2
25
37
-
http://archives.rhodes.edu/files/original/3aa0d42bb5647b3d9dbed0d9c4fc27fa.pdf
3baf48faedee99f106fac974b240e8ab
PDF Text
Text
.- ~ Friday 3 September 1993
Volume 2 Number 2
~~
I
Am
Not
your .- friends for
will
your college career, and
they're all in one Greek
organization,
and you
can't wait to learn the
secret handshake, I can't
ask you to do anything
but pledge .
But if y ou
can, t mak e up your mind
between t he Kappa Sigs
and ATO, or if you want
to pledge be c au s e
ir
wo uld ma k e Dael pr o ud 0 1
y o ur
fri e nd s b r.tc l<. h o 1n 0·
jealous, o r if you ju s t
haven't met anyone in
-oe weeks and need t o
Greek
Bashing!
We ll, maybe a li tt le
by Mike Augspurger
My Dad went to a
small liberal arts school
called Wabash, a shining
spot of learning in rural
Indiana . "The Har vard of
the We st, • the hundred
and fifty year - old sch ool
Dad loved
calls itself.
Still goes back
Wabash .
every year .
And when h e
returns,
the place he
goes back to is the FIJI
hou se.
When I arrived on
-Rhodes campus my first
year, I knew I was go i ng
to be in a frate rnity.
That was what college was
all about, as far as I
knew.
Living together
with
the
same
guys,
hanging out and shooting
h oops and th rowing the
frisbee, or having a beer
on a Saturday afternoon.
A
guy
co uld
mak e
. friendships that wo uld
last forever.
Three weeks into
school, I dropped out of
The quest i on of
rush.
which fraternity I wanted
to
join
had
become
outdated; I didn't want a
part o f any of them .
Somewhere in those three
weeks I recognized that
for me the whole system
didn't
make
sense.·
Talk i ng with
friends,
from people who hadn't
to
new
even
rushed
familiar
pledges,
a
sentiment
was,
"My
decision was the best for
me, I think, but I wish
the choice hadn't been
there.•
By Bid Day, I
was fairly certain that
Imagine ...
TT.r
_.h.,,ck
n£Ut,u
B
fee l a pact of something,
I u c ge you to reconsidec.
The Gceek system
is not ev i l .
It .i s ,
unnecessary,
howevec,
l~
e xpensive , stcessful, and
y iso T~g~- -.·an..,,,!_~;--=--,,,_...__,......,.,..,,..,~~~:~~\t. Rhodes
_1 . 1. .......
.
~
can d o
LETTER TO UNEDITOR
8
year
student:
1)
Go
Greek, and in many ways
lock yourself
into a
sing l e socia l scene, or
2) Stay independent, and
lock yourself out of a
soc ial scene.
Unfortunately,
I
can hardly suggest that
the
Greek
system
at
Rhodes be abo li shed.
It
n ot
just simply will
am
happen .
What
I
suggesting , though,
is
this:
if you are a
first-year student and
you don't want to make a
choice, stay independent.
Let the system die from
lack of i nterest, or at
least
shrink
considerably, so future
classes won ' t have to
worry about i t. over the
last three years, . I have.
seen the "locked out•
In your recent artic
Mr. Combs, entitled "c
Somebody Fart" you co
to the conclusion that ti
city council in Col \
County, GA is guilty ,
breaking civil righ ·
laws, "disfranchisin c
homosexuals,and stifl i;
dissenting opinions. As
read your article a t
finished my Rat burg
one day at lunch, my mir
wandered back to my
hour Logic class and t i
format of cogent
arguement. Conclusio r
and assertions were fou n·
in a plethora,
bu
premises and facts we 1
co r'\ h.f\U e.. d
.J
l'/C.
f"Y>..f ""
f".
SO'- I
'Z..
�not to be found in your
article. Questions like
this were asked:
--"Is anyone concerned
about the legal rights of
the few?"
--"Is it now illegal to
dissent in America ?"
. --"Is
thinking
for
' yourself tantamount to
forfeiture of
civil
ti . privileges ?"
Vintage Rhodes:
Reflections of an Academic
Degenerate
blaming them on the highpowered air-conditioner and
shocking
myself at the
realization that for the first
By: Graham YAHWEH Robertson
time since I left my friends and
Interstate 40 West still
1
The questions you should
have answered- but
didn·' :t- are these:
d11 llwnh. 01 100'6i _.,,n c•tl•ri
c1l1< c-blri11l1ri1 11
--What civil rights laws
H .95 . Trunh
were broken ?
--How
Burning Down the House
was
anyone
by Julie Meiman
stopped from dissenting ?
--How was any form of
I would hate to see this \
free thinking stifled ?
fine institution burn. to the ,
sec ///fl. c/l 'en L/?5+~/i JN
ground; I have no desire to call a ! .
7 ', t < ''
_
__
/7"'l f'T. 'a
MALOLO (r) LICHT BRIGADE 1t&IJ:r11nl1I 1trlp1 jacket wilh 8rltl1h 1cctntu
coUu 1nd WWtr ·1i11 p1d.1I. SIMll l11H 1Mit11111. n.-11 wllh 11ilortd rro1 1
h1
1old/red ,
t rtr / 11,.n . J1ek1I
$4 .95 .
t
charred wasteland my alma mater.
Likewise, it would be a pity if the
Vatican were engulfed in flames.
(They've got plenty of candles-it could conceivably happen.)
The parallels between Rhodes
College and the Vatican are
striking: namely, they are both
run by stodgy white men who
enjoy dictating policy from on
high. · (As a side note: I have
nothing against stodgy white
men, really ... jusl the two to
whom I am referring in this
article--His Holiness the Pope
and His Holiness Dig Daddy
Jim.)
A new residence hall
policy, enacted at the beginning
o
o f "this schci" l year , states :
"Candles, incense, or any other
open flame device are not
permitted in residence hall
rooms" (R.C. Student Handbook,
p.26).
As a member of the
Catholic Church, and , therefore,
a spokesperson for the Pope and
the Church in its entirety, I must
state that we are highly offended
by this policy and its higher
implications. Although initially
enacted as some flimsy means of
preventing fires, it is clearly a
direct attack on the Catholic
C hurch by the governing
Protestant institution of this
school.
Rhodes is supposedly
"committed to the position that
the students should formulate
their own person al philosophy
in dialogue with a Christian
perspective on these issues in an
ll mosphere whi ch encoura ges
·
P
5
turns into Sam Cooper Blvd.,
protecting all those nifty little
creatures from far off places
kept in cages: Rhodes .. . .. . and
the ZOO of course . My
cynicism is on guard, in rare
form and two gears higher than
the overdrive in my new Honda
__ just one of the products of
my year-long hiatus from the
ivory towered walls I loved so
well. I turn the comer and find
myself alone on the divided
highway at 2 :00 AM, Atlanta
time. 1 know 1 won't be able
to fight the emotions much
longer. As 1 zoom under
Graham St. Exit the nostalgia
engulfs me. I hold back tears,
foes in Memphis I, the
consummate bastard, am giddy.
My first hours back on
campus are spent in close
company with a dear friend.
.
Sitting together in White Hall
we're alone with our thoughts,
cigarettes, religion and each
other.
I never knew how
lonely I was until I had a little
company.
