. We professors to numbers in a
Well, I don't need
we
consider
in job
could have let you go after computer, that gives its
Them.
I'm a fairly evaluation, Bob, . your
the three-year review of students the illusion of
intelligent guy. And Byer service
record
is
your tenure track, but we power without even making
has been cooperative. The sufficient
and
your
gave you the benefit of the it explicit, that values
cool part is, regardless of published
doubt and kept you another expediency and tidiness
what Byer says, or what I scholarship-we//, you
year. It's just that those above the pursuit of true
say, They can't respond could have more of it,
darn S/Rs didn't improve as intellectual endeavor.
because, according to the
much as we would have
And there's one
although what little you
liked. We have standards
.
I' m
Dean, They would be
have is good, so we won't
more thing.
not
breaking the law to engage
here, Bob.
finished.
Why Byer Got Fired and why
by Ross Gohlke
Immutability
by Mike Augspurger
One of the quirks of
a favorite high school
teacher of mine was to
assign
an
essay
by
saying, in effect, •write
an essay on the book we
just
finished
discussing." Annoying as
the habit was, we usually
found our way around the
problem.
Cries of "how
long?" and •on what?"
inevitably overwh el med
the man.
Ten minutes
later, we'd have six or
seven suggestions written
down in our notes, and an
estimated
length
in
double-spa ced , one-sided
pages .
That was high school.
The Rhodes classroom
of ten
l ooks
disappointingly si milar.
The difficult question,
"What
is
of
primary
importance in the text
studied?" remains
the
domain of the professor .
The students at Rhodes
don't expect to answer
that question anymore
than
a
high
school
student;
no
quest ion
routinely receives more
silence than "What aspect
of the readings would you
like to discuss today?"
This
situation
is
perhaps
not
as
unf ortunate as I have
portrayed it .
Ce rtainly
much class time would be
spent in a search for
basic
thematic
importance; many students
would lose inter est , and
end
up
unimproved
intellectually by the
experience.
The
prof esso r would be l eft
in fr o nt o f the class
alternating
between
prying for a response and
lecturing
on
various
outside interpretati ons;
his effo rts might brand
him
as
•confusing,•
•difficult to follow,• or
the
worst
0 f
possibilities, "boring.•
On the other hand, a
professor
who
made
students
reach
for
answers
rather
than
leaning over to provide
them might appeal to a
small
community
of
students at Rhodes.
He
might help five or s ix
people in a class of
twenty-five learn more
about a novel, and more
importantly, understand
the process that brought
them th e ir knowledge. Of
course, nineteen people
would be bored.
Am~ng the relative ly
small
percentage
of
Rhodes stu dents who have
come to college to get an
education and not just a
degree, there are many
different approaches to
learning. The particular
pedagogy described above
would seem to cater to a
great many of those .
Unfortunately, it does
not pamper a student who
is not devoted to the
subject matter.
Judging
fr o m past
faculty decisions, Rhodes
i s not
interested in
different approaches to
the
c lassro o m.
If
students find a professor
unsympathetic, or boring,
or difficult (i.e. i f
they don't teach like
their
favorite
high
school teacher), they let
the administration know
in a very concrete and
majority-ruled fashion:
the
SIRS.
If
the
administration finds t hat
faculty
member
undesirable, it utilizes
that concrete figure to
rid
itself
of
an
unconforming piece.
It
is a system which easily
purges itself o f
Bob
Byers and Andrew Hurleys,
among many others .
I remember sitting
on the pot my freshman
year looking for something
to read. As I shut the stall
door I was confronted by an
.~ .
.
German sty le ."
especially drab flyer that
f'~A ' hero in the
said "Subvert the SIRs!!'.'
Perhaps if Rhodes had
and rambled on about how
enough
professors
to
these evaluation forms are
allow English majors to
used to justify firing
choose among classes, or
professors. As I finished
if
SIRS
had
been
my business, I wondered
discontinued, or if some
how the responsible party
of the English professors
expected to be taken
who should know better
seriously
without
had stood up in defense
substantiation. How easy it
of Byer, he wouldn't have
is to start vicious rumors
been fired.
But the most
frustrating aspect of the
and indict the powers that
sys tem
is
that
mo st
be- but there's never any
proof!
I still had those
peachy brochure pictures in
my head; and I still had
great confidence that the
people in charge knew what
they were doing and always
acted justly according to
the dictates of a good
conscience. I spent the
next year and a half
forgetting how pretty the
brochures were.
But I
never lost faith in the
administration's
commitment to Truth,
loyalty, and Service and at
the end of each semester, I
filled out my SIRs like
everyone else in the classin five minutes. They were
just
more
of
the
Lorry Burrows m
. I
b t
Ivv CoMPTON-BuRNETT
eanrng ess u necessary
Incredible behavi r.
paperwork that had to be
everyone is happy with
turned in to keep my
scholarship.
it.
No students, no
and
no
faculty,
I came back to
administrators have to
Rhodes this semester
adjust
to
new
actually excited for the
surroundings.
Rhodes is
first time about being here.
just
like last year,
It didn't last very long.
whe ther you've worked
During the first week I
here for 15 years or come
discovered that an English
straight
from
high
teacher whom I respected
school.
It
will
greatly had been fired over
undo ubtedly continue to
the summer. Well, "fired"
churn
out
societally
capable graduates who
might be a little harshhave not been pushed to
they did give him a year's
brilliance.
But if an
notice so that he could
intellectual challenge is
"make
other
what you desire, consider
arrangements." As I sat in
transferring .
Bob Byer's office that day
Because while Rhodes
with my jaw on the floor, I
will always be up-andsuddenly remembered all
coming,
it will never
arrive.
it
makes
me
wu11y
uncomfortable
fol
f"'c
/ff
!
"'
iv\) - 1 ffi\/\
ttrt\S\ ~ \\.- '(-~\\A,,.
S r\=>S
�Report from the Front
by Col. Bat Guano
I was fired yesterday. Sacked.
Given my walking papers .
Basically, I was told to bend
over and smile . And it
wouldn't, you know, be so bad
if it didn't mean that I now
have to figure out how to
unload three exact replicas of
the Partridge Family bus loaded
with assault rifles from the
Honduran black market. Boy, I
got smoked on that one.
But enough about me, right?
I don't get paid obscene
amounts of dollars per word by
the Rat's Ass to blab about my
personal problems, obviously.
No, friend, I get paid obscene
amounts of dollars per word to
blab about the personal
problems of a hardy and goodhearted prairie College down
here in Memphis and the
blasphemous exploits of that
black- hearted sidewinder, that
yellow- bellied, low down,
dog- tooth grinnin', prayersfor- men- aprayin', carpetmstlin' scalawag known as the
Reverend Jim Daughdrill.
Fortunate! y, that stuff is none
too scarce.
For example, just last night,
right, when I was feeling kind
of bummed about the job
thing, you know, and I had
gotten tired of sitting around
the pad and, well ... you know,
smokin' ... and I went down to
the P&H for a little R&R and
MGD, I nm into this PHD I
knew from the old alma mater.
He was slumped over the bar
actually. That unmistakable
bulbous dome which nonnally
read, "product of Harvard" now
said something garbled about
three pitchers and no sign of
slowing down. Now here was a
guy in my kind of mood .
Brazenly as always, I decided to
introduce myself.
"Hello, Doc. Bat Guano's
the name. And you are ... "
"HAWTHORNE!"
he
sputtered.
With a name like Guano,
who an1 I to argue, right? Any
dude's pseudonym is good
enough for me. So I bought
him a beer which he graciously
accepted, and just to relax him
I whipped out one of my
special stogies and there we
were smokin' up a stonn, until
I got him relaxed enough to
ask him just what he was
bummin' on, and thi s is what
he told me:
"I was fired yesterday.
Sacked. Given my walking
papers. Basically, I was told to
bend over and smile. I don't
want to talk about it."
As soon as he said that, my
patented Guano Sense started
kickin' like the Rockettes on
mescaline:
obviously
something was once again
awry . at Rhodes,
and
immediately I forgot about the
day's troubles and remembered
my mission for the Rat's Ass .
And speaking of asses, if I
couldn't save tl1is guy's then
maybe at least I could cover
my own, right? So I fished
around in my pocket for
something to cheer the good
doctor up. All I could find was
a ball of hash about the size of
my thumb which seemed to
most tasteless part of the
President's Mansion: The
Jungle Room.
"What the hell are you
doing here, Guano?" he asked,
looking resplendent in a yellow
silk bathrobe and a blue paisley
fez. Actually, he was kind of
hard to see, backed as he was
by lime green zebra stripes and
blacklight posters.
"I think you know what I'm
here about," I said, trying to be
as macho as possible. "It's
your latest try at streamining
the faculty."
He thought for a minute,
and then I could see recognition
rising to the surface of his eyes
like air bubbles floating in 40weight motor oil. "Ah, yes,"
he drawled," that Bob fellow.
What about it?'
'What about it?" I was now
enraged, and feeling in fine
ga~0
To be honest, whenever I hear
him talk I'm almost positive
he's making fun of me, but I
can' t be sure because, well ... I
just can' t understand a damn
word he's saying. Besides,
what the hell do you tlunk the
Purpose of a College is?"
Uh- oh, I thought. Here it
comes.
"Do you tlunk a college is
some kind of damn safehaven
for intellectuals?"
'Well, actually ... "
"Hell no, son. Now read my
lips on this one : WE'RE
ONLY IN IT FOR THE
MONEY. Can't you get that
tluough that burned- out head
of yours?"
I was reeling. First to hear
the words of Frank Zappa
coining from such an infernal
source, and then to have my
worst suspicions laid bare like
that at the uppennost level of
the administration, was all
much too much for me. I
needed a drink.
I didn't get one, of course.
As is always the case when I
feather. "I'll tell .you what .
about it! He was only just the
pay a journalistic visit to the
Daughdrill household, I was
most qualified member of your
undernourished English
brusquely conked on tl1e back
department! Jesus Christ on a
of the head by one of Dian1ond
popsicle stick, Jim! The man
Jimmy's hired goons and
went to botli Harvard and y ale!
deposited on East Parkway. But
There was more infonnation in
when I came to about four
hours later, I still remembered
one of his sentences than in
three paragraphs by some of
tl1e last tiling I had seen in that
house of ill- repute: t he
the bozos you've hired at that
sweatshop you call a college.
President had had a new
How can you just throw away
College Seal drawn up. It was
credentials like tliat?" Realizing
the same as the old one of
that my tirade was out of
course, but the words 'Truth
steam,Ileanedbackandbraced
Justice and the America1;
myself for the noxious wave of
Way," or whatever the hell it
bureaucratic doublespeak that I
used to be, had been repl :! ·: ~d
knew was soon to envelop me,
with the slogan, "CAVEAT
just like on the Stanley and
EMPTOR" wluch, for all you
Jaslow case back in '90. But it
non- classically oriented readers
never came.
out tl1ere, means "Let tl1e Byer
"Oh, dammit," said the
beware." Until next time, or
President, "that's just the
until you too are deemed to
talented for your own good
problem, don't you see? That
man is too damn smart. He
keep ?n takin' care of business'.
made students uncomfortable,
. . Just like Diamond Jim.
con~se ~imb m~re t.han
anyt ng e se, ut gave II to
him anyhow and headed out to
my trusty ol.d '78 Batmobile
with one man in mind. Clearly
I was going to have to go
straight to the horse's mouth,
so lo speak: I gunned noisy old
440 and pointed the nose
toward Diamond Jim's place.
When I got there it was the
same old scene as always: the
stink of vomit rising up off the
front lawn almost ate the paint
off my car. Frankly, I'm still
amazed tlmt all those trustees
could sleep out there like that.
But hey, like D.J. always says,
that's what tl1e good stuffs for,
right? So I parked up on the
lawn like usual and stepped out
of the car like everything was
natural, which of course it was,
and was met at the door by this
beefy blonde whom it seemed
to me I had grokked before.
"Patsy Blandersnatch ?" I
asked? "Oass of '89?"
1
The same. She told me that
,,
she was now the carpet man's
hell made me uncomfor. abl· ·. ,:~ _,.
t e
Otl>AeL.£ C r~ut\~rhlc..-~
personal, um.. . secretary .
. .~~~
lfll>cfiATbRoF 'F
'
Figures. She always did look
~ "Oll,.L
¢ f ,,.,,.,
S&."~
w~ A ~:~~ '·
good with brown lipstick. But
,.r-1~
•'f\fl~ WEEK. No ~Tf!ti' IN
i
now was no time for ,,
CTtf£~ wo,("c ~•
-;
~
.
Z
~ · J..4£AL Wlf't\ rr: t ·
reminiscing. I bmshed past her
with my infamous right cross
and found the man I was
:
looking for, predictably, in the
. ~·
~4/Lyl~
l
~:~c01~~~~ab1!~ :Ud h~~l~:::: l~:I'~'·'~,;~~;~~~~~~'·'· ~ 'j~,~
.
"· ~ ·
/
•ov'
�
Dublin Core
The Dublin Core metadata element set is common to all Omeka records, including items, files, and collections. For more information see, http://dublincore.org/documents/dces/.
Type
The nature or genre of the resource
Newspaper
Title
A name given to the resource
The Rat's Ass, September 17, 1993, Volume 02, Issue 04
Subject
The topic of the resource
Newspapers, Publication, Satires, Zines, 1993 Fall
Description
An account of the resource
This issue of The Rat's Ass dates from September 17, 1993. The Headline reads, "Special Bidet issue!" The front page offers a special "Clip-N-Save SIR Form" by Julie Meiman & Ross Gohlke, as well as a commentary on campus ethics by Chris Brown. Mike Augspurger and Ross Gohlke discuss the SIR forms and tenure in the centerfold. "Col. Bat Guano" takes the back page with a "Report rom the Front". This issue is made up of the standard four 8.5" x 11" pages.
Creator
An entity primarily responsible for making the resource
Chris Brown, Julie Meiman, Ross Gohlke, Mike Augspurger
Source
A related resource from which the described resource is derived
Dlynx
Publisher
An entity responsible for making the resource available
Memphis, Tenn. : Rhodes College Archives and Special Collections
Rights
Information about rights held in and over the resource
Rhodes College owns the rights to the archival digital objects in this collection. Objects are made available for educational use only and may not be used for any non-educational or commercial purpose. Approved educational uses include private research and scholarship, teaching, and student projects. For additional information please contact archives@rhodes.edu. Fees may apply.
Format
The file format, physical medium, or dimensions of the resource
PDF
The Rat's Ass
-
http://archives.rhodes.edu/files/original/0ece185c3e0b6d6a0257b7a0ae5aaa48.pdf
d75596bbe18a2b2ad1328b0bd3960c96
PDF Text
Text
ain't never had it.
Issue 5
I
Top Ten Cool Features of the
New Israeli-PLO Honda Peace
Accord
by Brian Dixon
10. Anti-lock brakes
9. "Y asser" personalized plate
8. A-ooh-ga horn
7. Tinted windows throw off
angry right wing PLO
members
6. Steel belted radios
5. Plush wall to wall
carpeting
4. "How to Talk Like a
Trucker" manuel included with
CB
3. James Bond oil slick feature
- standard
2. Runs on sand
1. Wimp's a camel's ass
I
I
I
I
•
I
I
I
t
l
)
~
My (ex)girlfriend was
a militant feminist.
She burnt bras.
I burnt my toga.
[:>
I'm Independent.
~
·~
Dipak
ps. I HAVE greek
friends...
~·
'fJ
~
~
~
-
6 "'
,9 ~
-:-7\~·
. VJ~
7'J
•
September 24,
�most introspective of all
seasons, fall, the time defined ' Barney Must Be Destroyed
Late last night I was
by ferment, the time whose f
l trying to write an English
raison d'etre is to move things
Clay's Column
by Clay
Lazarus Speaks, or,
Why You Should Love Fall As
Much As I Do
•paper, which naturally led
J to my thinking about Barney
•the Dinosaur, and all the
trouble he has winning the
I'm a nut for fall.
•·hearts of American adults.
ballistic every time it
Why don't more people like
, Barney? Hmmm. Is it
around. If I have the chance, . &;,,·'" 11
with t11e help of the liberal free~
' ~ ~ \/ · .,:
because its mindless,
press, to share my joy with t11e :·
. -' . . '.
r
, puerile crap? No, it can't
reading public,
do it wi~ as ~ ·
-- _
'
f be that. After all, look at
much vigor as I II do anytlung ,_
• how well Beavis and
else.
·
• · Butthead are doing. And no
Of course, communication
one complained when
is a tricky t11ing. I tried t11is !M'.31"--along in the grand process millions of five-year olds
/-love-fall bit last year when I
toward death-awaiting-rebirth,
had to see GI Joe every day
wrote for the . . . uh . . . ilie
and I'm so ready for it I could, and to have every little
other newspaper, and by the
so to speak, die.
war toy that came along.
time it got to press, it had
Just think:
fall is 'That's it! Barney just isn't
undergone such ... uh ... such
n e c es sari l y the most ' violent enough. Poor
extensive editing even I didn't
philosophical of seasons Barney, he's just a big
know what I was trying to say.
because its stock-in-trade. is f eggplant-looking wimp.
Strike one.
mortality, the rightful starting When we bitch about how
Now t11e batter steps back,
point of all philosophy, the much we hate Barney,
thinks of all those kids in t11e
only universally-observed I that's really our little inner
orphmrnges, and steps forward
aspect of t11e human condition. I children whining,"Where's
boldly for anot11er swing, a
Etl1nocentric t11ought systems I the blood? Give us blood.
second attempt to hit you over
crumble under the ~.eight of Waaaaah!"
the head with his trusty
tl1eir own presuppos1t1ons and •
Yes, Barney should be
Louisville Slugger of joie-decultural trappings, but meaner, like his ugly
I
J,
l
1:n
A
with low, low production
values. PBS should get
wise and net an adult
audience by locking the
purple behemoth with other
big rubbery monsters in
mortal combat. Where
would his opponents come
from? Sesame Street, of
course! Big Bird, Mr.
Snuffaluffagus, and Oscar
the Grouch are naturally
pissed that Barney's
invading their turf, and
.
&FOUND :_,; ...
Tl-lAL PACK A·~ER · .
PACK,CAMEL'.S
MILDNESS AND
.FLAVOR GIVE ME
MORE PLEASURE
THAN ANY OTHER
CIGARETTE!
i
J
'f
f
f
vivre.
mortality transcends them all.
!
stepcousin, Godzilla. They
cousins after all, both
are mutant spinoffs of a
tyrannosaurus rex, both
f have annoying little
~children for sidekicks, and
lboth come from studios
r(~ It is at once our most horrific .are
TI1is week the weather-god l...IJ}
blessed us wit11 a cold front. I
am anew man.
Y£' .
Isn't it funny how, with 7..J~
our climate controls and our !>or'f'
safe-as-houses shelter from the o ~
elements, yet the weather t l..; "\
affects us deeply? I can feel
like death-warmed-over all
summer, back breaking under
t11e oppressive heat, but when
the first cool breeze hits, I'm
Lazarus. I'm ready for bear.
Here we are on the cusp of t11e
and generous attribute. In t11e
end, life forgives all tluough
deat11, bringing sure respite
from t11e ephem~ral .car~s
besetting us as we mhab1t tlus
mortal coil.
r
Besides, fall brings college ·
football, Thanksgiving and
snuggling.
It brings
Oktoberfest, pumpkins, le
beaujolais nouveau, Arts in tl1e
Park, pretty leaves, Saturday
afternoons at the river,
cookouts, oblique rays of sun
and t11e World Series. I could
THESE H_
ORRID AGE SPOTS* go on.
Every season has its
strong points, but in t11e end,
we owe it all to fall. Fall
takes tl1e resting of winter, the
exuberant awakening of spring
and t11e loathsome toiling of
summer and distills them all
into a sweet liquor of rest, ·
reflection and appreciation that
leaves, as it goes down, a
wann tickle, t11e wannth of t11e
embers of the human
~~-'--~--~~~~~---'~~~~
.1:f 1.·· .,,.. .. .·· .
?1\~iiii!i~1l1~. .: ~ ·
'!,,.;
~,r;;
I
··
WANTED
STEADY ·
.
..
.
A helmet is a nasty thing
When your teeth are green from
eating flowers
And the telephone, it talks for hours
With someone who doesn't appreciate
chocolate pudding.
--Ross Gohlke
___
,
___
91'
---
would probably love to kic;<
his purple ass. They could
I
stomp around Mr. Roger's
-.::. ~
Ask Faith and Reason:
*** Dear Faith and Reason, ~
Neighborhood, raising hell
I am trying to argue with
the advice column that
and smashing King Friday·~
gives
you
smarts
and this friend of mine, Percy, about
hearts
castle to smithereens.
the existence of God. Percy is an
atheist and I want oh so much to
compiled by charles schafer
When they get really
convince him that there is a
*** Dear Faith and Reason,
popular, they can gain
I was in Church last
higher power so that he will
international appeal by
Sunday, listening to a very
maybe ultimately convert to
doing a joint production:
Christianity and I'll feel better
mediocre sermon, when all of a
Barney vs, the Smog
sudden I felt this amazing
about myself as a result. What is
tingling in my leg and I just knew
the most compelling argument for .
Monster or maybe Barney
God's existence? I know one
vs, Rodan . Can you see it? , ' that it was the spirit of the Lord,
working in me! I jumped up and
already about how nature is so
BARNEY: Will you be my
ran down the aisle right then and
incredible like how could there
friend?
made a profession of faith on the
not be a God, I mean just look at
GHIDRAH: Grrronk!
spot. What I want to know is
the flowers and the beautiful
this: do you think that it was
waterfalls and how can you help
BARNEY: I love you .. .
really God moving in me? If so,
thinking jeez, there must be a God
you love me ... we're .. .
why did he do it during such a
and he must be in those flowers
GHIDRAH: reeeeAARRRK!
1 boring sermon? Do you think that
and waterfalls.
(hot blast of radioactive
means it was the devil?
Sincerely,
monster funk melts
Sincerely,
Neva Tay
Lorna Toon
Barney's face).
Faith: Neva, your argument
Faith: Lorna, I think you really
about why God must exist is
PBS, get with it:
. , . did have a wonderful experience of
beautiful. There are other good
unconditional love and
the Lord's spirit moving in you.
ones, too. C.S. Lewis did a super
·... sharing won't cut the
Trust that. Don't worry about the
duper job of reasoning through
mustard. Stick with
devil. He can't hurt you unless
the whole thing. I think the best
you read censored books. The
something more traditional.
argument is that we should have
Lord was just being tricky,
faith in God because then we can
Have Barney stake out his
coming upon you during a boring
be forgiven for our sins.
·i territory, stomp on a few
1
sermon. Remember, He likes to
Reason: Neva, listen. You're
" buildings and tanks, and
·
work in mysterious ways.
trying much too hard. How the
beat the living crap out of
Reason: Lorna, I have to throw
hell do you get "God" out of
any guy in a rubber suit
a little cold water on your parade
"waterfall"? If you want to see
here. The reason your legs got
who comes along. That's
God in nature, get out on the rural
tingly was because you had them
interstate between here and
what we want. Shed some
crossed for too long -- which can
Nashville. Jesus is on at least
d?y-glo purple blood and
happen when you're in church for
three billboards.
we'll watch! Of course, so
hours. You should either open
your legs more or cut out half way
will the kids, so you can
through the preaching. And about
still mechandize. Aiiiieee!!!
trying to make a profession of
It is Barney! We must
faith -- give it up. There's no ·
flee!!!
money in it. Make a profession
-by J. Oliphant
of medicine or advertising. That's
where it's at, baby.
.,
I
I
Flawed
Story
by Mike Augspurger
I
talked
t o
President Daughd r i l l
last week at AT &T.
He was nice enough.
He
answered
my
questions
congenia :t ly.
He said
that the cost of a
college
education
really wasn't going
up, that in fact i t
had stayed about the
same as the price of
a
car
for
years.
People
just
complained about i t
more,
because
its
benefits were harder
to see.
lf"itll_...
Int o.
' College
Costs
Up
More
Than
Doubl e
Rate Of Inflati o n . '
It said, "While the
rate of inc rease for
college
costs
has
slowed somewhat during the past three
years,
1993
nonetheless
marks
the
thirteenth
consecutive ye a r
th a t
those
costs
ha v e
outpaced
The
~'1~en
~
*** Dear Faith and Reason,
When Satan tempts me
to do evil, I am sorely troubled.
What can I do to resist? He is so
powerful, and I am so weak, so ...
human. I know Jesus responded
to the evil one by saying, "Get
thee behind me, Satan." Is it that
easy?
Sincerely,
Anita Will
@~
Ata•
Faith: Yes.
Reason:
You've got to
remember that Jesus was human,
too. And when he told Satan to
get behind him, He had been in
the wilderness for 40 days and his
butt probably smelled terrible. If
you have a lot of B.O., His
technique might work for you .
Otherwise, give it up.
5lu~ _B_o~---:--------,
o.,atH-r. '(otJ J(..ao_,, \
l>w·' T (£e\l..&."f HNI' A~'t
11>E~
c..>M"f"
"Ofl~
.lei
£I.IT'ii ~. I bot.IT £«H
(tJow 'foul{ ,..
1
I
Cereal
\c(;f_ ~ .. - -
I
I
I rea d an a r t i c l e
yesterd ay
in
th e
.,,.E.. yr:r:
(
z A" FA-r BUG!
Jt "b 'lov .t(E••• ~
141ai_,
\
i.\Mlf !
r"\
~·r
You
t.)Alotf 'f"C) ~S"ll\llC
~£
,,,.-
.,. ~,
..
I
II
by
~,
.
�A Didactic Letter
i n Re s ponse to Amy
Chr is Fisher's #I
CAN'T stand cheap
people" election
flyer.
(Yeah, it IS a long
title. Shut up and
read : ) ... )
Dear, dear Chris,
Let me start by
reminding you that
the Honor Council
is no joke. I f
you're going to
make references to
it through #deep"
thoughts, babe,
you've got a
problem. Note the
uqqotes" around
#deep?"
a handle on your
bearings. If you're
going to take off
in this direction,
there is no telling
what other pithy
maxim you're going
to snatch from
another murky abyss
of even #deeper"
thoughts.
en
~
9 ,~
~
::--::
~
~
8
o
J..-4
lS
l
I
·
.
@·. ·.'. ·, ., .
•
~
~ c=
~
~
1
•
Try
:
. ·l
with
·VACUTEX ' ..,.
·· ··
,....
:
three
fl n aer1 .
It · re a ches
:~~:k~.~~dlr ~~~w::11~·ht!.'i; ,~\.~~
·
,
I
.: ;;:-"f,:r.~i~~~,:•
..:~~~ll~=.~h:.. ~~~
·' ,
0
...
,
,
•
1
.
"-.)'
.
. ,extrftcts Bla ckheads automatica lly
The a maz ing ly effective Vacu:tex'
'
0
:::> ::::l
p-
.
Bl~_ckhea~ Remov~r ..
s1oo .
':;::l
.
r.
··, •· · · > "-~
-or no _
cost.
~
(
rJ)
. ~t~ ~!c~1 i~: . ~!'i~-;t~~t 1 ~
M
~ . ?':-> ;
en.§,
g '§ I
~
l~~e~· ~r"~i:~\:'~~~,j~B·.
··
.· .
0
.·
·· ·
VACUTEX and your , dollar, wlll
· be refundorl. : .
chris brown •
holy romin' em~ror
chuck schafer • bosom of abraham
clay combs• "the indulgence vendor"
dipak ghosh • altar boy
Jeffgadomslzl • deep friar
john oliphant • monk d
julie meiman • monk e
mike augspurger.judas priest
pat garrett •altered priest
~o~~ go~l'M· leud 3 cleric
~-·
Are you
in the
knoltv?
Scriptural . Cake
1 ·Cllp or Judgn s:as
3i cup1 of Exodu1 ag:a
a
cupa of Nahum 3: la
1 Cllp o! Geneel 1 a• :17
1 tip of Exodu1 16:31
3 Cllpl Of Jerea:lab 6:30
a cups Of I Samuel 30: la
lcupofNua:ber117:8
6 cup• o! haiab 10: 14
l pincll Of Levi t1 CUI 3: 13
3 tip of Air.01 a:u
Seuon to talte •1th I King1 lO:a. Follow
$olOlllOn 1 1 prelCriptiOn for a good boy .in
Proberb1 33:14 and l:ake .
·BALLCO- - - - - -CO., Dept .-9- ·
- - - PRODUCTS - - - I
g :~.~~ ~~g_g~~ ! 1 ·, ·::;~:S~~~~':i.
' \lf&oh 1cr1ptuu Teru contain• one or 111or1
:
11
,. _________________________ _,
You've implied,
unwittingly I hope,
that requesting
money you have
loaned is cheap!?
Let me see if I'm
missing something:
Good soul loans
needy friend
moolah,good soul
gets needy . and
needs moolah back,
good soul asks for
moolah, good soul
asks, hence he is
cheap? Honey, by
your definition of
#cheap" (in cahoots
with Dr.Handey),not
being #cheap" is
bloody e x pensive.
That's quite a deep
#cheap" thought,eh?
brlzm dlxon • halrytlck
('t'bil recipe 11 ~~er 300 yeare old. Follow tb•
41reot1on1 carefully for a dellolou1 cake).
Ugly BLACKHEADS
OUT IN .SECONDS
;::, .F; ~L~
~ ~
t--< ~
'
......~~ ·
~ ----:,-~.•.
~~
The Rat's
Ass is
assembled by a crack staff
of Rhodes students and/or
friends,
published
whenever the staff feel like
it, and distributed for mass
consumption in the
domain of actual campus
publicatons, the Rat.
Obviously there are no
restrictions on what is
published . . There is
nei.ther regard for, nor
claim of, truth, so don't
get on usabout it. Feel
free to send contributions
and/or letters via campus
mail to any one of the
poor s<>uls listed here.
Look, ( I hope) I ' m
sure you saw some
humor in your
researched quote,
but how much
#deeper" will you
get, especially if
elected to THE
council. Please get
19W. 441hst. , N.Y. 36,N , v .