As I stumble around
campus for the next few days
tracking down my ancient
syllabi for my alleged transfer I
am bombarded by hugs, kisses
and handshakes from friends I'd
left behind. My unwarranted
tenacity and fear from being
away for so long falls by the
wayside as I am suddenly back
~f~r~e~ed70~1~n~~o~f~:t~h=o~u:g:h:t-a~n~d::-"'__,~~~~~;o:e~b=>;_,,,,.,._:1_;;..~=-~•m;;:===-=--...,,~-o;=-·.-~~';::;::::::~~~:::=i.....-...__
··
. .
expression for all " (Rhodes
Catalog). Well. I'm feeling
disencouraged. I think the Pope
has some rule that says (I'm
paraphrasing) "Prayers will be
answered promptly and , most
efficiently if candles are lit and
the person offering the prayer is
gagging on incense ." . The man
has spoken--we Catholics have a
lot of rules, , and we fo.llow them
"" YES, THA-r '5 HE'~ HeR£
-rl'fE 1>&$K. I l> L1KE
o A?Pa..y f'~ -n..: 5•1>Etr:: IC:( fO~r-TIC»J You
°"'
A~l~liD.
...........
I
whether they make sense or not.
As far as I know, the
Protestants do not have any sort
of rules concernin1( operi flames
(this doesn't include hell, of
course); thu-s, the average
Presbyterian, Lutheran, etc . isn't
affected by this new policy.
I think the Pope would
agree that this policy is
discriminatory and harmful to the
future of the Church. I think it's
also noteworthy that the Vatican
has been lighting candles and
incense since the beginning of
time (or thereabouts), and it
hasn't had any major fires that I
know of. The Pope--again, with
me as his spokesperson-recognizes this attack and
challenges Mr. Daughdrill--or
should I call him Martin Luther?-to a fight in the amphitheatre at
3:00
tomorrow . . . Catholics
versus Protestants, just like the
old days. In the spirit Christian
love, the Pope sends his words of
eternal wisdom : " Hey. You
started it."
in the •groove.•
All the friends I Jove and
missed are around me once
again. I am hearing all the
same complaints I once carried
on my back: difficult classes,
mega-stress, student poverty, a
dubious
administration
operating with more secrecy
than the Gestapo -- allowing
rumors to persist because
they're too coward! y to give the
students the truth, the drudgery,
and the futility of all things
under the sun. But now, here,
tonight, on the eve of my
second departure the giddiness
returns. I finally realize what
the mysterious power is that I
miss so much about Rhodes:
the friends. That was and is
my solace, my salvation. The
small pieces of me that I see
reflected in those I was closest
to.
The communitas, the
conversations I no longer can
afford because of work
schedules, "doing lunch,"
making rent, and"paying off the
mountain of . school loans I
unknowingly accrued. This is
what ·l've sacrificed, what I've
lost.
If you haven't made
friendships of this caliber or
you have but are taking them
for granted stop and realize how
special your time at Rhodes
really is.
Everyone: I love you, you're '.
not forgotten just dearly
missed. Thanks.
. FOR
LI-FE
OR
LONGER. .. GMR
p(}ft:\ '"'th "i
51R.
y~
~tl>EPISU IS UEt(E
••• LOOIC.S LIKE
ESCARQOT M4A1,\i !
E'~ .... No. sra~KICK.
I
StfOVL.O Col1i
SACK
AFTER L.1,1tJC+f.
~~i~~~~~~2~~~?tf~
'
~~
'45"/.fir
The R.A. (I was
informed at press time that the
name The Rat's Ass is the
intellectual property of issue
one and cannot be used in
issue two) triumphantly
returned from a summer hiatus
last week with its Exclusive
Back to School Issue, once
again displaying that the
writers, even during the first
week of school, have nothing
better to do. After reading the
issue, I took a moment to
reflect and offer this critique.
Immediately apparent
is the paper's use of blatantly
sexist clip art. Culled from an
ad in a mid-sixties Esquire, the
snippet supports the notion
that less weight is more, that
to catch the eye of the steely
hunk the woman should have a
nice figure. However, the
paper's attempt at mere
montage should not be viewed
as
approval of the sexist
ideo!'ogy advanced by the ad.
Rather, it serves as a reminder
that .now hopefully obsolete
'
attitudes (but who are we
kidding?) were once rampant in
our" culture. The editors are
obviously appealing to the old
adage that history forgotten is
doomed to repeat. With this is
mind, look for The Rat's Ass
"Piece of Cheese" centerfold in
future issues honoring the
1940's calender artist, Vargas.
In another
controversial move, the paper
allows the use of the word
an
--........, ...
Dr em el
The Rat's
Ass is
assembled by a crack staff
of Rhodes students and/or
friends,
published
whenever the staff feel like
it, and distributed for mass
consumption in the
domain of actual campus
publicatons, the Rat.
Obviously there are no
restrictions on what is
published.
There is
neither regard for, nor
claim of, truth, so don't
get on usabout it. Feel
free to send contributions
and/or letters via campus
mail to any one of the
poor souls listed here.
"fart" in C. Combs article
"Did Somebody Fart?"
Bringing to light a current
snafu in art legislation,
Combs uses the "f' word to
describe the odious actions of
the Cobb County, Georgia
government. When asked to
defend his verbal bravado,
Combs pointed out that fart
pronounced backwards is traf,
which rhymes with the name
of tennis star Stephie Graf. Of
course, the Cobb County
commissioners play tennis.
The implications, according to
the stunned editors, were too
great for a substitute phrase
such as "blow an air biscuit"
or the textbook "flatulate" to
be used.
The olfactory debate
waf~ its way to the back page
in C. Schaeffer's untitled
article supporting his right to
a natural, albeit repugnant,
body odor. A close read
reveals that Schaeffer is
actually forming a relationship
between his smelly persona
and the paper itself.
Schaeffer's demand that variant
hygienes be accepted sans
criticism from the showering
public is analogous to the
paper's desire to exist on
campus in its makeshift, some
may call it smelly, form.
Schaeffer's article, along with
Give
the repeated cut and paste logo,
forms an adroit conclusion to
~the issue.
electric
shoe polisher
Wonderful to Own. ·. . Exciting to
,P
,J.
The local theater was not '
stopped from showing the
plays nor were people
banned from attending the
play if they so chose to do
so. The only action that
took place was that
government funding was
no longer allocated to the
arts. Without answering
the questions above and
providing any facts for
your assertions, one must
come to the conclusion
that your arguement is
one big FART! Now, 'fess
up.
-- Chris Brown
Whispers of
Superficiality: A review
of last week's issue
by Brian Dixon
•
© ,
cd
r:J')
·-
Lava'• Laap of Illuaination
(Ode to Bsae)
Blue-green lava falls and swells in a primal rhythm
Like bare emotions
· Unearthed by honest digging.
A light fran within forms impressionsShadows of life and deathAn affirmation of the natural order.
A synthetic nature of blue bubble-blobs
Bearing the essence of soul-made philosophieaEons of questions without answers.
It pulses with a separate energy
And tranquility.
Reason is a treatise with realityImagination is the child of ~
Wiadan is the on,l y tranagreHionKnowledge is a f~ress of glass.
Burp.
Belch.