P•u• 4 3 c poi iit re :
1 ngred1 en ta u1ed 1 n mat 1-ng a cake.
-
If your campaign
has been an
experiment in
negative
advertising,babe, I
commend you for
your courage 'cause
you've certainly
trod the limits of
anti-matter (hence
my #reaction").
Believe it or not,
I wish you luck for
the elections. I've
run for the Honor
Council too , but
never won . Thinking
of which, if you
win, I ' ve got to
get me a copy of
#deeper thoughts"
by that Handey guy.
Sincerely,
Diphthong .
ps.If my criticism
has been a
traumatic
experience, please
feel free to call
x3385 and leave a
nasty rebuttal on
the machine. It
should be a
cathartic of sorts.
Hell, I might
answer the phone
myself and generate
a few (crocodile)
tears .
pps. Welcome to
RHODES :) ~
- 0 r I''- ~
.,,
•.
TERO IN A PUNCH
by:chris brown
&L. os~
{
tfi:l
m
Dark red, like the lips of your favorite
female pom-star,was the color of
the punch in this bowl. Perfectly round
ice-cubes floated all in the red juice;
then I saw this big black terd among
all the perfectly round ice-cubes.
I asked the guy next to me
"Are you drinking this shit ?"
He only smiled as he dipped his cup
into bowl and drank his second cup.
He obviously liked it.
, "Don't question."
~
"Don't ask."
'
"Just drink it."
was his reply.
.
A
�
Dublin Core
The Dublin Core metadata element set is common to all Omeka records, including items, files, and collections. For more information see, http://dublincore.org/documents/dces/.
Type
The nature or genre of the resource
Newspaper
Title
A name given to the resource
The Rat's Ass, September 24, 1993, Volume 02, Issue 05
Subject
The topic of the resource
Newspapers, Publications, Satires, Zines, 1993 Fall
Description
An account of the resource
This issue of The Rat's Ass dates from September 24, 1993. Brian Dixon leads off the issue with a top ten list. Pat Garrett compares religion and geology, Clay Combs describes his love for fall, and John Oliphant reviews Barney. Ross Gohlke writes the zine's first poem alongside Mike Augspurger's and Charles Schafer's centerfold pieces. The back page features a response to Amy Chris Fisher's election flyer by Dipak Ghosh and a short piece by Chris Brown.
Creator
An entity primarily responsible for making the resource
Pat Garrett, Clay Combs, Mike Augspurger, Ross Gohlke, Dipak Ghosh, John Oliphant, Charles Schafer, Chris Brown, Brian Dixon, Julie Meiman
Source
A related resource from which the described resource is derived
Dlynx
Publisher
An entity responsible for making the resource available
Memphis, Tenn. : Rhodes College Archives and Special Collections
Rights
Information about rights held in and over the resource
Rhodes College owns the rights to the archival digital objects in this collection. Objects are made available for educational use only and may not be used for any non-educational or commercial purpose. Approved educational uses include private research and scholarship, teaching, and student projects. For additional information please contact archives@rhodes.edu. Fees may apply.
Format
The file format, physical medium, or dimensions of the resource
PDF
The Rat's Ass
-
http://archives.rhodes.edu/files/original/3aa0d42bb5647b3d9dbed0d9c4fc27fa.pdf
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Text
.- ~ Friday 3 September 1993
Volume 2 Number 2
~~
I
Am
Not
your .- friends for
will
your college career, and
they're all in one Greek
organization,
and you
can't wait to learn the
secret handshake, I can't
ask you to do anything
but pledge .
But if y ou
can, t mak e up your mind
between t he Kappa Sigs
and ATO, or if you want
to pledge be c au s e
ir
wo uld ma k e Dael pr o ud 0 1
y o ur
fri e nd s b r.tc l<. h o 1n 0·
jealous, o r if you ju s t
haven't met anyone in
-oe weeks and need t o
Greek
Bashing!
We ll, maybe a li tt le
by Mike Augspurger
My Dad went to a
small liberal arts school
called Wabash, a shining
spot of learning in rural
Indiana . "The Har vard of
the We st, • the hundred
and fifty year - old sch ool
Dad loved
calls itself.
Still goes back
Wabash .
every year .
And when h e
returns,
the place he
goes back to is the FIJI
hou se.
When I arrived on
-Rhodes campus my first
year, I knew I was go i ng
to be in a frate rnity.
That was what college was
all about, as far as I
knew.
Living together
with
the
same
guys,
hanging out and shooting
h oops and th rowing the
frisbee, or having a beer
on a Saturday afternoon.
A
guy
co uld
mak e
. friendships that wo uld
last forever.
Three weeks into
school, I dropped out of
The quest i on of
rush.
which fraternity I wanted
to
join
had
become
outdated; I didn't want a
part o f any of them .
Somewhere in those three
weeks I recognized that
for me the whole system
didn't
make
sense.·
Talk i ng with
friends,
from people who hadn't
to
new
even
rushed
familiar
pledges,
a
sentiment
was,
"My
decision was the best for
me, I think, but I wish
the choice hadn't been
there.•
By Bid Day, I
was fairly certain that
Imagine ...
TT.r
_.h.,,ck
n£Ut,u
B
fee l a pact of something,
I u c ge you to reconsidec.
The Gceek system
is not ev i l .
It .i s ,
unnecessary,
howevec,
l~
e xpensive , stcessful, and
y iso T~g~- -.·an..,,,!_~;--=--,,,_...__,......,.,..,,..,~~~:~~\t. Rhodes
_1 . 1. .......
.
~
can d o
LETTER TO UNEDITOR
8
year
student:
1)
Go
Greek, and in many ways
lock yourself
into a
sing l e socia l scene, or
2) Stay independent, and
lock yourself out of a
soc ial scene.
Unfortunately,
I
can hardly suggest that
the
Greek
system
at
Rhodes be abo li shed.
It
n ot
just simply will
am
happen .
What
I
suggesting , though,
is
this:
if you are a
first-year student and
you don't want to make a
choice, stay independent.
Let the system die from
lack of i nterest, or at
least
shrink
considerably, so future
classes won ' t have to
worry about i t. over the
last three years, . I have.
seen the "locked out•
In your recent artic
Mr. Combs, entitled "c
Somebody Fart" you co
to the conclusion that ti
city council in Col \
County, GA is guilty ,
breaking civil righ ·
laws, "disfranchisin c
homosexuals,and stifl i;
dissenting opinions. As
read your article a t
finished my Rat burg
one day at lunch, my mir
wandered back to my
hour Logic class and t i
format of cogent
arguement. Conclusio r
and assertions were fou n·
in a plethora,
bu
premises and facts we 1
co r'\ h.f\U e.. d
.J
l'/C.
f"Y>..f ""
f".
SO'- I
'Z..
�not to be found in your
article. Questions like
this were asked:
--"Is anyone concerned
about the legal rights of
the few?"
--"Is it now illegal to
dissent in America ?"
. --"Is
thinking
for
' yourself tantamount to
forfeiture of
civil
ti . privileges ?"
Vintage Rhodes:
Reflections of an Academic
Degenerate
blaming them on the highpowered air-conditioner and
shocking
myself at the
realization that for the first
By: Graham YAHWEH Robertson
time since I left my friends and
Interstate 40 West still
1
The questions you should
have answered- but
didn·' :t- are these:
d11 llwnh. 01 100'6i _.,,n c•tl•ri
c1l1< c-blri11l1ri1 11
--What civil rights laws
H .95 . Trunh
were broken ?
--How
Burning Down the House
was
anyone
by Julie Meiman
stopped from dissenting ?
--How was any form of
I would hate to see this \
free thinking stifled ?
fine institution burn. to the ,
sec ///fl. c/l 'en L/?5+~/i JN
ground; I have no desire to call a ! .
7 ', t < ''
_
__
/7"'l f'T. 'a
MALOLO (r) LICHT BRIGADE 1t&IJ:r11nl1I 1trlp1 jacket wilh 8rltl1h 1cctntu
coUu 1nd WWtr ·1i11 p1d.1I. SIMll l11H 1Mit11111. n.-11 wllh 11ilortd rro1 1
h1
1old/red ,
t rtr / 11,.n . J1ek1I
$4 .95 .
t
charred wasteland my alma mater.
Likewise, it would be a pity if the
Vatican were engulfed in flames.
(They've got plenty of candles-it could conceivably happen.)
The parallels between Rhodes
College and the Vatican are
striking: namely, they are both
run by stodgy white men who
enjoy dictating policy from on
high. · (As a side note: I have
nothing against stodgy white
men, really ... jusl the two to
whom I am referring in this
article--His Holiness the Pope
and His Holiness Dig Daddy
Jim.)
A new residence hall
policy, enacted at the beginning
o
o f "this schci" l year , states :
"Candles, incense, or any other
open flame device are not
permitted in residence hall
rooms" (R.C. Student Handbook,
p.26).
As a member of the
Catholic Church, and , therefore,
a spokesperson for the Pope and
the Church in its entirety, I must
state that we are highly offended
by this policy and its higher
implications. Although initially
enacted as some flimsy means of
preventing fires, it is clearly a
direct attack on the Catholic
C hurch by the governing
Protestant institution of this
school.
Rhodes is supposedly
"committed to the position that
the students should formulate
their own person al philosophy
in dialogue with a Christian
perspective on these issues in an
ll mosphere whi ch encoura ges
·
P
5
turns into Sam Cooper Blvd.,
protecting all those nifty little
creatures from far off places
kept in cages: Rhodes .. . .. . and
the ZOO of course . My
cynicism is on guard, in rare
form and two gears higher than
the overdrive in my new Honda
__ just one of the products of
my year-long hiatus from the
ivory towered walls I loved so
well. I turn the comer and find
myself alone on the divided
highway at 2 :00 AM, Atlanta
time. 1 know 1 won't be able
to fight the emotions much
longer. As 1 zoom under
Graham St. Exit the nostalgia
engulfs me. I hold back tears,
foes in Memphis I, the
consummate bastard, am giddy.
My first hours back on
campus are spent in close
company with a dear friend.
.
Sitting together in White Hall
we're alone with our thoughts,
cigarettes, religion and each
other.
I never knew how
lonely I was until I had a little
company.
As I stumble around
campus for the next few days
tracking down my ancient
syllabi for my alleged transfer I
am bombarded by hugs, kisses
and handshakes from friends I'd
left behind. My unwarranted
tenacity and fear from being
away for so long falls by the
wayside as I am suddenly back
~f~r~e~ed70~1~n~~o~f~:t~h=o~u:g:h:t-a~n~d::-"'__,~~~~~;o:e~b=>;_,,,,.,._:1_;;..~=-~•m;;:===-=--...,,~-o;=-·.-~~';::;::::::~~~:::=i.....-...__
··
. .
expression for all " (Rhodes
Catalog). Well. I'm feeling
disencouraged. I think the Pope
has some rule that says (I'm
paraphrasing) "Prayers will be
answered promptly and , most
efficiently if candles are lit and
the person offering the prayer is
gagging on incense ." . The man
has spoken--we Catholics have a
lot of rules, , and we fo.llow them
"" YES, THA-r '5 HE'~ HeR£
-rl'fE 1>&$K. I l> L1KE
o A?Pa..y f'~ -n..: 5•1>Etr:: IC:( fO~r-TIC»J You
°"'
A~l~liD.
...........
I
whether they make sense or not.
As far as I know, the
Protestants do not have any sort
of rules concernin1( operi flames
(this doesn't include hell, of
course); thu-s, the average
Presbyterian, Lutheran, etc . isn't
affected by this new policy.
I think the Pope would
agree that this policy is
discriminatory and harmful to the
future of the Church. I think it's
also noteworthy that the Vatican
has been lighting candles and
incense since the beginning of
time (or thereabouts), and it
hasn't had any major fires that I
know of. The Pope--again, with
me as his spokesperson-recognizes this attack and
challenges Mr. Daughdrill--or
should I call him Martin Luther?-to a fight in the amphitheatre at
3:00
tomorrow . . . Catholics
versus Protestants, just like the
old days. In the spirit Christian
love, the Pope sends his words of
eternal wisdom : " Hey. You
started it."
in the •groove.•
All the friends I Jove and
missed are around me once
again. I am hearing all the
same complaints I once carried
on my back: difficult classes,
mega-stress, student poverty, a
dubious
administration
operating with more secrecy
than the Gestapo -- allowing
rumors to persist because
they're too coward! y to give the
students the truth, the drudgery,
and the futility of all things
under the sun. But now, here,
tonight, on the eve of my
second departure the giddiness
returns. I finally realize what
the mysterious power is that I
miss so much about Rhodes:
the friends. That was and is
my solace, my salvation. The
small pieces of me that I see
reflected in those I was closest
to.
The communitas, the
conversations I no longer can
afford because of work
schedules, "doing lunch,"
making rent, and"paying off the
mountain of . school loans I
unknowingly accrued. This is
what ·l've sacrificed, what I've
lost.
If you haven't made
friendships of this caliber or
you have but are taking them
for granted stop and realize how
special your time at Rhodes
really is.
Everyone: I love you, you're '.
not forgotten just dearly
missed. Thanks.
. FOR
LI-FE
OR
LONGER. .. GMR
p(}ft:\ '"'th "i
51R.
y~
~tl>EPISU IS UEt(E
••• LOOIC.S LIKE
ESCARQOT M4A1,\i !
E'~ .... No. sra~KICK.
I
StfOVL.O Col1i
SACK
AFTER L.1,1tJC+f.
~~i~~~~~~2~~~?tf~
'
~~
'45"/.fir
The R.A. (I was
informed at press time that the
name The Rat's Ass is the
intellectual property of issue
one and cannot be used in
issue two) triumphantly
returned from a summer hiatus
last week with its Exclusive
Back to School Issue, once
again displaying that the
writers, even during the first
week of school, have nothing
better to do. After reading the
issue, I took a moment to
reflect and offer this critique.
Immediately apparent
is the paper's use of blatantly
sexist clip art. Culled from an
ad in a mid-sixties Esquire, the
snippet supports the notion
that less weight is more, that
to catch the eye of the steely
hunk the woman should have a
nice figure. However, the
paper's attempt at mere
montage should not be viewed
as
approval of the sexist
ideo!'ogy advanced by the ad.
Rather, it serves as a reminder
that .now hopefully obsolete
'
attitudes (but who are we
kidding?) were once rampant in
our" culture. The editors are
obviously appealing to the old
adage that history forgotten is
doomed to repeat. With this is
mind, look for The Rat's Ass
"Piece of Cheese" centerfold in
future issues honoring the
1940's calender artist, Vargas.
In another
controversial move, the paper
allows the use of the word
an
--........, ...
Dr em el
The Rat's
Ass is
assembled by a crack staff
of Rhodes students and/or
friends,
published
whenever the staff feel like
it, and distributed for mass
consumption in the
domain of actual campus
publicatons, the Rat.
Obviously there are no
restrictions on what is
published.
There is
neither regard for, nor
claim of, truth, so don't
get on usabout it. Feel
free to send contributions
and/or letters via campus
mail to any one of the
poor souls listed here.
"fart" in C. Combs article
"Did Somebody Fart?"
Bringing to light a current
snafu in art legislation,
Combs uses the "f' word to
describe the odious actions of
the Cobb County, Georgia
government. When asked to
defend his verbal bravado,
Combs pointed out that fart
pronounced backwards is traf,
which rhymes with the name
of tennis star Stephie Graf. Of
course, the Cobb County
commissioners play tennis.
The implications, according to
the stunned editors, were too
great for a substitute phrase
such as "blow an air biscuit"
or the textbook "flatulate" to
be used.
The olfactory debate
waf~ its way to the back page
in C. Schaeffer's untitled
article supporting his right to
a natural, albeit repugnant,
body odor. A close read
reveals that Schaeffer is
actually forming a relationship
between his smelly persona
and the paper itself.
Schaeffer's demand that variant
hygienes be accepted sans
criticism from the showering
public is analogous to the
paper's desire to exist on
campus in its makeshift, some
may call it smelly, form.
Schaeffer's article, along with
Give
the repeated cut and paste logo,
forms an adroit conclusion to
~the issue.
electric
shoe polisher
Wonderful to Own. ·. . Exciting to
,P
,J.
The local theater was not '
stopped from showing the
plays nor were people
banned from attending the
play if they so chose to do
so. The only action that
took place was that
government funding was
no longer allocated to the
arts. Without answering
the questions above and
providing any facts for
your assertions, one must
come to the conclusion
that your arguement is
one big FART! Now, 'fess
up.
-- Chris Brown
Whispers of
Superficiality: A review
of last week's issue
by Brian Dixon
•
© ,
cd
r:J')
·-
Lava'• Laap of Illuaination
(Ode to Bsae)
Blue-green lava falls and swells in a primal rhythm
Like bare emotions
· Unearthed by honest digging.
A light fran within forms impressionsShadows of life and deathAn affirmation of the natural order.
A synthetic nature of blue bubble-blobs
Bearing the essence of soul-made philosophieaEons of questions without answers.
It pulses with a separate energy
And tranquility.
Reason is a treatise with realityImagination is the child of ~
Wiadan is the on,l y tranagreHionKnowledge is a f~ress of glass.
Burp.
Belch.
The wind is broken.
And illumination passes from me
With the aftermath of that chili dog
From Burney'& Burger Barn.
�TELEVISION AS A MOTIF OF
CULTURAL CORROSION (or,
why I like Roger Waters'
"Amused To Death")
by Ross Gohlke
The
first
impression
startled me like a pick-axe
to the head (did I say
startled?). I was lying on
the floor, half-asleep and
tuned out to the CD player.
Then suddenly- CHOP CHOP
- the piercing rhythm of an
axe splitting wood; I'd
already slept through the
nuclear explosion which
nearly gave my dozing
roommate a heart attack.
rock band, this time he
needs to stand on his own
two feet, and I need a
justification for not talking
about Pink Floyd.
But
Waters doesn't just stand
up. He looks you straight in
the eye, and sometimes
even gets close enough to
spit in it. Or hit you over
the head with a pick-axe.
Catcher In the Rye or
maybe Naked Lunch (the
movie).
Yet to call it
simply music is misleading.
"Amused to Death" is more
recorded performance art.
Sound effects litter the
entire album, bleeding some
songs
together
and
completely altering the
moods of others. There are
narratives also, and it
Perhaps the key to the
success of "Amused to
Death" is this balance of so
many different things, in
the curious juxtaposition of
delicacy and bloodletting,
the engagement of various
senses, the range of topics
addressed- everything
from the "Melrose Kids" to
"What God Wants" to
Tiananmen
Square in
"Watching TV"- "She's the
one in fifty million I Who
can help us to be free I
Because she died on TV."
You cannot simply listen to
this album; you must
experience it. Consid,e r it
an intense alternative to
watching
"Roseanne"
reruns some night; or
every night.
My first exposure to Roger
Waters'
latest effort
"Amused To Death" had
nothing to do with music,
which says a lot about why
this release has not
. received mountains of
attention from the music
press, although its been on
the market since 1992.
The second listening, in the
same dimly lit room with
the same crappy CD player
(apologies
to
my
roommate), this time with
both ears wide open, gave
me a clearer sense of what
this album is about, what a
mammoth
and
gutsy
undertaking it was, and just
how refreshing it is. The
sheer magnitude of Mr.
Waters' ambition alone is
admirable.
But it just so
happens that he's created a
work 01' art, which i1' not
entirely
flawless,
is
nonetheless a little gem
worthy of a listen. Well,
you really have to hear it
more than once. And you
ought to be awakealthough I have to admit it
was a pretty cool way to
wake up.
And don't try comparing
this stuff to Pink Floyd.
Although there's plenty 01'
that psychedelic influence
that made Waters famous
as a founding member of
' England's premier 70's art
quality of sound on each
track.
Even with my
roommates'
cheesy
jambox, I jumped up to
answer the phone at one
point. It just kept ringing.
By the same token, Waters
takes his music seriously,
enlisting the help of such
notables as Jeff Beck and
Don Henley to create a
dark, dirty and blue music
with integrity.
Whatever the term "college
music" has come to mean
these days really has little
to do with being in college;
and I doubt that "Amused To
Death" will ever make it to
the College Hit List- or any
hit list for that matter. Yet
Waters has produced
something that sounds more
like what should be blasting
from dorm room stereos
than any imitation grunge
sound
or
Let's-CallOurselves-Crotch rocketMam a band.
It's the
musical equivalent of, say,
wouldn't be stretching it to
call Waters' strained vocals
more
narration
than
singing. Many of the lyrics
are simply poetry painted
onto a canvas of sounds- or
perhaps it's sounds painted
onto a canvas of words?.
Regardless of how you see
it, there is no denying the
strong visual imagery
rnni11rPrl hv thP r.hnir.P ~nd
As is the case anytime
someone points the finger,
especially at well-dressed
people sitting comfortably
around big TV sets in nice
houses, there ought to be
criticism of unfair heavyhandedness. I don't hear
anything. OK, I'll say it.
The album gets a little
weighty. I mean, look at
the cover art! Forget about
understatement. And then
there's that line from "Too
Much Rope", the same song
with the axe: "Give any one
species too much rope, I
And they'll fuck it up."
But Waters' words are so
intriguing and the music so
eloquent, I can forgive him
. for being intense and
thought-provoking. In fact,
he's given those of us
monkeys without TV's
something to do.
�
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Newspaper
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The Rat's Ass, September 3, 1993, Volume 02, Issue 02
Subject
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Newspaper, Publications, Satires, Zines, 1993 Fall
Description
An account of the resource
This issue of The Rat's Ass dates from September 03, 1993. This is the first issue in the collection to feature a "Letter to Uneditor". It contains a critique of Greek life from Mike Augspurger, and a review of a policy restricting open flames in dorms by Julie Meiman. Graham Robertson writes a farewell to Rhodes, Brian Dixon reviews the previous week's issue, and Ross Gohlke defends an album. This issue is made up of the standard four 8.5" x 11" pages.
Creator
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Mike Augspurger, Julie Meiman, Graham Robertson, Bill Wiggleston, Brian Dixon, Ross Gohlke, Chris Brown
Source
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Dlynx
Publisher
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Memphis, Tenn. : Rhodes College Archives and Special Collections
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PDF
The Rat's Ass
-
http://archives.rhodes.edu/files/original/29c4a2deff9c4ad7cf00da91a3c5c752.pdf
bf8716168a88713ecee90830e4631757
PDF Text
Text
'•
A Dialogue
Angry Reader:
I FIND THE RAT's Ass™
FRIVILOUS, OB.JECTIONABLE AND OBSCENE .
WHY DO YOU FORCE ME TO READ
11?
Rat's Ass™ Spokesperson: First of all it
is very difficult for the composers of
the Rat's Ass™ to acknowledge the
existence of other people, much less
attach any importance to their
opinions. Those we do acknowledge
we see as purely for our
entertainment, and take great
pleasure inwatching them squirm.
As a matter of fact I feel as if
I'm engaging in a conversation with
myself right now. Your own
weakness forces you to read it. We
have ceased hiring thugs to increase
our circulation, although it is
commonly brought up in the
meetings of our cabal.
A
BEAUTY!
c!lra.1/
A.R.:
l'M SPEAKING TO A PERVERTED BUTT-
PIRATE WHO IS FOND OF LITTLE BOYS!
Narrator: The Angry Reader is reduced
to Nothingness, and restored as a
donkey testicle with a slightly angrier
voice.
A.D.T.:
<MUFFLED> WHAT'S YOUR
PROBLEM? I'M NOW ENCLOSED IN A
A.R.:
BUT WHAT OF JOURNALISTIC
SCROTUM!
RESPONIBILITY TO THE COMMUNITY?
R.A.™S.P.: Are you not listening? We
don't recognize Community as an
operative concept. Especially not
capitalized. Our responsibility is to
the Rat's Ass™, except some of us,
who place their dedication in deitites
of our own creation.
R.A. ™S.P.: You are asking about my
concern for your opinions? I can take
you more seriously in your current
form.
A.D.T.:
I OB.JECT TO YOUR USE OF THE
ADVERTISEMENTS FROM Goo-FEARING
TIMES, TO YOUR AVANT-GARDE
TYPOGRAPHY, AND TO THE PORNOGRAPHY
A.R.:
WHAT'S WITH ALL THIS NEGATIVE CRAP
ABOUT Goo?
IT'S OBVIOUSLY .JUST A
BUNCH OF SHIT.
CONTAINED IN YOUR PUBLICATION.
IT'S
KIND OF NICE IN HERE.
WE ALL KNOW THE
TRUTH.
R.A.™S.P.: Blasphemous Bastard. Are
you aware to whom you are
speaking?
Narrator: Rat's Ass™ Spokesperson
giggles at the squirming sack, and
destro s it a ain.
GO!!
�WHAT TH£ SCIENTISTS HAVE
A Response To Red·emption - hy: chris hrown
For (the son
<1f) 111<11111111.1 he
·1
TO~ .
Sheepish Logarhythm
slain
by Stay Joviall
S11LL Loo King 4 a savior - save your (asS)
Rhythm: metrical movement or flow
as detennined by the recurrence of
features of the same kind fr. L
rhythmus or F. rhythme -Gr.
rhuthm6s, rel. to rhein flow. (_
it is so easy to criticize a stranger: a nigger, a jaw, an addict.
ReCkLEss Youth : LoSTsOUL
GOGOGOGOGOGOGOGOGO!
THe knowledge <faged hones they know not (sigh)
The following excerpt from Gregor Samsa's
journal is to be used for our next class
1 meeting as a paradigm of Animistic Butter
Fluttonizationism. Please come to class
• ..._~ prepared to discuss the sex, gender, and
object choice implications of a functiona l
and a p riori deconstructive reading of this
text in Sanskrit.
"Tching prayed on the mountain and
wrote MAKE IT NEW
on his bathtub.
Day by day make it new
cut underbrush
pile the logs '
keep it growing."
-Ezra Pound, Cantos #53
Will you let
me be
YouR saViOuR?
Fill you with (a) LI {F} E ..
L.L.I
Q..
GOGOGOGOGOGOGOG
OGOGO!
c:::> I
::C
Maybe it was my fault. I mean, I was the one that got
.- ~p and put on all black. l pulled my hair up into a bun
~
antj put o n my most serious face before I stepped out
c:::> of the house. I suppose, though, that my first
encounter with small Japanese children has since
shaped my later encounters ...some warped kiddie
hermeneutic. Akiko-chan, my ho st-sister's friend,
came to the house for the sole purpose of viewing me.
Herro ... Look at her hair ' And her while ski11. Gosh,
she really is a gaiji11. Listen to her ji11111y
accent... make her sc~v more ...That was manageable
because Akiko-chan was so cute. Then her three yearold sister peered ·around the corner to see me. She
c:::C flattened herself against the far wall and edged
towards me. I smiled and she wailed . I felt like
Medusa. She cried for ten minutes, unable to leave the
room o r listen to her mother, who also came to view
me, as she tried to give her a cookie and quiet her I
couldn't leave the room, because I would have scared
her to death had I moved an inch. So I sat at the table,
miserable, because I caused the nervous breakdown of
a small child.
As you read these words
'
my existence is propelled.
CAN
GOGOGOGOGOGOGOGOGOGO!
oWN
you
go gou pt. went, pp.gone twalk·
move along, proceed. OE.gan, pr~.
ga,gcest, pl.gap, ppgegan + OFris.
gan, gen, pres. 3sgget(h),geith, pp.
gen, OS. -gan, inful/gan accomplish
(Du.gaan), OHGgan pres.gam,
gas, gat, games, gat, gant, andgen,
pres. f!em, ges, etc. (Ggehen), CrimGothicgeen (not in the Gothic of
?
Wulfila).
GOGOGOGOGOGOGOG
OGOGO!
taff Box
Jay Witherspoon: soap
Ann Mccranie: towel
Dave Sears: toothpaste
Chris Brown: shaving cream
Martin Fox: razor
Stay Joviall: water
The Rat's Ass is a student-produced
publication planted among the many
others on this campus by unseemly
and manipulative powers greater than
all of us. There are no restrictions
on what is published, and should
you be offended by its contents,
take issue with the staff and anticipate certain morphological/animalislic transformations occurring.
Have a nice day.
9l&ll
AGENTS,COME and EXA~flNl~
I
An Invent!on urgently ne_ded by every body, or sample•
e
eent free by mail for 50 els., which retail• for $G ea•lly, by
R. L. WOLCOTT, No. 170 Chatham &1unre, N. Y. .
Then came the hordes of little children that I passed
everyday. They all wear the cutest little unifom1s, but
don't let anybody tell you that uniforms create a wellbehaved child. As I sat down one day in the park
reading an assignment, two little girls approached me
and pulled at my hair. They were obviously not
frightened. I turned around and after a moment's
hesitation, ate them both They were quite tasty, but I
would say that in picking out small children, footwea r
should be given the utmo st attention
eE~\!;~~~
�~~
~m:ms:Elf~@
~~s0~12s1rrilit:~sAl.Ulu1~1irooMS.STl,CiN1 '
M1m~l~sNEEDts_~
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H""' <1 :Llv. CllS
(.il::CIRCL&~~~I
H~ r~11~~~501WA1U ({/y.1SAi-lcPtJ§E's'D
~~nlllfrr¥FUL_.GOOD!O~~PAl!t ·1 °•.(l<~
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<-"7:!';<
0
~
"-'-'·frit~cbllCG.Sililll
1 01
tJ,., ' 'J\,U'
Subscribe for GO Sanitary Commission Pack~s, and
get 1 No. 6 American Album Watch Free. Total, $15.
100 Pacbgcs, $25-1No.10 A. A. Wa;ch and 50 Phot0graphs Free. Every Package con;a1ns ~O Rare Cnrio•itios of Art, nsefal to all, and mil ea81ly pay 500
p•ir cent.- to Agents. Eve.r y Soldier, Patriot, Lady, or
s-..,nin ncor ono anm Ono Package, 25 cents, sent
ls
p 0 ,t-paitl hy R~t.nru Mail. Sond Stamp for Oal~!ogno.