The wind is broken.
And illumination passes from me
With the aftermath of that chili dog
From Burney'& Burger Barn.
�TELEVISION AS A MOTIF OF
CULTURAL CORROSION (or,
why I like Roger Waters'
"Amused To Death")
by Ross Gohlke
The
first
impression
startled me like a pick-axe
to the head (did I say
startled?). I was lying on
the floor, half-asleep and
tuned out to the CD player.
Then suddenly- CHOP CHOP
- the piercing rhythm of an
axe splitting wood; I'd
already slept through the
nuclear explosion which
nearly gave my dozing
roommate a heart attack.
rock band, this time he
needs to stand on his own
two feet, and I need a
justification for not talking
about Pink Floyd.
But
Waters doesn't just stand
up. He looks you straight in
the eye, and sometimes
even gets close enough to
spit in it. Or hit you over
the head with a pick-axe.
Catcher In the Rye or
maybe Naked Lunch (the
movie).
Yet to call it
simply music is misleading.
"Amused to Death" is more
recorded performance art.
Sound effects litter the
entire album, bleeding some
songs
together
and
completely altering the
moods of others. There are
narratives also, and it
Perhaps the key to the
success of "Amused to
Death" is this balance of so
many different things, in
the curious juxtaposition of
delicacy and bloodletting,
the engagement of various
senses, the range of topics
addressed- everything
from the "Melrose Kids" to
"What God Wants" to
Tiananmen
Square in
"Watching TV"- "She's the
one in fifty million I Who
can help us to be free I
Because she died on TV."
You cannot simply listen to
this album; you must
experience it. Consid,e r it
an intense alternative to
watching
"Roseanne"
reruns some night; or
every night.
My first exposure to Roger
Waters'
latest effort
"Amused To Death" had
nothing to do with music,
which says a lot about why
this release has not
. received mountains of
attention from the music
press, although its been on
the market since 1992.
The second listening, in the
same dimly lit room with
the same crappy CD player
(apologies
to
my
roommate), this time with
both ears wide open, gave
me a clearer sense of what
this album is about, what a
mammoth
and
gutsy
undertaking it was, and just
how refreshing it is. The
sheer magnitude of Mr.
Waters' ambition alone is
admirable.
But it just so
happens that he's created a
work 01' art, which i1' not
entirely
flawless,
is
nonetheless a little gem
worthy of a listen. Well,
you really have to hear it
more than once. And you
ought to be awakealthough I have to admit it
was a pretty cool way to
wake up.
And don't try comparing
this stuff to Pink Floyd.
Although there's plenty 01'
that psychedelic influence
that made Waters famous
as a founding member of
' England's premier 70's art
quality of sound on each
track.
Even with my
roommates'
cheesy
jambox, I jumped up to
answer the phone at one
point. It just kept ringing.
By the same token, Waters
takes his music seriously,
enlisting the help of such
notables as Jeff Beck and
Don Henley to create a
dark, dirty and blue music
with integrity.
Whatever the term "college
music" has come to mean
these days really has little
to do with being in college;
and I doubt that "Amused To
Death" will ever make it to
the College Hit List- or any
hit list for that matter. Yet
Waters has produced
something that sounds more
like what should be blasting
from dorm room stereos
than any imitation grunge
sound
or
Let's-CallOurselves-Crotch rocketMam a band.
It's the
musical equivalent of, say,
wouldn't be stretching it to
call Waters' strained vocals
more
narration
than
singing. Many of the lyrics
are simply poetry painted
onto a canvas of sounds- or
perhaps it's sounds painted
onto a canvas of words?.
Regardless of how you see
it, there is no denying the
strong visual imagery
rnni11rPrl hv thP r.hnir.P ~nd
As is the case anytime
someone points the finger,
especially at well-dressed
people sitting comfortably
around big TV sets in nice
houses, there ought to be
criticism of unfair heavyhandedness. I don't hear
anything. OK, I'll say it.
The album gets a little
weighty. I mean, look at
the cover art! Forget about
understatement. And then
there's that line from "Too
Much Rope", the same song
with the axe: "Give any one
species too much rope, I
And they'll fuck it up."
But Waters' words are so
intriguing and the music so
eloquent, I can forgive him
. for being intense and
thought-provoking. In fact,
he's given those of us
monkeys without TV's
something to do.
�
Dublin Core
The Dublin Core metadata element set is common to all Omeka records, including items, files, and collections. For more information see, http://dublincore.org/documents/dces/.
Type
The nature or genre of the resource
Newspaper
Title
A name given to the resource
The Rat's Ass, September 3, 1993, Volume 02, Issue 02
Subject
The topic of the resource
Newspaper, Publications, Satires, Zines, 1993 Fall
Description
An account of the resource
This issue of The Rat's Ass dates from September 03, 1993. This is the first issue in the collection to feature a "Letter to Uneditor". It contains a critique of Greek life from Mike Augspurger, and a review of a policy restricting open flames in dorms by Julie Meiman. Graham Robertson writes a farewell to Rhodes, Brian Dixon reviews the previous week's issue, and Ross Gohlke defends an album. This issue is made up of the standard four 8.5" x 11" pages.
Creator
An entity primarily responsible for making the resource
Mike Augspurger, Julie Meiman, Graham Robertson, Bill Wiggleston, Brian Dixon, Ross Gohlke, Chris Brown
Source
A related resource from which the described resource is derived
Dlynx
Publisher
An entity responsible for making the resource available
Memphis, Tenn. : Rhodes College Archives and Special Collections
Rights
Information about rights held in and over the resource
Rhodes College owns the rights to the archival digital objects in this collection. Objects are made available for educational use only and may not be used for any non-educational or commercial purpose. Approved educational uses include private research and scholarship, teaching, and student projects. For additional information please contact archives@rhodes.edu. Fees may apply.
Format
The file format, physical medium, or dimensions of the resource
PDF
The Rat's Ass
-
http://archives.rhodes.edu/files/original/0ece185c3e0b6d6a0257b7a0ae5aaa48.pdf
d75596bbe18a2b2ad1328b0bd3960c96
PDF Text
Text
ain't never had it.
Issue 5
I
Top Ten Cool Features of the
New Israeli-PLO Honda Peace
Accord
by Brian Dixon
10. Anti-lock brakes
9. "Y asser" personalized plate
8. A-ooh-ga horn
7. Tinted windows throw off
angry right wing PLO
members
6. Steel belted radios
5. Plush wall to wall
carpeting
4. "How to Talk Like a
Trucker" manuel included with
CB
3. James Bond oil slick feature
- standard
2. Runs on sand
1. Wimp's a camel's ass
I
I
I
I
•
I
I
I
t
l
)
~
My (ex)girlfriend was
a militant feminist.
She burnt bras.
I burnt my toga.
[:>
I'm Independent.
~
·~
Dipak
ps. I HAVE greek
friends...
~·
'fJ
~
~
~
-
6 "'
,9 ~
-:-7\~·
. VJ~
7'J
•
September 24,
�most introspective of all
seasons, fall, the time defined ' Barney Must Be Destroyed
Late last night I was
by ferment, the time whose f
l trying to write an English
raison d'etre is to move things
Clay's Column
by Clay
Lazarus Speaks, or,
Why You Should Love Fall As
Much As I Do
•paper, which naturally led
J to my thinking about Barney
•the Dinosaur, and all the
trouble he has winning the
I'm a nut for fall.