_ B. WESTBROOK &
J,
100 Spring-St., N. Y•.
po.,
Fat Boy Feigns ti!.'liet in the Humor of Absurdity:
A Pen;onohty Te<! •
by Jay Witherspoon
9
What type ot personality do you have?
Tdon't know.
b) Ask my genetalia.
c) Get ott my case, you sack of ... (caustic slur ot
choice)!!!
d) IJoo-doo balls.
e) Youtl'llme.
a)
What does the word ;;undulate" remind you of?
a) Mom.
b) Hey, look!! I formed a tent-like structure in my
pants!!
c) Smegma.
What would you do in the event of thermonuclear war?
a) Stock up on creamed corn. I love creamed com.
b) Get wasted.
c) Dt·creasP in mass.
d) NUfHING.
e) Phlegm.
What do you bt·lieve to be the worst problem
with tht• world today?
a) I just can't get close to someone when they
smel I.
b) I cannot reconcile my belief in a benevolent,
omnipotent Creator with my longing for the
carnal pleasures of creamed com.
c) Everyone in the world should be more like me.
d) Undulation.
e) My sack is caught in my zipper!!l!!i!!!!!
What articles are in your pockets right now?
I lw elixir of everlasting orgasm and about
thirty-seven cents in change.
b) My booger collection.
c) Hey, my Rocket's in there!
J) You think I carry a newspaper around in my
pants?
l') Why don' t you come over here and find out?
<1)
i
~ ·~
J~i~
•.
' li A~.
··ti
CQ11
..
What is your favorite name for excrement?
a) Mom.
b) Brown creamed corn.
c) This question.
d) Television.
e) I allow my teces to name themselves.
1 think you are nice. Do you like me, too?
a) Eat my brown creamed com, spunky.
b) You do have a superb foreskin.
c) Is this a trick question, huh? What do you
want from me, freak?
What do you think about the following poem?
Hmmm
Ahhhh
I like to
run my fingers
through the gauntlet
that is my crotch.
And speak to him
in perfect Italiano.
a) Would someone mind telling me what the
hell is going on?
b) It is a childish attempt at humor, and the
author should attempt to gain some sort of
literary ability before he insults my
intelligence again.
c) HaHaHaHa. He's talking to his pecker!!
RESULTS:
You are weird.
�
Dublin Core
The Dublin Core metadata element set is common to all Omeka records, including items, files, and collections. For more information see, http://dublincore.org/documents/dces/.
Type
The nature or genre of the resource
Newspaper
Title
A name given to the resource
The Rat's Ass, September 8, 1995, Volume 04, Issue 04
Subject
The topic of the resource
Newspapers, Publications, Satires, Zines, 1995 Fall
Description
An account of the resource
This issue of The Rat's ass dates from September 08, 1995. The front page of this issue features a debate between an angry reader named 'Angry Reader' and the Rat's Ass Spokesman names 'Rat's Ass Spokesperson.' Stay Joviall tells us 'What The Scientists Have To Say.' On the last page Jay Witherspoon talks about the Humor of Absurdity.
Creator
An entity primarily responsible for making the resource
Stay Javiall, Ann McCranie, Jhay Witherspoon
Publisher
An entity responsible for making the resource available
Memphis, Tenn. : Rhodes College Archives and Special Collections
Rights
Information about rights held in and over the resource
Rhodes College owns the rights to the archival digital objects in this collection. Objects are made available for educational use only and may not be used for any non-educational or commercial purpose. Approved educational uses include private research and scholarship, teaching, and student projects. For additional information please contact archives@rhodes.edu. Fees may apply.
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PDF
The Rat's Ass
-
http://archives.rhodes.edu/files/original/13ccf3251b753882229e40173e2482cd.pdf
024707b13b9fe9daf73b8cdf49779121
PDF Text
Text
s
ASS STRENGTH
There's No Going to
Town in Bathtub, or,
How to Endlessly
Enjoy the Fracture of
Narrative.
b~ 1'\1'rtin
'FcJ(
~
Tomorrow's leaders
Edward Gorey's
phantasmagoria
consists of parodies of
Victorian children's
literature, adopting a
darker version of
Lewis Carroll's antididactic strategies.
His The Raging Tide:
or, the Black Doll's_
Imbroglio uses the
form of Choose-YourOwn-Adven ture children's novels in
which -the reader is
pn:~sented with a
degree of control in
linking passages
together through
directed pageturning.
1 one sciens
tific answer to that idiotic Freudian
mumbo jumbo .
are busy tonight
The form of
the text, then, is
potentially different
with every reading.
Each page consists of
a sentence _
ac-companied by two choices_
_and page-ilirectives
a._11d a drawing
illustrating the
action. Thus, if you
find Hooglyboo's
cramming Eighash
inside a vase elev€!",
you are instructed to
turn to 11,
continuing the
narrative. If, on the
other hand, all this
seems too terrible to
contemplite, you
turn to page 29,
send.ing_everyone
joyously to an early
grave and ending the
story. In some
readings, two to four
T·N·T
,,_ p 0 PC 0 RN
of the protagonists
will assault one
another with
domestic objects until
the end, with possible
excursions to the
Dogear Wryde
Topiary Gardens or to
illuminatory passages
on turnips and
prunes.
The control, in
the forms that Gorey
satirizes~ however, is
somewhat illusory,
an4.as_ is traditional
in children's literature, is designed to
impose codes of
''common'' sense._ and
morality ,-as death of
the reader (the ending of the narrative)
can result from
choices deemed
"wrong'~ by the
author. Gorey
subverts this by foregrounding the
manipulativness of
the genr.e and
pointing towards the
implicit codes-of
morality in the
choices offered. One
act of attempted
senseless violell€e
leads to another, with
little s€Ilse of order
other than_that
Linposed by the
reader's choices. The
implication, then, is
that such · systems are
arbitrary and
therefore without
--~ ,....,
.-
....... :
·-
,....
THE ENEMY
NOW
IF EUROPE AND ASIA1·
.
WERE LOST
-,
.
TOTAL POPULATION is ~O\\'. r.oushly h~·o to one in our fav or.
'°i
.
�·~
,.
.
~
...............
..
. ,,,,.,..-~ ,,,... /I
,
·" j
• / ,-/
/.,,..,
·
·· ·
· h Ross Gohlk_ ":
e
An Interview ~ft
./7 .., -·-r , ~ ..
-.-,,
.
-.
/7
.
~~
•
...,·.:;·~·
l<
Well, another school year
is underway, and you're a
senior, right?
R: Right.
r: I should mention that I'm
not conducting this
) interview because I
•. ·?:; personally find you very
D:a..: interesting, but you are a , ,.
-~ pretty visible person on .
1.,,. campus this year, not
-;' necessarily visuallyR: I live off campus, but I hav
a meal ticket.
r: What I mean is that
because of some of the
things you're involved in
this year at Rhodes our
readers might like to know
a bit more about you.
R: You have readers? ·
r: I know you are a
sometimes contributor to
the Rat's Ass. What are
some of your worthwhile · · -~ :i.
extracurricular activities? -~ '¥
R.: Actually I'm about the only _-:-'
· J.
good thing the Rat's Ass
·~!l\'
,:::has going for it this year,
.
..
but don't print that. I'm
,/
also an officer in the Wool '
Socks, Rhodes' only
/ _!!:::'~ ' ·
d
double barbershop quartet. r _ .
')
Maybe not for long. There ~
is a group of about 20 or
so young women forming
a group called the Silk
Stockings.
Obviously derivative and
doomed to failure with a
name like that.
What's wrong with being
derivative? Do you think
thatyour group is original? _ _ __,
Don't get me started on
the epistemelogical
problem of mimesis. I'm in
Contemporary Continental .
- - - ··
·- -·
IVER
.
~~
-·"'.'
1 ~~~~~o~;~:iEngiisli
concurrently.
Then you don't use big .
words that you don't
know the meaning of
yourself.
R: How do you know I
don't know?
Have you noticed how
often the word "you"
has come up in this
interview so far?
You started it.
Isn't this interview just
a weak excuse to force
your megalomaniac
over-self-important ~elf
onto the freshmen and
other unsuspecting
members of the Rhodes
community?
Actually, I was.going to
ask you the same
question. Incidentally
the Wool Socks are '
l~oking for gig_ _ any
s of
kmd. So while we're on
the subject, if anyone in.
your imaginary
.
audience has a' need for W"i -.
an over-talented, underworked double "
barbershop quartet,
they can send DECMail
to GOHSR. , ,;
The Rat's Ass does not
participate in· such
blatant displays of selfpro~~tion ~q free 2;:3· ::..gfift:ibtftV~
publicity.
COSMO TRON .. . 0
Your idealism would be .
~--~
admirable except that I r-~.
happen to know that
J;,r
you don't have anything ~. 7'
else to print this week. :':.i '
How do you know that? '.!"'
t :·
'
-
C~OS~l':IG i~ one ta~t~cal military_situation ~nto whi~h_an
·g;.• •k·
-.m~~~r ~-.;.
....
~r
~ACID
YOUNG ~~~~hi~~PERSONf~ ELECTRODE
Christina Huntington
0~~#
1)~.,..u.
Last Saturday morning, a strange thing
riappened. At about 1 I :20 that
morning, m toes slithered from under
v
.....-=,...... the covers to make their f1 rst contact
~-111 of the day with the little piece of
carpet by m bed. I was immediately
y
alarmed bv the sharp crunch I felt.
which brought to mind tt1e
haH-squished roach I had seen on tne
bathroom tile the night before. When I
drew m foot back , however. I didn't
v
ifind a six- legged v1sitor , but a small
\greenish fragment of something,
mavbe a shell. I kicked it out of the
way, figuring it was easier to let it.
bioCJegrade in some corner than to
actually pick it up When I walked
over to my sink , I pinched my fool
again , and this time bothered to study
what this annaying little thing was. It
turned out to be a piece of acorn. Later
I found another fragment lodaed in the
inch-thick sole of mv shoe like the last
kid hiding in a game of hide and seek. 1
Just left it there.
Three years ago, during my first
semester at Rhodes, I spent about 45
minutes of one wonderfully chilly dav
sitting outside with too little clothing
on. I was waitng for a friend with
whom I have long since lost contact.
but at the time we were close and he
was rn town. We had set a time for him
lto pick me up, but he was chronically
late, and even though I knew this. I
kept expecting him to drive up the next
minute. so I stood outside Bellinorath
in mv skirt and t-shirt inst~ of
running inside for a jacket. It would
only be a few more minutes, I kept
telling myself as my fingernails grew
steadily bluer. If I went back to m
y
room for even a minute, my friend
might drive up and, not seeing me
there, think he was in the wrong place
and leave. Besides, it was startino to
feel good out there. Something about.
that kind of cold can clear the mind,
m
ake you especially aware of
·38nsations, make you realize that you
are, in fact , alive. The air had that
fresh smell you notice in the fall , but
of radioact_ve onlv when vou first wal ~ outsidP """rl
i
would be dropped intcf the river, throwing out rolling mists
enemy cou_d spray which would destroY'·irtually all life within the mile circle sh own above.
l
!\o wonder th e;;e weddings are
more of a fa rce t han a reality and
n ever last.
Your picture of Janet Leigh and
Jerry Lewis is the mo;;t horrible, vulgar picture I h ave eYer seen in any
111agazine.
Least Favorite Pupil
rr s,..,,...,,ll)
it m
ade the shadows sharoer and
deeper. I think the thrnQ I noticed m
ost
that dav was that each time the wind
blew , it wouM ram dull orown acorns
They crackled against the pavement,
pricking m ears with their sound and
y
sometimes knocking agamst my head on
the wav down. It was as if it were
sleetina. I told m friend about it
v
when h-e finally got there. and he said
that the sairrels had probably been
throwing acorns at me. I thought he
was a little paranoid.
That little acorn fragm in my shoe
ent
told me som
ething. A week I've been
ll
noticing that they've started falling
aoain. I went home toc:tav , and when I
walked up m driveway' they were
y
crunching underfoot. The birds aren't
smging at night anymore. Pretty soon
the beetles will be crawling in to die.
Last vear , the Voorhies stairwell was
littered with little half-alive beetles.
They would crawl around for a little
while then just give up and sit there,
even if you poked at them. I eventually
gave up trying to make them keep
moving. It was fall, their time to die
So, what is my point in talking about
all of this? I guess it has som
ething to
do with the idea that som
etimes, small
things speak with more authourity
than one would expect. E though the
ven
heat is still beating the hell out of me
these days, I'm looking for those little
details that hold the promise of fall .
Looking out over the playground,
she thinks, He's been a bad boy again.
one cup flour
I w
as so cl ose .
two eggs
He deserves to be punished, again .
one cup mil k
So close.
one tsp. vanilla extract
Your cover of Janet Leigh is utterI should call his father.
ly disgusting.
one cup sugar
She might call Dad .
a pinch of sal t
But his father is never home .
preheat oven 350 °
But Dad is never heme.
..
_..
\,
FANTASTIC WEAPONS
StaffB~
D. Ghosh
R. Gohlke
J. Oliphant
C. Huntington
M. Fox
J. Stovall
C. Schafer
My blo od pressu re hasn't returned
t n n;1nn;i\ ..: i11r1•
~('Pill~ J a ne1 LPi!!h's
Bengali Bruiser
Cogent Boy Wonder
Barney's Bane
Sangria Christy
Vulpine News Hound
Muscular Dystopia
Sans Cerebrum
W
aterproof Plug
Automotive Plug
�Movie Review
A couple of weeks ago i went to see a
:1ellow drama at the orpheum. It was
hat movie, umm, easy rider, and i
bsolutely hated it. It was funny,
nough. I liked natural born killers.
Restaurants of Midtown
I had better not name this restaurant
•
ecause i fear lawsuits like the plague.
\nyway, it is in midtown, i was there
he other day, and i saw a roach. It was
·ery very disgusting. I will say,
hough, that the food was good. Quite
ood.
Memphis Night Life
Pool is fun and there are some good
estaurants. Reading is fun but you can
o that in any town or city. Or rural
rea.
The People
It's like anywhere, i guess; some
oeople are nice, some are pretty mean.
m pretty normal so i don't have to
lke a lot of sh-t.
Other Things
I for one am having great difficulty
·ying to find good criteria that
istinguish art and science from each
ther. I feel that art probably means a
rocess we don't understand because it
; so complex or is obscured by blights
f ignorance in the fabric of our
:iphisticated but certainly not
ltimately sophisticated conceptual
:ameworks. So really I think that
oing art and doing science are the
ame except that in one case it's much
1ore obvious to us what we're doing. I
ould go on and on about this until i
1aybe made some sense but i won't.
Why
And i'll tell you why i won't. It's
ecause i'm apathetic and my powers of
oncentration are laughable. I'm
ctually laughing right now. And i
lame mtv for my laughter, even
Jough watching it never makes me
i ugh. I honestly don't mean to sound
itter. Probably just too much coffee.
:spresso, even. I'm always into the
1test fad.
Religion
I love to talk, read and think about
iat phenomenon people have· named
religion." Religious people can be so
1otivated! Much more so than you
nd/or i probably usually are.
>readfully horribly bad, though, can be
lJ
z
0
Vl
.....J
j)
Vl
~
~
religion for the sense of humor. I think:I
being cynical and probably also quite I-flippant is the true mark of a person
with a healthy(not as in "health" but as
in "definitely there in a menacingly
flourishing way") sense of humor.
Because and i know this is obvious
there are just so many more things and bigger, more important things that the cynical and flippant person is
having humor over.
Well
Well, i need to go. I enjoyed talking
to you.
_/\
lIST BI<:FOIU: l'LA Y BEGAN IN THE ANNllAL NATION
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Dublin Core
The Dublin Core metadata element set is common to all Omeka records, including items, files, and collections. For more information see, http://dublincore.org/documents/dces/.
Type
The nature or genre of the resource
Newspaper
Title
A name given to the resource
The Rat's Ass, September 9, 1994, Volume 03, Issue 03
Subject
The topic of the resource
Newspaper, Publications, Satires, Zines, Fall 1994
Description
An account of the resource
This issue of The Rat's ass dates from September 9, 1997. On the front page of this issue of The rat's Ass martin Fox tells us the truth. Ross Gohlke sits down to be interviewed while Christina Huntington talks about that small things. The last page is a continuation of Christina Huntington's article.
Creator
An entity primarily responsible for making the resource
Martin Fox, Ross Gohlke, Christina Huntington
Source
A related resource from which the described resource is derived
Dlynx
Publisher
An entity responsible for making the resource available
Memphis, Tenn. : Rhodes College Archives and Special Collections
Rights
Information about rights held in and over the resource
Rhodes College owns the rights to the archival digital objects in this collection. Objects are made available for educational use only and may not be used for any non-educational or commercial purpose. Approved educational uses include private research and scholarship, teaching, and student projects. For additional information please contact archives@rhodes.edu. Fees may apply.
Format
The file format, physical medium, or dimensions of the resource
PDF
The Rat's Ass
-
http://archives.rhodes.edu/files/original/c38057034560aa559ba55b3a3abf9b2c.pdf
a31ef69c76f0f69ceef28992a8e30e29
PDF Text
Text
Book explains : Art princiC
pies; artists ,. earnings; age '
nn
t.
•
•
aei ive service underwear
~:-ta ~
Dear Faith and Reason, <cHUC:..K?
I am trying to have a
closer walk with my Lord and
Savior Jesus Christ. After a great
struggle with the substitute gods
of sexual license and cable
television, I have finally decided
th~t H~ is the. most important
tl11ng m my life. My question is,
how du I "get right with God"
and how do I know that I really am
having_a closer walk?
Smcerely,
Avery Minette Swanborne
Faith: It 's the easiest thing in the
'.vurld, A?enJ. All you have to do
~i s put aside material things, open
..,, yuur h~art to Je;us, and repent of
1$,l 1 sms. That s the magic
!011r
f l 'Jrnwla!
nds
- ' ~as on : _Sou_ like that might
-rk. Give it a try, Avery. Some
·ds of advice, though: when I
'.lside material thmgs I
,,ny forget where tliey are.
may need to make a list of
/ ".. · · you stash them, because
<
/hose things may come in
.
Ni:itch out with the open
,fi '>
;mess, especially if
..c-:
'·IF·
~·
5e stuff 1s the easy, risk-
_J· you'[[ want to trY. that
!
·· .Are, because it can t hurt.
·\· ·'
. Jse your eyes, imagine God
. a_zng, and say, "I repent of all
f szns. I know I'm not worth
forgiving, but please forgive me
any~vay. " DO NOT forget to
~enu_nd God how illogical it is to
; urg1ve you. It makes Him feel so
casual, cutting corners like that
A 11d
r nqlfl /
rn11n l< N nT A /\Tr.
RI
Y
n h .~ t ~ f'l P
vn ut h
$300
FOR
SINGLE
ILLUSTRATION
no
•f
:'My wor~ ha s bee n pu blis he d :
m. mag~z me s; least I 've re- ·
ce 1ved is $ 40, mos t i s .$300.
Yo ur g re at c ourse g ave m e
t h e 'know- h ow'." Flo yd M.
Green, Sea ttle .. Washin gt on .
�UM01;)UJOH
Senior Photographs
A cup of sand
a handful of zebras
and all the used car lots
Merlin could care to sumnon:
1ou!w/ 1ofew
;nu~N S,lO!U~S
i.-pak qko-s-k>
1lcx.;y OF Wam.•11s
Those of us
I.At' Pf\Yflt
· ul rnnare
fortunate enough to have
What a strange place to leave a town,
read last year's yearbook
ecrmc;--a
suppose.:1 to be.
have much to remember,
> an appe11ze11."
<,;;iovAi.;...
tears of joy (for overall
r;_~,
Quality) mixed with the
TWIT) . "I'LL see
horror of pagan senior
~'.
HTl!ll JS
portraits. Reason enough
r
.,
'Cf. IF r/Je
for m ch concern. After
- -------- - r- ...... . v, .....
LL-seasoneo
al , lightning may miss
WIT1J a Libe11al ains oec;11ee, SICIJOJe11eo
eretics occasionally, but
occaswnaLLy 111 rnsrennal loa1111nc;, (Hell 1s
the Federal Board of
01/Je11 people, ape11 aLL--pm.mc:ila11ly 111 a
km/Jen) ano laOJbasreo now ano ac;a111 &y rhe
Senior Portrait Censors
c;ene11al aJanac;rn. Fo11 rhe heeo111c; OF rnuly
never fails to strike terror
eXQUJSITI! waire11s, 1Je amsr &e a rrnesoaJe
in our hearts (forgive the
man, c;1ven 10 111sprne Ins eOJployees w1Th
~M
cliche).
"f
upl1p1nc; p11oaJ1ses OF soa1eoay 01a11ac;111c; rhern
~,
The FBSPC has
Q!f.!l ResrauRanr.
~
•
:
Warc/J 1nai 111 acrwn.
systematically annulled
,,r ~ ' 1
Nore r/Je c;emle a11c OF r/Je kerclmp
the accreditation of
mater. Take the time to Z
,
• · . \.
. _ bonle 11111es11bly Fl1ppeo eno ove11 eno.
colleges , and even
acquaint yourselves with Iii.I
"J ' .. : ~ ~. -:..' Deply cauc;1n, IT oesrn1bes rhe cycle OF
bulldozed some into the
the norms set by the
~
r:~ Jl};t~· ORc;a111c OJaTTeR, rhe celeha11011 OF l1Fe TO
bowels of Mother
FBSPC (1-800-555-1212). I
.':,~
:.: i·
oea11J TO liFe, wn1J JUST a Touch OF r/Je
Earth-there's also talk of
..
0Jelanc/Jol1c Rea1111oe11 rhar you, r/Je cus1001e11,
suppose you may also
aRe 1101 exea1p1 FROOJ rhe wheel.
a Gothic-architecture
contact the Lynx staff at
ObseRve 1JOw, w111J a nearly
fetish. Why? Well, there
x3971.. ..
Qua11reReO &au rowel, he 01spa1c/Jes an e1111an1
are a few common
Brother and sisters,
Fly 10 ITS nexr 111caR1ia11011. A subrle
infractions that come to
UNITE. Strive to smite
Reannoe11 rhar r1Je FOUR 1JUOJOURS, each 111
mind: submissions were
pRopo1111on 10 r/Je or1JeR assuRes balanceo,
the heathen that dare
not photographs, seniors'
noRmal behavw1m-obl1V1011 111 r1Je me0Jo11y OF
rape the fabric of decency
r1Je wo11lo. (Yau see? Hmm. Yes . Yes!)
faces were not visible,
at Rhodes. And let no
Eve11y move, eveRy wo110 alluoes.
some pictures had more
more senior portraits
You will be seRveo, bur 1101 o&seQuwusly.
than three people in
shake these foundations
You will nor Fail ro Recoc;111ze rhe bal.nnce OF
them! In case you think
of Truth, Loyalty and
pawrn. Thouc;1J you may ReQuesr 10 see rhe
these rules are ludicrous,
Service.
a1a11ac;eR ar youR le1suRe; youR manne111sms
you're obviously an
(oR even wo11se, you11 0111neR) may ar any
a1oaJe111 became r1Je c;eneRal aamse01e111 OF
Folks, I've enjoyed
anarchist, or a blithe soul
r/Je km1Je11 STaFF· Tins IS rhe y111 a110 yanc;
all too blissful to be
this exercise in verbosity
OF r/Je wa1Te11/ cusromeR lneRaRc11y, so 111pe
and I'll put an and end to
bothered by the laws of
FOR oeconsrnurnon 11 shoulo pRobably c;o
the land.
your misery. In a
w1pluckeo.
S1c;nal111c; a c;ooo wai1e11 10 arn.•no
My fellow
nutshell, I think the new
one's neeos, 1s rbrn an assumprwn. Eac/J will
Rhodents, in these
rules for senior portraits
1m01ouR r/Je ar1JeR ro play Roles alReaoy lone;
uncertain times let's not
stink like a load of horse
esrabl1s/Jeo. Make 110 ansrake, 1JoweveR .
be unmindful of the
dung. Period.
security of our alma .
,,
(,r-,_>
~
.,
/-/
_/_c
~.// /
~P.'I
-
--
Tak111c; pan 111 an assu01pnon 1s one OF r1Je
no/;lesr enoeavoRS available TO us. To
assume, FOR example, rbar l1Ff 1s woRTIJ
l1V1nc; 111 r1Je pos1-salva11on eRa, 011 rbar
IVOROS mean T1Je same TO &orb speake11 ano
/JeaRe11 1 011 even rhar one's COFp~e 1Jas nor
been &ooc;eReO as well as suc;a11eo, 1s rhe
oepnmve acr OF 1mman1Ty 111 a WORlO
conclusively pRoven TO /;e FRU OF absol1ms.
In TIJ001as Ha11111s 's, 110101, sem111al
novel The Silence or r1Je La01&s. FBI Drnecro11
jack CRaWFORO Reai111os Special Ac;e111 Cl.n111ce
SraRl111c; r1JaT "Re01e01beR, SraRl111c;1 when you
assuOJe, you 01ake an tlSS OF /{ ano OJe."
S1ai1la11ly, 1v1Je11 one Reaos e01Fy111c;
p1M1canons1 one assu01es rhar rhey will nor
/Jal'e SelF· anO co11su01e11-0e111c;11a1111c; nrles .
Men afflicted with Bladd .
Trouble, Getting Up Nigh
P ains in Back, Hip s, Le'
Nervousness, Di z z in e_
s
Physical In a bility a nd Ge _
era! Impotency send fo~ o ~
amazing ~REE BOOK thl
tells how you may corre ct th es e con
ti ~ms and have new health and ZesC
Life .. Write today: No Obligation.
·,
Excelsior Institute, Dept. B-5, Excelsior Sprincs, ..
IN 11 LANDS ••• THC #UT IH THE HOCISE
..!
1 J1?'/lr
l'tlt:a~z
,,r,/~t/
6Yrlli:'SO!D
• O <PrOO'
-
. I MP ORT ED
WHIS KY
MADE
BY
HIRAM
WALKER
TTL( fRO M CANADA BY H AM WALKER IMPORTERS IMC , DETROIT , MICH . BLENDED CANADIAN
IR
NOW
COMMERCIAL
ART
PARTNER
" \V as ar t is t for engravi n g
firm: n ow I' m i n a commcrc inl art partnership; I
t e n ch a rt in my spare t ime.
You r co ur se wor t h mo r e to
m,.. py r·rv ,. ,....,,.. ·• 'Th ,...,.,.....,c. n
WHIS .~ Y
Nothing new about this, when you ;onsider that even
in 1905, when Albe,t Einstein stane:l. the neutrons
flying with his greaiequation, Lukens had been
m akin q steel :nJi>tP for 80 years!
�refrain. I l o v e you
girl. Won't you be my
as
baby.
lots
I saw Pophead
' In some ways she i s
But this n ew stuff
~ to surmion:
tonight on a whim
perfect pop i con.
thriv es on
down at Barrister's.•
h as a .reputati o n
marginality. Sugar
,a ce to leave a town,
I didn ' t know they
r preferring the
makes it an art.
supposed to be.
;rP.' I
were playing. The
ixing room to the
Forget the a udi e nce .
experience was just
stage, I read in
Yo u're not writing
so unexpectedly ric
Spin. She burns 'em
for mass con s umpti o n
up, tho ugh in a club
even though the musi c
I know and respect
the drummer and
in New York. She
is made for it.
player from othe ~
probably wouldn't
Somewhere a l o ng the
bands. I was i
want the crown.
line ~appen s the
cool place t
isten
Pophead wants it.
._. equivalent of "art
,u.
_ _.__,, _ --...,._
to 1 i ve m
c. Tt r.. ,.J...
They' v e got it'. too .
~ for art 's s ake. "
pJ4~
rt'
sing th
allad
rv-'.ta t '
~ •
You, re doing the
~/ · ·11~ ma in fox-corduroy
ck Hero . Pop]]
B
STYLE. The STYLE, the
clay combs-polyester
about a friend
~. ex~ernals b~,c ome the ~ C, schafer-alpaca
who had a motorcycle
P11.rk~''.'_·/ ~e
BOlJ.g?
~~ · ~ dipak gHosh-mohair
wreck once because he
a.lJd L · •
"'~I~ rOSs gohlke-spandex
Pop head is not. . .1. Z
P'}] .
r>f d ylan dryeRw/LJITE LINEN
was trying to mix a
over-the-counter zit.
Q.]_ ,._
·w•'
martini while riding.
""
-1..
J. ay S t ova II -card"
~
medi c ine . Or targeted \
eco ,._d
1gan
Back to Kerouac.
H
_~
-1..
The band rocked.
~ at pimply preteens - ~--- <l.J
pop as in pop music
focus. Yo u move aw~~
The king of pop with
~
which stands for
from t he hand that
an ornate tarnished
r::t::
popular music . But
bought the STYLE, or
crown. They covered
the h a n d moves away
pop music has
Fuck and Run by Liz
fr om y o u .
migrated away from
Phair, my favorite
And you still sit
hit radio to
song on Exile in
in your room late at
scattered outposts of
Guyville , so they
night looking for the
creative artists and
automatically get a
perfe c t pop song with
rl
independent labels.
thumbs up in this
N
your three chords on
Exile in Guyville is
book. Pavement write
your r ed guitar. The
H
on Matador. Never
a good pop song too,
<l.J
audien ce wants your
heard of it. Pop: so
but Liz Phair does
attenti o n. A true
much ironic integrity
not pity her poor
<l.J
pophead knows better
- short and sweet and
.j..J
postmodern self. She
than t o lose sight of
simple.
Pi
loves to be on top,
<l.J
the aud i e nce, that's
Instrumentally basic
Cf)
to "get all wet
what this rock'n'r o ll
guitar bass drums.
between [her] legs"
'd ~ Pophead is a trio,
thing i s a ll abo ut.