•·hearts of American adults.
ballistic every time it
Why don't more people like
, Barney? Hmmm. Is it
around. If I have the chance, . &;,,·'" 11
with t11e help of the liberal free~
' ~ ~ \/ · .,:
because its mindless,
press, to share my joy with t11e :·
. -' . . '.
r
, puerile crap? No, it can't
reading public,
do it wi~ as ~ ·
-- _
'
f be that. After all, look at
much vigor as I II do anytlung ,_
• how well Beavis and
else.
·
• · Butthead are doing. And no
Of course, communication
one complained when
is a tricky t11ing. I tried t11is !M'.31"--along in the grand process millions of five-year olds
/-love-fall bit last year when I
toward death-awaiting-rebirth,
had to see GI Joe every day
wrote for the . . . uh . . . ilie
and I'm so ready for it I could, and to have every little
other newspaper, and by the
so to speak, die.
war toy that came along.
time it got to press, it had
Just think:
fall is 'That's it! Barney just isn't
undergone such ... uh ... such
n e c es sari l y the most ' violent enough. Poor
extensive editing even I didn't
philosophical of seasons Barney, he's just a big
know what I was trying to say.
because its stock-in-trade. is f eggplant-looking wimp.
Strike one.
mortality, the rightful starting When we bitch about how
Now t11e batter steps back,
point of all philosophy, the much we hate Barney,
thinks of all those kids in t11e
only universally-observed I that's really our little inner
orphmrnges, and steps forward
aspect of t11e human condition. I children whining,"Where's
boldly for anot11er swing, a
Etl1nocentric t11ought systems I the blood? Give us blood.
second attempt to hit you over
crumble under the ~.eight of Waaaaah!"
the head with his trusty
tl1eir own presuppos1t1ons and •
Yes, Barney should be
Louisville Slugger of joie-decultural trappings, but meaner, like his ugly
I
J,
l
1:n
A
with low, low production
values. PBS should get
wise and net an adult
audience by locking the
purple behemoth with other
big rubbery monsters in
mortal combat. Where
would his opponents come
from? Sesame Street, of
course! Big Bird, Mr.
Snuffaluffagus, and Oscar
the Grouch are naturally
pissed that Barney's
invading their turf, and
.
&FOUND :_,; ...
Tl-lAL PACK A·~ER · .
PACK,CAMEL'.S
MILDNESS AND
.FLAVOR GIVE ME
MORE PLEASURE
THAN ANY OTHER
CIGARETTE!
i
J
'f
f
f
vivre.
mortality transcends them all.
!
stepcousin, Godzilla. They
cousins after all, both
are mutant spinoffs of a
tyrannosaurus rex, both
f have annoying little
~children for sidekicks, and
lboth come from studios
r(~ It is at once our most horrific .are
TI1is week the weather-god l...IJ}
blessed us wit11 a cold front. I
am anew man.
Y£' .
Isn't it funny how, with 7..J~
our climate controls and our !>or'f'
safe-as-houses shelter from the o ~
elements, yet the weather t l..; "\
affects us deeply? I can feel
like death-warmed-over all
summer, back breaking under
t11e oppressive heat, but when
the first cool breeze hits, I'm
Lazarus. I'm ready for bear.
Here we are on the cusp of t11e
and generous attribute. In t11e
end, life forgives all tluough
deat11, bringing sure respite
from t11e ephem~ral .car~s
besetting us as we mhab1t tlus
mortal coil.
r
Besides, fall brings college ·
football, Thanksgiving and
snuggling.
It brings
Oktoberfest, pumpkins, le
beaujolais nouveau, Arts in tl1e
Park, pretty leaves, Saturday
afternoons at the river,
cookouts, oblique rays of sun
and t11e World Series. I could
THESE H_
ORRID AGE SPOTS* go on.
Every season has its
strong points, but in t11e end,
we owe it all to fall. Fall
takes tl1e resting of winter, the
exuberant awakening of spring
and t11e loathsome toiling of
summer and distills them all
into a sweet liquor of rest, ·
reflection and appreciation that
leaves, as it goes down, a
wann tickle, t11e wannth of t11e
embers of the human
~~-'--~--~~~~~---'~~~~
.1:f 1.·· .,,.. .. .·· .
?1\~iiii!i~1l1~. .: ~ ·
'!,,.;
~,r;;
I
··
WANTED
STEADY ·
.
..
.
A helmet is a nasty thing
When your teeth are green from
eating flowers
And the telephone, it talks for hours
With someone who doesn't appreciate
chocolate pudding.
--Ross Gohlke
___
,
___
91'
---
would probably love to kic;<
his purple ass. They could
I
stomp around Mr. Roger's
-.::. ~
Ask Faith and Reason:
*** Dear Faith and Reason, ~
Neighborhood, raising hell
I am trying to argue with
the advice column that
and smashing King Friday·~
gives
you
smarts
and this friend of mine, Percy, about
hearts
castle to smithereens.
the existence of God. Percy is an
atheist and I want oh so much to
compiled by charles schafer
When they get really
convince him that there is a
*** Dear Faith and Reason,
popular, they can gain
I was in Church last
higher power so that he will
international appeal by
Sunday, listening to a very
maybe ultimately convert to
doing a joint production:
Christianity and I'll feel better
mediocre sermon, when all of a
Barney vs, the Smog
sudden I felt this amazing
about myself as a result. What is
tingling in my leg and I just knew
the most compelling argument for .
Monster or maybe Barney
God's existence? I know one
vs, Rodan . Can you see it? , ' that it was the spirit of the Lord,
working in me! I jumped up and
already about how nature is so
BARNEY: Will you be my
ran down the aisle right then and
incredible like how could there
friend?
made a profession of faith on the
not be a God, I mean just look at
GHIDRAH: Grrronk!
spot. What I want to know is
the flowers and the beautiful
this: do you think that it was
waterfalls and how can you help
BARNEY: I love you .. .
really God moving in me? If so,
thinking jeez, there must be a God
you love me ... we're .. .
why did he do it during such a
and he must be in those flowers
GHIDRAH: reeeeAARRRK!
1 boring sermon? Do you think that
and waterfalls.
(hot blast of radioactive
means it was the devil?
Sincerely,
monster funk melts
Sincerely,
Neva Tay
Lorna Toon
Barney's face).
Faith: Neva, your argument
Faith: Lorna, I think you really
about why God must exist is
PBS, get with it:
. , . did have a wonderful experience of
beautiful. There are other good
unconditional love and
the Lord's spirit moving in you.
ones, too. C.S. Lewis did a super
·... sharing won't cut the
Trust that. Don't worry about the
duper job of reasoning through
mustard. Stick with
devil. He can't hurt you unless
the whole thing. I think the best
you read censored books. The
something more traditional.
argument is that we should have
Lord was just being tricky,
faith in God because then we can
Have Barney stake out his
coming upon you during a boring
be forgiven for our sins.