,r·.._'"\
but then there's the
But l oya lties run
<l.J 0 another automatic
-:~_~.. ~~~~
vulnerable side - she ~
deeper than mer e
takes your word for
A LIVE MUSIC REVIE
it that she's not
~ )PENING SE~ OP WHI~HBASED ON A 40-MINUTE
worth talking to when <l.J ' thumbs up r
.
. I MI SSED 10 MINUTES.
~' ' b
·
ronic
you're out on the
w
ecause th k '
.
po
.
e
ind of lcrowd-pleasing. Love
road in the middle of Cf)
P music p h
.
.
. . .,
.,, ·-.. - . , plays used ~~ ead
that tension·
Celebrate the
/- ~,-~;/~~Q i:,t- 1 .~c . .
be the
~~ miserable paradox.
- "·
,,:f;; ~ . .
LI Z PHAIR - FRCM EXILE IN G
UYVI LLE
~
Fun and play become
I t a ke a~vantage o f every gu~ I m
eet. I get away with what the gir ls cci ll
serious business.
what the gir ls cal l what the g i r l s ca ll t he gi rl s ca ll m
urder (Girls ! Gi r l s !
Excellent
Girl s ! ) (not grrr l s ! ! grr r ls ! ! grrrl s ! ! J
musicianship i
not
based on how fast you
Wha t ever happened to a boyfriend , the kind o f guy who ' d try to win y ou over ,
move your fingers on
. what eve r happened to a boyfri e nd , the kind of guy who ma kes love ' cause he ' s i11
the fret board or
whether you can write
~'?"~· ~
·
it ? (Fuck a nd Run)
/~ / :~
~"" ,,,,.
;/ ~
in a minor key. To
"~
~~
was made of. The
<V
Beac.tes scarcea ic,
4
know what you're
a love spat (The
~
Z1 • R.E.M. knew . nothing
doing and why you're •
,;
.c:
th .
Divorce Song). She's,~
else early in
eir
doing it, that's the ~
·
bi f."'
career. Follow the
J ust full of vital
(fJ A .l
.
key. Pophead knows c ontradictions .
..Miiiii,.
(fJ ...;;.;.;
f o rmula. Verse
the ballad of the
iiii r P f r ~ in v erse
.
rday
I
gust 20
(~
Pun~
bar
~~~
ea.d 1 . Pop
a.
~
.r
0
ed
{g
m
§4
1
1
--
r:
24'Qii'
ob
E
~·
·''~ ·~
· 1<1
"-'<~
~~
�
Dublin Core
The Dublin Core metadata element set is common to all Omeka records, including items, files, and collections. For more information see, http://dublincore.org/documents/dces/.
Type
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Newspaper
Title
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The Rat's Ass, September, 1994, Volume 03, Issue 02
Subject
The topic of the resource
Newspaper, Publications, Satires, Zines, Fall 1994
Description
An account of the resource
This issue of The Rat's ass dates from September, 1994. This issue of The Rat's Ass focused on God and the growth of us as individuals. The front page has Chuck Meiman trying to get closer with his Lord. The front page also has a comic of a man saying "Loneliness is a sign of weakness." The next article is Dipak Ghosh giving his insight on Senior Photographs. Dylan Dryer brings up luck with "The Eight Ball." The final page has an article about "What's a pop song?" Written by Ross Gohlke.
Creator
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Chuck Meiman, Dipak Ghosh, Dylan Dryer, Jay Stovall, Ross Gohlke
Source
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Dlynx
Publisher
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Memphis, Tenn. : Rhodes College Archives and Special Collections
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Rhodes College owns the rights to the archival digital objects in this collection. Objects are made available for educational use only and may not be used for any non-educational or commercial purpose. Approved educational uses include private research and scholarship, teaching, and student projects. For additional information please contact archives@rhodes.edu. Fees may apply.
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PDF
The Rat's Ass
-
http://archives.rhodes.edu/files/original/9f407c8ea4ff4cdb2059a7b2608d1280.pdf
9adfa75429b94395a6b25ae2d50d488c
PDF Text
Text
~~~ LAUGH ~~URSELF?
"Predestined to bring you sub-par news reporting"
NOW A
MOTEL M:,::::.
:
I
.
!
tor
J'raduat-
1nu from
Lowi1 ,
I
~..!~'!';er
of
th ia
wonder·
f ul
Hotel. " -it.
M1.irph)' ,
Mo•
F.
. :~:·L HIOSTESS
el.COMES
Volume
If SHE
II
Issue
IX
Ho•te••
of this
leading
hotel
thanks to
Lewis . ''
-J . • .
Kwechle
October 29, 1993
st<AoKES,
Speci~Jh•v~~!?.~~~~~~n Issue''
• •
Clay's Column
by Clay
What Reformation means
to us,
or, What is the Baptist
Shrub?
I have fond memories of
the Halloween time of year,
but not because of that
particular holiday. In fact, kids
at my home church were
strongly discouraged from
taking part in the pagan ritual.
(Oddly enough, no one balked
at the celebration of Christmas,
despite the fact it was the early
believers' way of putting a
Christian face on the Roman
festival of Saturnalia, which as
a lowercase noun comes down
to us as a rough synonym for
orgy; perhaps there were some
small business owners in the
church.)
My church offered for
children, in the stead of
Halloween, a Reformation Day
festival commemorating the
nailing of Martin Luther's 95
theses to the Wittenberg door
on October 31, 1517. Just
what we children wanted-a
thoughtful , reverent way to
·protest modern America's
descent into decadence and
downright un-Protestantism,
and for all that, probably
communism, too.
Times for celebration often
lead us to reflect upon the
things we are fortunate enough
celebrating. Thus with the of a world without Baptists?
present holiday, we pause here Mainly, it would be this: there
to ask: Exactly what does the would be no Bellevue.
Reformation mean to us, that Memphis would have lost a
is, what if the Reformation had venue much larger than Mud
never happened? The questions Island, a multimillion-dollar
beg the obvious answer: enterprise large enough to
Without the Reformation, we'd warrant its own off-ramp from
all be Catholic. But I see 1-40.
Save FedEx and
another, more striking truth: Graceland, Bellevue is the only
Without the Retormat1on, men;
thing keeping Memphis on the
would be no Baptists.
map.
'Not logically necessary,'
you protest. True, the absence
of Reformation does not
logically preclude the advent of
Baptists. But I submit the
Reformation's ethos of
opposition provided the fertile
ground in which the Baptist
shrub could flourish.
For what is the Baptist
shrub, if not an intricate
herbaceous system
of
interlocking branches of
opposition? Take as examples
the
oppositions
to
homosexuality and sexual
license, coarse language,
consumption of refreshing
alcoholic beverages, rock and
roll and other forms of the
devil's music, Democrats and
their evil abortion racket, the
ordination of female pastors, .~~~~~-~ilmillil
· d
A UNIQUE CHRISTMAS GIFT!
and CUltS (sic] Of all kin S, A lid cover of make belleve mi nk wlll
· l U Ing I Sl am, J U d a1sm , powd the room . touch rich ,elegance tornand"
·
add
fi nal
of
an y
InC
er
Th e
lustrous
•
d (
t made mi n k Is a deep, furr y pil e fa bric
M ormon1sm, an
mos of nylon a nd dyne!. · Was hes bea utifully
important) Catholicism.
· · da willranch mildew or shed. Ara lla bl e
· rk n ot brown or pla tinum grey
In
Clever ly gift packaged for
$
But these are abstractions, sh11irn ent ctirect 10 M ends.
. 498
Send ch eck or money order
ideological tangents with little .N9 c.o.n: s 1i1ea se.
·
postpaid
apparent impact on our own
TIMME CORPORATION
h
h t? _ B o x 1699 •Wilmington , N . C.
r- itv tn cl :-i v . Wh at s t e ups o .
·
·
1
So no Reformation means
no Baptists means no Bellevue
means no Memphis. Which
means no Rhodes. Just think
of it-without Rhodes, we'd all
be at Vandy. Or would we be
able to tell the difference?
{ , ea +-
nof:.t'
e
Trl1c{. ~_·'~ C ,\ro{ 1 1.
.
. , . D q (_ k_
-f\.
5 t-.'vi+ ,·. . .
--
-
-
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-r
'1
Martin Luther
'
�Treat or Trick?
by Julie Mciman
We're all familiar with the
idea of "trick-or-treating": one day
a year, we knock on our neighbors'
doors and demand candy. We also
give them the option of NOT
giving us candy, in which case we
wreak havoc on their happy homes,
their cars, or their unsuspecting
children. It's an amazingly
satisfying set-up when you're a kid,
because either way, you get what
you want; you get to choose
between candy or destroying
property ... and it's often difficult to
turn one of those options down.
I would like to reform the
idea of trick-or treating, for two
reasons: first, it's a bad message
for kids: Johnny learns that
violence is the next step to take if
his demands aren't met Second:
I'm too old to trick-or treat, and the
kids are the ones getting all the
candy.
I'm arguing for a fair
exchange of goods. If I give a kid
some candy, then I get to reach into
his or her bag and grab a handful in
return. If the kid doesn't have any
candy, then I get to hose him
down. (That's the "trick" part.)
Granted, it. doesn't teach Johnny
that violence is bad, but at least he
understands "an eye for an eye, a
tooth for a tooth," and all that
stuff. You give me candy, I give
you candy. You trick me, I trick
you.
Giving out candy at
Halloween is a little like paying
indulgences. Let's say you yelled
at a kid for walking through your
flower-bed, and you feel guilty; on
Halloween, you give him a double
scoop of candy, and automatically
you erase your overwhelming sense
of guilt.
However, under the new,
reformed idea of trick-or-treating,
there's no such thing as
indulgences. There's just plain
indulgence. You don't need lo
w
I
tall,,
· He1 ·
IS
•
.
sive\'f \c\\e:,,.
neighlS 1n )
lie 1rnpre>
!foe 10 n~"'busineSS lite
sociol on 1U1tAlO 1he
wilh S"f A
· h I in· .
origi_n"\,:o:~~so\d
10 ,
creosin9
t "' rnol<er .
you direcl ro
.
JOSE:P II< ShDwroorTlo
f actor')'
.
c~ll ~r
write 1~~9
E cATALOG
fRE
'{ 2-1313
M>.KE~ C
c
!-\ auRGE:R isl E. 142, N.'< . .
54
fl#
!tfW
~
~
comes with homefries and
toast. Not depending upon
. h
wh1c one I order,
I am
assured of eating a large
breakfast with everything
being made from scratch and
free refills on my coffee. All
of the breads and pastries
that are served are made at
the College Inn and range
from blueberry muffins to a
five grain bread. If you are
not into having a heavy
breakfast you can always
order fresh fruit, granola, a
pastry, or oatmeal. One can
walk out of Brother Juniper's
College Inn having devoured
probably the best breakfast in
//
/
I
I
1
f '.
Refrns~in~
, -Re!c1
xmg .
.;ENJOY
''Ke-fur~mV'\fSh s ·nu.e..
~(1..-tV\' l.-v~, LWiV\[j/i
b~
9",+ &i-V't+f
,· ~
./
1
/
'
/
/
/
/
/
/
/
/
/
/
Memphis and pay under $5. If
you like the coffee or bread
that you had for breakfast
you can buy a pound of coffee
beans and/or purchase'.,a loaf
of homemade bread or some
muffins to take home with
you. While one may have to
sacrifice a little sleep to get
this breakfast before going to
class, you will be so wired
from the great cups of coffee
that you won't even notice
the hours of sleep that you
missed. Needlhss to say that
even if you don't like
breakfast or getting up before
most warm blooded animals
do you need to give this place
a try, but if you do like
breakfast then you need to
make a pilgrimage over to
Brother Juniper's College Inn.
As a side note, the College Inn
will be opening its doors during
the evening and functioning as a
coffee house from MondayFrid ay( 6-12) serving
cappuccino, espresso, pastries
and the possibility of a limited
menu. So, if you need a good
place to drink some superb
coffee or you just want a cool
place to go and talk the College
Inn i~
thA nlRr.A
The Anatomy of, not in,
My Underwear, or How
Underwear Reflects the
Inner You
BAlllE CREEK ,
?t_~l§:/1
SlEAM
VAPOR
BATH
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Sitting on the toilet
hoping for a nice bowei
movement, I cannot help but
notice my boxer shorts. Navy
blue with a tube sock pattern. I suddenly realize that
besides my girlfriend and
maybe my roommates, no
one has ever seen me in my
tube sock boxers. Nor my
soccerball pattern, nor my
polka dots, nor any of the
plethora of plaids in the underwear collection. My mom
has seen them, the boxers,
because she purchased most
of them.
If these patterns are
cool enough to be inside my
pants, next to my body, then
why not on the outside? I
envision myself walking
down the street with navy
blue tube socked pants. Of
course, I laugh, slap my face,
and replace the image of tube
socks with a nice denim. Underwear patterns are just not
acceptable as trousers. People would stare. Therein lies
the problem. I want to wear
navy blue tube socked pants.
I also do not want people to
stare. Boxer shorts, then, allow for the sublimation of
this fanatical desire to wear
oddly patterned pants. I can
put on the boxers and feel a
little crazy.
I know this is true
because after my movement I
am suddenly envigored. Was
it the jostling of my bowels? I
don't think so. I truly believe
the sight of my boxers gave
me a boost. That's why everybody wears zany boxers,
for that extra boost, for that
"old time religion" feeling.
At this point I have
to make some disclaimers. As
a guy, I'm writing this article
as if I were a guy. And not
y 0 - Can Have a
u
HE-MAN VOICE
STRENGTHEN your ••ice thi1
tested, scientific wa~ . Yes-yoo
0
•
may now be able t.o impr_ ve the
o
~ 0 w ER of your 1pe&k1,n2 and
aing;ing; voice . .• in ~h~ pnvacy of
your room! Self·tram!DI' les?Ons,
mo1tly1ilent. No mu11c requ1red.
FREE BOOKLET
"'' ..
'Yrit.e ,todr~~tfb:.o~fe~~~H!!~;br,evelop a Succeslful Voice."
tJ~g;erba ~ tel FREE! You must state your a~e . Boold~t
~.i1:d •;o~tp:id plain sealed
will
bother you. Send your name an ag;e
in
c. ~-~
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+
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)
by Brian Dixon
!
"HOW
Every Tuesday morning my
alarm clock goes off. at
s: 4 sa.m. 1 then proceed ,in a
state of delirium, to stumble
to the bathroom and do the
necessary shit, shower, an~
shave routine. Although this ,
is a very horrific scene, '
Tuesday is a great day. Every
Tuesday for the past two
months I have gotten up in the
pre-dawn hours of the
morning and frequented my
favorite
place
to eat
breakfast, Brother Junipe.r's
College Inn. I usually arrive
some time after 6:30a.m. and
sit at my usual table in the
right corner. The same
waitress has always been
there every Tuesday since I
have been going to the College
Inn. She walks over and tells
me the coffee of the day and I
have a cup of it as usual. The
coffee beans are grown
organically and ground fresh
every morning, which makes
for a mean cup of joe. I order
either the breakfast special,
an omelette, or a #4 that
worry abour purging your guilt
bccau~ g!ving some kid a scoo~ of
candy isn l going to get you any
real forgiveness. (I'm talking
about salvation now.) You might
as well just reach back inro that
kid's bag and grab as much as you
can ...and indulge ... because
Hall~ween's not about Christianity
or saints or forgiveness. It's about
candy, and lots of it.
t-" Q__ , Luxurious -
dnveloK1GGT NoeWian
Prtftcl hie• l1stll1\1, J2S I . lat~Sll lld., Stadlt lM-51, tblCJfO &, Ill.