·i territory, stomp on a few
1
sermon. Remember, He likes to
Reason: Neva, listen. You're
" buildings and tanks, and
·
work in mysterious ways.
trying much too hard. How the
beat the living crap out of
Reason: Lorna, I have to throw
hell do you get "God" out of
any guy in a rubber suit
a little cold water on your parade
"waterfall"? If you want to see
here. The reason your legs got
who comes along. That's
God in nature, get out on the rural
tingly was because you had them
interstate between here and
what we want. Shed some
crossed for too long -- which can
Nashville. Jesus is on at least
d?y-glo purple blood and
happen when you're in church for
three billboards.
we'll watch! Of course, so
hours. You should either open
your legs more or cut out half way
will the kids, so you can
through the preaching. And about
still mechandize. Aiiiieee!!!
trying to make a profession of
It is Barney! We must
faith -- give it up. There's no ·
flee!!!
money in it. Make a profession
-by J. Oliphant
of medicine or advertising. That's
where it's at, baby.
.,
I
I
Flawed
Story
by Mike Augspurger
I
talked
t o
President Daughd r i l l
last week at AT &T.
He was nice enough.
He
answered
my
questions
congenia :t ly.
He said
that the cost of a
college
education
really wasn't going
up, that in fact i t
had stayed about the
same as the price of
a
car
for
years.
People
just
complained about i t
more,
because
its
benefits were harder
to see.
lf"itll_...
Int o.
' College
Costs
Up
More
Than
Doubl e
Rate Of Inflati o n . '
It said, "While the
rate of inc rease for
college
costs
has
slowed somewhat during the past three
years,
1993
nonetheless
marks
the
thirteenth
consecutive ye a r
th a t
those
costs
ha v e
outpaced
The
~'1~en
~
*** Dear Faith and Reason,
When Satan tempts me
to do evil, I am sorely troubled.
What can I do to resist? He is so
powerful, and I am so weak, so ...
human. I know Jesus responded
to the evil one by saying, "Get
thee behind me, Satan." Is it that
easy?
Sincerely,
Anita Will
@~
Ata•
Faith: Yes.
Reason:
You've got to
remember that Jesus was human,
too. And when he told Satan to
get behind him, He had been in
the wilderness for 40 days and his
butt probably smelled terrible. If
you have a lot of B.O., His
technique might work for you .
Otherwise, give it up.
5lu~ _B_o~---:--------,
o.,atH-r. '(otJ J(..ao_,, \
l>w·' T (£e\l..&."f HNI' A~'t
11>E~
c..>M"f"
"Ofl~
.lei
£I.IT'ii ~. I bot.IT £«H
(tJow 'foul{ ,..
1
I
Cereal
\c(;f_ ~ .. - -
I
I
I rea d an a r t i c l e
yesterd ay
in
th e
.,,.E.. yr:r:
(
z A" FA-r BUG!
Jt "b 'lov .t(E••• ~
141ai_,
\
i.\Mlf !
r"\
~·r
You
t.)Alotf 'f"C) ~S"ll\llC
~£
,,,.-
.,. ~,
..
I
II
by
~,
.
�A Didactic Letter
i n Re s ponse to Amy
Chr is Fisher's #I
CAN'T stand cheap
people" election
flyer.
(Yeah, it IS a long
title. Shut up and
read : ) ... )
Dear, dear Chris,
Let me start by
reminding you that
the Honor Council
is no joke. I f
you're going to
make references to
it through #deep"
thoughts, babe,
you've got a
problem. Note the
uqqotes" around
#deep?"
a handle on your
bearings. If you're
going to take off
in this direction,
there is no telling
what other pithy
maxim you're going
to snatch from
another murky abyss
of even #deeper"
thoughts.
en
~
9 ,~
~
::--::
~
~
8
o
J..-4
lS
l
I
·
.
@·. ·.'. ·, ., .
•
~
~ c=
~
~
1
•
Try
:
. ·l
with
·VACUTEX ' ..,.
·· ··
,....
:
three
fl n aer1 .
It · re a ches
:~~:k~.~~dlr ~~~w::11~·ht!.'i; ,~\.~~
·
,
I
.: ;;:-"f,:r.~i~~~,:•
..:~~~ll~=.~h:.. ~~~
·' ,
0
...
,
,
•
1
.
"-.)'
.
. ,extrftcts Bla ckheads automatica lly
The a maz ing ly effective Vacu:tex'
'
0
:::> ::::l
p-
.
Bl~_ckhea~ Remov~r ..
s1oo .
':;::l
.
r.
··, •· · · > "-~
-or no _
cost.
~
(
rJ)
. ~t~ ~!c~1 i~: . ~!'i~-;t~~t 1 ~
M
~ . ?':-> ;
en.§,
g '§ I
~
l~~e~· ~r"~i:~\:'~~~,j~B·.
··
.· .
0
.·
·· ·
VACUTEX and your , dollar, wlll
· be refundorl. : .
chris brown •
holy romin' em~ror
chuck schafer • bosom of abraham
clay combs• "the indulgence vendor"
dipak ghosh • altar boy
Jeffgadomslzl • deep friar
john oliphant • monk d
julie meiman • monk e
mike augspurger.judas priest
pat garrett •altered priest
~o~~ go~l'M· leud 3 cleric
~-·
Are you
in the
knoltv?
Scriptural . Cake
1 ·Cllp or Judgn s:as
3i cup1 of Exodu1 ag:a
a
cupa of Nahum 3: la
1 Cllp o! Geneel 1 a• :17
1 tip of Exodu1 16:31
3 Cllpl Of Jerea:lab 6:30
a cups Of I Samuel 30: la
lcupofNua:ber117:8
6 cup• o! haiab 10: 14
l pincll Of Levi t1 CUI 3: 13
3 tip of Air.01 a:u
Seuon to talte •1th I King1 lO:a. Follow
$olOlllOn 1 1 prelCriptiOn for a good boy .in
Proberb1 33:14 and l:ake .
·BALLCO- - - - - -CO., Dept .-9- ·
- - - PRODUCTS - - - I
g :~.~~ ~~g_g~~ ! 1 ·, ·::;~:S~~~~':i.
' \lf&oh 1cr1ptuu Teru contain• one or 111or1
:
11
,. _________________________ _,
You've implied,
unwittingly I hope,
that requesting
money you have
loaned is cheap!?
Let me see if I'm
missing something:
Good soul loans
needy friend
moolah,good soul
gets needy . and
needs moolah back,
good soul asks for
moolah, good soul
asks, hence he is
cheap? Honey, by
your definition of
#cheap" (in cahoots
with Dr.Handey),not
being #cheap" is
bloody e x pensive.
That's quite a deep
#cheap" thought,eh?
brlzm dlxon • halrytlck
('t'bil recipe 11 ~~er 300 yeare old. Follow tb•
41reot1on1 carefully for a dellolou1 cake).
Ugly BLACKHEADS
OUT IN .SECONDS
;::, .F; ~L~
~ ~
t--< ~
'
......~~ ·
~ ----:,-~.•.
~~
The Rat's
Ass is
assembled by a crack staff
of Rhodes students and/or
friends,
published
whenever the staff feel like
it, and distributed for mass
consumption in the
domain of actual campus
publicatons, the Rat.
Obviously there are no
restrictions on what is
published . . There is
nei.ther regard for, nor
claim of, truth, so don't
get on usabout it. Feel
free to send contributions
and/or letters via campus
mail to any one of the
poor s<>uls listed here.