:Jc~ ~in gcfcbiiftl mil btr prr;
6o id> auff1ra9 brn ~irni~ rtP/
€5o &alb mn'n bicnr brn btngrl &ucfr/
~ i~ cin ~osn Pl'P9ro 9cbruift.
:Da bur~ tomk man etc ~un~ an taBf
:Dit mon lci~dicb btFommm mog.
Cl)or 1cifcn ~at man bic~tlcf?trsfcbn~n/
~" ~anQ bid\'un~ !l'41'b cr~Ucf> cnctiir.
just any guy. I'm writing as
if I were Brian Dixon. You
may not feel particularly
boisterous when you slip on a
pair of boxers. That's fine.
You may own some tube sock
pattern pants. That's great.
I'll stare at you when you :
pass, but that probably won't
bother you. You may be of
the opposite sex, and that
would be fine with me.
Anyway, back to un- ;
derwear. The same philoso- I
phy remotely applies to neckties and shirts, both of which
have been known to push the
limits of color theory and
taste. The difference here, of
course, is that neckties and
shirts are normally worn on
the exterior of a person. Perhaps, but this is only speculation, loopy ties and shirts are
for overly confident individuals. I would understand this
since many flamboyant people wear loopy, sometimes
brightly colored clothes.
They know that people will
stare. That's what they want.
I myself own many ties that
are a bit, shall we say, different. I'm not flamboyant, so
perhaps my theory is wrong.
Can you imagine, though, the
rush I get from wearing exuberant boxers and an equally
bozo tie? I'd compare it to
speaking in tongues or being
in a zone. Pretty cool, huh?
Thank you for being
patient. Next week we'll explore the anatomy in my underwear and how it fits in the
inner you.
•·
�Ten Most Underpublicized Grievances/ Theses
1. Last Rites should've had Colonel Bruce both nights
2. 'I Say we shall have no more marriages!'
3. Good Works unnecessary for salva!ion. You just
f gotta have faith-a, faith-a, faith.
4. Last album a little too ethereal.~
5. Nympho Nuns refuse to give up their habits.
6. Still can't believe the Cardinals lost to the Royals back
in the '83 series. Saberhagen is the devil.
7. Serving blush with the communion wafers? It should '
be a hearty Cabernet SavignonL
8. Two words: no sex.
9. Growing tired of the Papal Bull
10. Pope getting too liberal with damnations.
r
~ NOR;~y
~r,
7th Century
VIKIN~ SWORt>
i..L~·
Aulhrnlic in
Evur
btl• il
A COllECTOR"S ITEM m•dt ;,
N,,.,,
br uptrl cr•lhmtn, lo !ht tud tprc ilic. ·
liot11 of tht ori9in1I " Snultmo " 1wo1d
ihown 11 lht Unh·mily of 0110 Hvuum .
Solid b,.n hill wilh !ht .1ncirnl
dtcor•lioni
of !hr ori9in•I Vilmg Swo1d , wilh lint nidrl
tilvu bl•dt. Ovm11/ lr n9hl ninr •ndont·
~uultr inchu .
Uniqur conwrrHlion piru for homr 1nd
olfict. Pmllc.I p1pu lnilr lor dr1l , idul
ururlivr tilt ilrm . f"h sword is hind·
somrly gilt baud wilh .ccomp•nr ing boolltl
9i•in9 inlrrtdin9 ind infotm•l i"t .,chuo·
logiul dtl•ils of 01i9in1I sword . , . . S 5.00
W1ilr 101 rout Viling Sword tod., . Prompl
potlp•id delivtir. 8 d•rs 1tlu1n pri wilr9u .
Send chtcl or monrr 01dr1, No C001 plu1r.
NOR·WEGIAN SILVER CORP.
NORWAY HOUSE . O•pl. £. 10
290 H•di1on Awt . Nrw Yor l 11 , N.Y.
Ontological Ontology
With a Twist of Lime. or.
Memoirs of a MemoirThief. oart 2
by Martin Fox
strangely reminded of
the missing pages in
the books he had
checked out on Jack
Ruby, while trying to
avoid thinking about
himself as a composite
of cultural icons.
Distracted later
by thoughts of structure, s impact on
meaning, his searc~ for
a way to communicate
these
effeminate
shadows in poetic form
is forgotten. "Has our
emphasis
on
the
discovery of new
c on v en ti on s
been
gained at a loss of
meaningful content?"
h e
semi-consciously
writes on the board,
after failing to recall
the subject matter of
the prepdred lesson's
material.
Ap
unusually
precocious
student
attempts to gain favor
by remarking: "Perhaps
so -- but isn't the reader
also forced by such an
approach to connect the
incidents with his or
her own collection of
symbols and experiences
in effect
causing the story to be
written again each time
it is read?"
•in the room
You are sitting on your
The Rat's
Ass is
ancient couch reading a bit of Le.
assembled by a crack staff
Marte D'Arthur when you are
i of Rhodes students and/or
overcome by the sofa's
publish_ed
·n· gness to share its olfactory i friends,
Wl m
. ..
whenever the staff feel like Clay Combs
history . You respond by igmtmg
it, and distributed ~or mass Mike Augspurger
a small incense cone you rec.en~ly
rn the Charles Schafer
1 consumption
purchased at Walgreen's. W1thm
r domain of actual campus Pat Garrett
instants, a dizzying flurry ~f
publicatons, the Rat. Martin Fox
tumult and violence erupts mto
1
Obviously there are n_o Chris Brown
your tiny cubicle. When the dust
I restrictions on what ~s Ross Gohlke
clears, you are handcuffed; a. .
I published.
There ts Brian Dixon
detachment of collegiate qmsh?gs
I neither regard for, nor Julie Meiman
and uniformed enforcers is re~mg
1 claim of, truth, so don't
you your rights in unison, which
I get on usabout i~. ~eel
takes about two seconds. You f~el
\ free to send contr1but1ons
oppress ed . With rational chagrin,
Iand/or letters via campus
you realize you are.
.
imail to any one of the
*** If any of the preceding
\ poor souls listed here.
·os struck a major chord
I
see nan
h"
"th you then think about t is:
Wl
•
h"
you can change the way t mgs
I
are. M ass concerted action is the
\
way to go. This is our college,
\
let's take it back!
I
E ' t Q U E. ITE:
\
~--~
\
\
Indulgence Vendor
II Papa
Extreme Unction
Knight Templar
Damned to Hell
Arminian
Reprobate
90 Weight Feces
Spanish lnquisitrix
' r
�
Dublin Core
The Dublin Core metadata element set is common to all Omeka records, including items, files, and collections. For more information see, http://dublincore.org/documents/dces/.
Type
The nature or genre of the resource
Newspaper
Title
A name given to the resource
The Rat's Ass, Volume, October 29, 1993, Volume 02, Issue 09
Subject
The topic of the resource
Newspaper, Publications, Satires, Zines, 1993 Fall
Description
An account of the resource
This issue of The Rat's ass dates from October 29, 1993. After the sparse offerings of the previous issue, a return to form can be seen here. The headline reads "Special Reformation Issue!!" Clay Combs comments on Halloween and the Baptist Church, and Julie Meiman follows with a piece on trick-or-treating. Brian Dixon ponders underwear patterns, Chris Brown reviews Brother Juniper's College Inn, and Charles Schafer gives a call to action. Martin Fox closes the issue.
Creator
An entity primarily responsible for making the resource
Clay Combs, Julie Meiman, Chris Brown, Brian Dixon, Charles Schafer, Martin Fox, Mike Augspurger, Ross Gohlke
Publisher
An entity responsible for making the resource available
Memphis, Tenn. : Rhodes College Archives and Special Collections
Rights
Information about rights held in and over the resource
Rhodes College owns the rights to the archival digital objects in this collection. Objects are made available for educational use only and may not be used for any non-educational or commercial purpose. Approved educational uses include private research and scholarship, teaching, and student projects. For additional information please contact archives@rhodes.edu. Fees may apply.
Format
The file format, physical medium, or dimensions of the resource
PDF
The Rat's Ass
-
http://archives.rhodes.edu/files/original/d73457246485e262144e7da87755eb2e.pdf
4a8aa550fdb72e5d9039b202e3ad0785
PDF Text
Text
.-
s
•·
.
The Gravity Well
;or --
by stay jov iall
"The problems define him. That is, they put him into
words and explain him. And explanation is a funny thing:
Darwin and the Bible both explain a lot. But this isn't about
God. Or Darwin. It is about the problems, which define
him. It is not that he wrestles with them, angst-ridden and
Byron-like, but that they breathe him into being, with voice;
breath, word, whisper, inflection, tone and timbre ... all
from the lips of the problems. And so his definition is not
written, but spoken, not static, but dynamic and transient: in
considering the logos constituitive of his being, one must
remember that he is the object of this genetive construction ..
.that the definition is not of him, but he is of the definition.
The definition yielded by his problems contains only a
few words, the most significant of which have lengthy
etymologies and are derived from a sidereal language of love
and hate.
The problems which define him also explain him.
Hence the problems think that they have a way to control
him, for with successful theoretical explanation comes the
possibility of prediction, and hence control. He would want
to argue that counterfactuals of freedom lack operative
conceptual validity, and hence their control over him is at best
inductive and at worst illusory. His problems would sit back
and smile at that: "See, you've just proved our point."
What do you think of that, Dr. Joy?" He paused , and
there was a silence in Dr. Joy's office like an airplane taking
off. The pencil Dr. Joy had been turning in his fingers as his
patient spoke crashed to the desk, and his old leather boot
face remained expressionless.
"Zat is a very interesting story." Only a slight vestige
of Bavarian accent, extremely articulate. "Perhaps you have
had flashes of insight, lately or. .. zomething else?"
I paused and lit a cigarette. You looked over the table
at me, the waiter hovered in the background. I watched him
over your shoulder. You thought I was staring at you to
make you uncomfortable. You do feel vague! y
uncomfortable.
You bite your lip for a moment. "What was Dr. Joy
talking about? Are you going to tell me what happened after
that?"
I exhale smoke in your face. "No."
6reafJBst
WITH A HEALTHY
P.5.
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Prepared and distributed by lh•
makers of Mott's apple juice, o pp l" un1r(!
cider, vinegar, and jell i.:•
'
�Ode lo My Eighi O'Ciodt
( iL· 1 1 111 L<1gc11w1111
iviany µoets and bee; ads
Glorify sunrises ior their awe,
;na1esty
But I
Don't like sunrises
Because they are
Too early.
i
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It
"Those who find themselves ridiculous:
Sit down next to me."
Xaft Minor :: Bently (t11e jeffersons)
Jhey Witherfunk : : Jimmy Washington (WBKotter)
Stay Jovial! :: Alex Keaton (family ties)
Gerritt Lagemann :: Jack ritter (3's company)
Dave Sears :: Arnold Drurrimonci (diff'rent strokes)
Mission Statement
THE RAT ' S Ass
IM
1s A PUNCTUATED
EQUILIBRIUM KALIBRATIO~~
INSTRUME~H
DROPPED AMONG THE GEARS AND COGS
OF TEMPORAL METAPHORS ABOUT THE
ETYMOLOGY OF THE EVOLUTION OF THE
ETERNAL
NOW:
AS SUCH IT IS PRODUCED
BY RHODES STUDENTS WHO ARE REPRESENTING NO OPINIONS BUT THEIR OWN.
IF YOU HAVE A PROBLEM WITH AN
ARTICLE, TAKE IT UP WITH ITS AUTHOR.
AND REMEMBER, AS PYNCHON POINTS OUT,
ONE MAY NEVER GET TO TOUCH THE MASTER,
BUT ONE MAY TICKLE HIS CREATURES.
They streak the sky with odd smudges ' b , i:l ·
and rose, but pour he bails of shalt~r , g
white light upon 1ny head.
Out! Out! Damned ligf-it!
~
Foul and ugly, like the chance mi11i~t~r
rainbow from a piece of crystal ;,
Ejected and stapled to my creme-coforei
concrete walls.
Too small! Too yellow! Too insignific
In my mornings of chronic tiredness, jt :· ·
1 1
eyes and smooth inky newsprintr
1
~ ,
You are much too feeble to crack r~y ~r . , 1 ,p'b
bleakness and bring my daily dose qt · !
q
Sunsets, however , are truly the
l1alo .
Brilliant , rich ubiquitous hues
across my evening sky
.
Reflecting its striking salmon pinks , ~~: ,
blue hues and cries off the milky,., Cl9
Truly life's most graceful film.
Lacking in action, perhaps,
nonetheless.
If I am bored with sunsets,
bored with lite.
· i;
the original performance
'ioo.o ' •'
!"
LOOKS LIKE
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trou '<'!'. " · 11!1;.ims ca nn ot find a house for his fami l . An I
ie gm·n11mC'11t look ~60 in taxes out of his S1G1l pay ~jlCl'k.
1~3-
5) pinching
6) 666666
7) Numerology
8) Daughdrill
9) Libby
10) Brouhaha
11) God
12) riots
13) ducats
14) fat
15) booty
16) spacestation
17) women's goat room
18) tomorrow
19) operation
20) flame
21) dineophile
22) squirrels
23) coffee
24) cover-up
25) rubbing-out
26) \Wishing-up
27) passing-through
28) 28
29) tree-labels
fly-fishing
sophistry
inversions
<ldministralion
34) iists
42) Rat's Ass
30)
31)
32)
33)
.. ---·. - ·
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·1) You
2) Rhodes
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�
Dublin Core
The Dublin Core metadata element set is common to all Omeka records, including items, files, and collections. For more information see, http://dublincore.org/documents/dces/.
Type
The nature or genre of the resource
Newspaper
Title
A name given to the resource
The The Rat's Ass, January 19, 1996, Volume 04, Issue 16
Subject
The topic of the resource
Newspapers, Publication, Satires, Zines, 1996 Winter
Description
An account of the resource
This issue of The Rat's ass dates from January 19, 1996. The front page has Stay Joviall talking about the "Gravity Well." Jhay Witherspoon gives some needed advice while Gerrit Lagemann tells us about his Eight O'clock. On the last page Xaft Minor lists off things to object to.
Creator
An entity primarily responsible for making the resource
Stay Joviall, Jhay Witherspoon, Gerritt Lagemann, Sears Dave, Xaft Minor
Publisher
An entity responsible for making the resource available
Memphis, Tenn. : Rhodes College Archives and Special Collections
Rights
Information about rights held in and over the resource
Rhodes College owns the rights to the archival digital objects in this collection. Objects are made available for educational use only and may not be used for any non-educational or commercial purpose. Approved educational uses include private research and scholarship, teaching, and student projects. For additional information please contact archives@rhodes.edu. Fees may apply.
Format
The file format, physical medium, or dimensions of the resource
PDF
The Rat's Ass