Look, ( I hope) I ' m
sure you saw some
humor in your
researched quote,
but how much
#deeper" will you
get, especially if
elected to THE
council. Please get
19W. 441hst. , N.Y. 36,N , v .
P•u• 4 3 c poi iit re :
1 ngred1 en ta u1ed 1 n mat 1-ng a cake.
-
If your campaign
has been an
experiment in
negative
advertising,babe, I
commend you for
your courage 'cause
you've certainly
trod the limits of
anti-matter (hence
my #reaction").
Believe it or not,
I wish you luck for
the elections. I've
run for the Honor
Council too , but
never won . Thinking
of which, if you
win, I ' ve got to
get me a copy of
#deeper thoughts"
by that Handey guy.
Sincerely,
Diphthong .
ps.If my criticism
has been a
traumatic
experience, please
feel free to call
x3385 and leave a
nasty rebuttal on
the machine. It
should be a
cathartic of sorts.
Hell, I might
answer the phone
myself and generate
a few (crocodile)
tears .
pps. Welcome to
RHODES :) ~
- 0 r I''- ~
.,,
•.
TERO IN A PUNCH
by:chris brown
&L. os~
{
tfi:l
m
Dark red, like the lips of your favorite
female pom-star,was the color of
the punch in this bowl. Perfectly round
ice-cubes floated all in the red juice;
then I saw this big black terd among
all the perfectly round ice-cubes.
I asked the guy next to me
"Are you drinking this shit ?"
He only smiled as he dipped his cup
into bowl and drank his second cup.
He obviously liked it.
, "Don't question."
~
"Don't ask."
'
"Just drink it."
was his reply.
.
A
�
Dublin Core
The Dublin Core metadata element set is common to all Omeka records, including items, files, and collections. For more information see, http://dublincore.org/documents/dces/.
Type
The nature or genre of the resource
Newspaper
Title
A name given to the resource
The Rat's Ass, September 24, 1993, Volume 02, Issue 05
Subject
The topic of the resource
Newspapers, Publications, Satires, Zines, 1993 Fall
Description
An account of the resource
This issue of The Rat's Ass dates from September 24, 1993. Brian Dixon leads off the issue with a top ten list. Pat Garrett compares religion and geology, Clay Combs describes his love for fall, and John Oliphant reviews Barney. Ross Gohlke writes the zine's first poem alongside Mike Augspurger's and Charles Schafer's centerfold pieces. The back page features a response to Amy Chris Fisher's election flyer by Dipak Ghosh and a short piece by Chris Brown.
Creator
An entity primarily responsible for making the resource
Pat Garrett, Clay Combs, Mike Augspurger, Ross Gohlke, Dipak Ghosh, John Oliphant, Charles Schafer, Chris Brown, Brian Dixon, Julie Meiman
Source
A related resource from which the described resource is derived
Dlynx
Publisher
An entity responsible for making the resource available
Memphis, Tenn. : Rhodes College Archives and Special Collections
Rights
Information about rights held in and over the resource
Rhodes College owns the rights to the archival digital objects in this collection. Objects are made available for educational use only and may not be used for any non-educational or commercial purpose. Approved educational uses include private research and scholarship, teaching, and student projects. For additional information please contact archives@rhodes.edu. Fees may apply.
Format
The file format, physical medium, or dimensions of the resource
PDF
The Rat's Ass
-
http://archives.rhodes.edu/files/original/148a383085a8473b464406f387f09f25.pdf
ffb4ffd61c7922f3ee4e2928e7bd270a
PDF Text
Text
"T::,~.:kiing the most benign issues, for fear of Santa Claus."
Don't tw,·
body to ist Your ,
Qet Into
Position.
~
..,_v
~
<,.,,o""
Vol. Il Issue 12
~
I
December 8, 1993
<\>'l)
~/~Special Holid~l. , !~sue !!
* • • • • * * • * • • • * *
The blatant
presentation of raw ideas
through the form of
DIALOGUE has fallen into
disfavor in these subtle and
calculated times. Those of
us who eschew elegance of
form have gone underaround
'
writing our simple and
styleless pieces as best we
can, burdened as we are by
the weight of ignominy and
general thickness.
Occasionally a fragment such
as this will be championed by
a poor and struggling rag
which can find no other
"copy• to fill its worthless
calumns. It is only through
these pitiful opportunities
that our opinions see any
chance of entombing
themselves in your brain.
Read this, then, with the
kind of special attention you
would give to a sick and
dying animal. You owe it in
the name of pity.
A Conversation
Between John a.
Smoker and John
Nonsmoker
jqs: Why do you persecute
me so?
jqn: Because your very
existence persecutes me.
jqs: Good point.
a.
jqn: Do you think it is cool
to smoke? Or are you
merely addicted. Pick one; '
will be condescending no
matter which answer you
choose.
jqs: Both. Does that mean I
get a double dose of you on
your high horse?
jqn: I would have thought
you'd be more creative.
jqs: If I told you why I
really smoke, you'd laugh,
maybe think I was just full
of sh_t.
jqn: Go ahead, shoot. I'm
listening. I don't have
anything else to do, and I get
fidgety during long silences- don't know what to do with
0u••••
unfulfilled oral fixation is a
bugger for creating nervous
tics.
l'HE § Do not. let Grey Hai
_
[jqs lights up)
§
appear.
jqs: I sincerely believe that MEXICAN § or1f1n•I colou r. or White Hair to
= R~·! 0 r•• Grey where the il•ndi
smoking is the 1~st
HAIR § notdH!royed. com1nt out. Hctt or
Cl
:; tb• H•1r from Pre~entaOaodrulf,
connection we moderns h
§
••d Srreoc<h••• th• "'''·
.
ave RENEWER =is NOT A DYE
With the primitive archetype
I s
Sold Ev~rywhe r
of humanity. Human as firepossessor, human as torchjqn: ·-.vaS: you say?
cai·rier, human as controller
jqs: Yes, •was.· She died
of that most powerful of the
of lung cancer last year.
four elements of nature
jqn: Doesn't that make you
jqn: Fire?
' ...
want to stop smoking?
jqs: Indeed. The power to
jqs: Why?
burn is the power to
jqn: Well, obviously because
destroy. Imagine it ...
a death in your family due to
unimaginable power! In
smoking should make you
1
addition, the cigar or
cigarette is a phallic symbol,
which reminds me of my
mother. She was a smoker,
too.
r'l
u
reconsider your own
smoking habit!
jqs: Smoking doesn't cause
cancer! That's a lie spread
by aliens!
chuck: Does anybody want
part of a tree trunk?
jqn: What!!??!
chuck: Now that I'm part of
this conversation it's a
_ trlalogue. I was just
asking. Pardon me. I guess
I'll be going.
jqs: Before you go, could
you settle one thing?
chuck: Sure.
jqn: After you sum up the
pros and cons, is smoking ...
cool?
chuck: Why, I believe that it
- - · [cough]
b'\ ~\.. ....\....:
~,L..,f-
�Random Ruminations on an Old Magazine: Holling Sto~ August .5
;Jy Ross Gohlke
One thing I can't stand is
)]d magazines. It doesn't
matter if I'm just biding time in
rhe john trying to beat my dad's
1 ecord for pages read on the pot
r trying to put myself to sleep
(my textbooks usually suffice
fo r that), old magazinesanything that's not the most
recent issue- just plain suck. So
why am I reviewing the August
5 issue of .l?o/lhlg Stom~an issue
with pages still devoted to the
"Lollapalosers Tour" '93?
Because I didn't even read that
article (not all of it) and
because I can . Also, it was a
Christmas present from a friend
back home who works in a
music store and got it for free.
So it has sentimental value.
My friend saved it for me
because of the Soul Asylum
cover story. "soul asylum,
platinum punks" is a pretty
good title (better than Time's
moniker: Tunesmiths) and the
a rticle is pretty good, too.
Have you ever noticed, though,
how
rock
magazine
interviewers always have to
concentrate on one member of
the group, even if the band
members say things like,
"We're a team. Everyone is
equally important"?
Dave
Pirner is in the middle of every
photograph, even the ones that
aren't just of him . I just don't
understand where this guy gets
off saying, "It is the interplay
of Pirner and Murphy that
defines the balance, that keeps
soul asylum pointed down the
highway." What about poor
old Karl Mueller, who started
the band, and Grant Young?
Don't they count? Well, I want
to forget about Dave and Dan
for a moment. I think that Karl
just (well. back befor:e August 5)
dumped his girlfnend of 1,3
years for Winona Ryder. Shes
not even that hot! (too
scrawny).
The article about Eden
(pronounced Eddin) Jacobowitz,
who got in HU GE trouble at U
Penn for ca\hng some people
"waterbuffaloes" and told
them to go to the zoo in an
attempt to make them be quiet
while he was studying, was
infromative and moving. They
Camera ham
~'
l read most of the album
.
but I don't feel I can be
review~.
h to criticize
objectwe enoug .
rm still
their music cnt1c1sm..
.
f
reeling from the m1ust1ce o
Automatic /or the People
getting classic status (five
stars[~ 0 *"]) when The fos/Jua
Tree, obviously the best album
in the past 20 years, only got
four stars (** 0 ) . I just don't
trust their music critics to be
objective. 1 should written
those reviews (even if I wasin
high sc h oo 1 w l1en U2 's
masterpiece came out).
There was an article about
k.d. lange, a "lesbian, feminist,
vegetarian canadian" country
music singer who has won "a
grammy and the hearts of
America"; but since I have
little practical knowledge of
this marginalized social
group- and because she didn't
capture my heart- I didn't
read it. Call me a biased
middle class white male
protestant from the heartland
(you'd be right), but ~ just d:dn't
want to read it.
And I didn't even consider
reading William Greider's
article about Bm Clinton. I've
never understood why a music
mag would stoop to the level of
talking about politics.
So that's my review. Hope
you liked it. I just couldn't
think of anything better to say
(what does that tell you?).
tumed out to be black girls With
extremely delicate racial
identities who pressed Speech
Code charges and hied to bring
Eden to his racist knees in
apology. The phrase "black
water buffalo" is defined as a
raciaJ epithet according to the - - - - - - J.l.~h- · universty's Racial Harassment
Iha ..~·· ) - ~ u a
Policy, and "H doesn't matter I
what Eden meant; what
matters is how the words were
interpreted. If the women's
feelings were hurt, then it's
racial harassment ."
Eden
thought this was all just too
Mueller and Grant Young are
cool. Sure, Dave has the really silly to be true, but he
eventually started to feel
cool hair, but Grant's the one
victimized and refused to
with the boyish good looks.
And even if Karl is butt-ugly, cooperate and went public. He
For many years our Money Drawing Buddha h~s
at least he doesn't have to get finally won the case, but not
drawn hundreds of dollars to those who believe m
someone else to play his ba_ss without considerable anguish.
his powers! If you rub his belly faithfully , he will
work his special magic to bring you all the money
when they record. (down wit~ He still stutters when he talks
you could ever need . He can be used in any Money
the SmAshinG PUmpKms .. ) about it.
Drawing ritual over and over agam.
M1142 ... . ................ . ..... · · · .$8.95
Besides, Dave's the one that
-----·
Col)
Q)
V>
0
0
...c:
u
C)
t'W")
s....
::J
0
t>O
c:
·-
>-.;. ~
Vl
s....
0
'-+--
....
"' Iii
::J Ill
:c
u
o<o
z :t 0
< N .,
...
!!! 0:
Ill
Ill
.., ... 0
> ::J
_, <
Ill 0
z
. _,
I.I.I
~
I.I.I
I.I.I
~-
z
<1:~
0
...
"z
...
, 0
•
••
..: ...
i
.'. .
.
0
•
0
.,!
•
" I~
~
w
.... ..... -
c
c
:IC
u
I
N"
z ..
S!
z
:>
0
•
!
,
""/"
... ,
:::~ i... _.:·,~. . .... ;-: ="· . .•
..
.:.-. ''A-. 1filiai> . · ~ .one~ .:
Bein
. .
s
.
,:·.
woman !nail se~m d
like it musta hap~~ne
. . . body else says
tosome
. '
. '
. 1 ·:"I'm into pl~y.1~
ChadrleY.: ' and not g1v1n
an ov1n
. adamnforthe
rest of my life.''
What Christmas means to me,
or,
Gertrude Stein please report to
the customer service desk we
ha\re found your prose poem on
c URS - ALL fuvj-Ust o. l? cni.t an lff Wt"°r .
THE
the holiday season
gelatin dessert
J;, .
BRAND
N[I WI 307
Money
CAh\l\oS-\- rt\JAt ~ 1-t-~
S~vt +o~ stu.++1~ fG.
Wann fuzzy. Wann fuzzy.
Warm fuzzy. Warm fuzzy.
Warm fuzzy. Warm fuzzy.
Warm fuzzy. Warm fuzzy .
Warm fuzzy. Big meal. Warn:.
fuzzy. Warm fuzzy. Warm
fuzzy. Warm fuzzy. Warm
fuzzy. Warm fuzzy. Big meal.
Wann fuzzy. Wann fuzzy.
Warm fuzzy. Warm fuzzy.
Warm fuzzy. Warm fuzzy.
Warm fuzzy. Warm fuzzy.
Warm fuzzy. Warm fuzzy.
Cool present. Warm fuzzy.
Warm fuzzy. Warm fuzzy.
Wann fuzzy.
Wann fuzzy. Wann fuzzy.
Killer Mastercard bill,
spanning the next eight
months in the paying. Warm
fuzzy. Warm fuzzy. Warm
fuzzy. A rose is still an onion.
Wann fuzzy. Wann fuzzy.
Wann fuzzy. Wann fuzzy.
Warm fuzzy. Warm fuzzy.
Trim the tree. Warm fuzzy.
Warm fuzzy. Warm fuzzy.
The Grinch. Yeah, that's it.
The Grinch. Warm fuzzy.
Wann fuzzy.
�Maybe So...
by Mike Augspurger
A rag like this
sometimes gets soaked
with pessimism. Cynicism
continually
smeared all over the
headlines. Wrong, wrong,
wrong. Everything has
problems which must .be
cleaned up. This article
however, will help to Wip~
the slate; no necks will
be wrung here, no
policies taken to the
cleaners. Rhodes may
not be as dirty as we
sometimes portray it
After all, it's mostly just ~
bunch of clean-cut
ivory-skinned kids tryi~
to get by in a washed-up
system. So, Cheers to
the signs that Tide may
be turntng:
lJ The International
Studies master's program
appears to be dead.
Never mind that it
supporters
ignore~
almost
unanimous
faculty opposition to the
program, never mind that
it seemed to be perverttn
the idea of a liberal art~
school, and never mind
that someone tried to
push it through on the
basis of a completel
unrealistic budget. 1 ~
the end, the committee
investigating its possible
~cepU_o!1 recognized that
u would cost four times
the proposed/ supposed
three million dollars, and
a faulty idea died.
2)
The MacLab
directors decided (for the
second or third semester
in a row) to stay open
until two during exam
week and the week and a
half preceding. No one
had even to complain.
3)
Both the Pikes
and the Kappa Sigmas
have gone out of their
"Don't Settle for less."
Will be common practice,
and Rhodes Will become
wa to visibly advertise, the grand ol' community
toy both males and which all of us want it to
females. on-campus open be.
arties this semester. 1
There you have it. A
~ member being told my completely optimistic
r!st year that most Gr~ article. Have a nice day.
arties were open to
p ampus· 1 soon resigned
c
1f to the fact that
~=~as true only in the
sense
that.
s~~·
professors have comp e e
Th b
academic freedom in the
e rew that's all bark, no bite!! classroom. Perhaps one
day this type of gesture
THE RAT'S ASS OFFICIAL STRESS TEST
(All questions adapted from the Stress Test in Briggs Student Center)
(answer al! questions "Grrectlv and honestly.)
1. Every night yoa find yourselfstudying after midnight- add 5pts.
2. If you drink alcohol or use tobacco to alleviate stress- add 5pts.
3. If you procrastinate on ciass assignments- add 5pts.
4. If you use time management skills- deduct 1Opts.
5. If you have a family that bitches at you- add 5pts.
6. If you decide to go watch a movie instead of finishing
that important paper- add 5pts.
7. If you are at least lOlbs. under or over your ideal weight- add 5p
8. If you have sex without any protection- add !Opts.
9. If you dropped out of two of your classes
this semester- add 25pts. and give yourself a pat-on-the-back
10. If you attend Wellness seminars- deduct 25pts
11. If you get up in the morning before 10 a.m.- deduct 20pts
12. If you don't get along with your roommate.-add !Opts
* Brou~ht to you by The R.A. Foundation for Wellness
Stress Test Score Chart
75-65: Good job. Your stress level is not affecting you.
65-50: 0.K.; You need to drop a class and have a beer.
50-35: Trouble. You need to re-evaluate your priorities.
35-0 : Emergency. Find the nearest gun and shoot yourself.
Death is better than the life you have.
Let falling knives fall. (Never
attempt to catch them!)
Nostalgia in advertising: Conipan~es ~ring back
the past to sell everything from sh1pp10g to soup
�
Dublin Core
The Dublin Core metadata element set is common to all Omeka records, including items, files, and collections. For more information see, http://dublincore.org/documents/dces/.
Type
The nature or genre of the resource
Newspaper
Title
A name given to the resource
The Rat's Ass, December 8, 1993, Volume 2, Issue 12
Subject
The topic of the resource
Newspapers, Publications, Satires, Zines, Winter 1993
Description
An account of the resource
This issue of The Rat's ass dates from December 8, 1993. This Issue of The Rat's Ass was the "Special Holiday Issue!!" On the front page Charles Schafar tells a story in the name of pity. Ross Gohlke critics old magazines and how they have no relevance. All the while Clay Combs tells a beautiful Christmas poem. Mike Augspurger tells us why Rhodes isn't as dirty as we portray it on the back page.
Creator
An entity primarily responsible for making the resource
Schafar, Charles
Gohlke, Ross
Combs, Clay
Augspurger, Mike
Source
A related resource from which the described resource is derived
Dlynx
Publisher
An entity responsible for making the resource available
Memphis, Tenn. : Rhodes College Archives and Special Collections
Rights
Information about rights held in and over the resource
Rhodes College owns the rights to the archival digital objects in this collection. Objects are made available for educational use only and may not be used for any non-educational or commercial purpose. Approved educational uses include private research and scholarship, teaching, and student projects. For additional information please contact archives@rhodes.edu. Fees may apply.
Format
The file format, physical medium, or dimensions of the resource
PDF
The Rat's Ass
-
http://archives.rhodes.edu/files/original/81a904812cef2279ef980584fdca1756.pdf
16de7ad6520ab3bd3e24d58445c36d82
PDF Text
Text
-
•A Beacon of Self-Righteousness in these Evil Times•
(~
~\
11
Volume II Issue 6
excerpt from "I am Womban Hear
Me Roar" by Stacey Greenberg
was okay I 1 .
My final eighteen-wheeler
~om.b b~t sa~a~~ed around The
delivered me to the front door of
e Window th
one. Out of
an inviting bar called "The
empty. Just
streets were
Womb". I labored my worn out
~~~ed t~ the ta~ eyes
body and belongings through the
stared
bottle
swinging doors, plopped down
wonderinr up and down is ey. I
into a plush pink booth, and
ordered a Wild Turkey straight
hiding tha~ whdere she had b
up, no feathers. The waitress
hypothesis~"' fonned a solfden
rore Ipoured myself
gobbled knowingly and produced
my drink from behind her back.
"Mind if I join you?" she
said.
I was used to this
question. "As long as you don't
ask me what my sign is."
She produced another
Turkey and coke from under her
skirt, smiled, and joined me in the
booth. She sat so close that I felt
like a twin. "I know an aries
when I see one," was all that she
said, but she seemed to know
what she was talking about. She
looked like a wildflower and
smelled like honey. I started to
envy the bees.
"Oh yeah? About the only
thing I know right away is
whether a guy has a big penis." I
was nervous. I always talked
a shot S
about penises when I was
Propo~ed he did the
nervous.
"o-a toast.
same and
She licked her lips and
nere'
111·
And s to us "
said, "To tell you the truth I think
lvi1randa.
that's h OW[
.
penises are becoming obsolete."
met
This one I had never heard
before. A chill ran up my spine
and froze my nipples. I was
being seduced by a woman and it
u:
h~ntire
~f~~ _n~w
Tbe Rat's Ass is assembled by
a crack staff of Rhodes students
and/or friends, published
whenever the staff feels like it,
and distributed for mass
consumption in the domain of
actual campus publications, the
Rat. Obviously there are no
restrictions on what is
published. There is neither
regard for, nor claim of ~th,
so don't get on us about it.
Feel free to send contributions
and/or letters via campus mail
to anyone of the poor souls
listed here.
~
Jll
-:::: J"- '~
..
LNOVL.GWl ~OUR HlS
suPER
poWER
Pandora's Staff sox
StaeeY Qreenberg
Chuck scbafer
Mike Augspurger
Julie MeimaD
Ross Gohlke
cbriSBrown
Spite
Hate
Ma}ice
Penis Envy
JealOUSY
Halitosis
DuldrUJllS
Clay combs
l)iarrbea
Brian Dixon
Pat Garrett
canker Sores
�Real World Productions
by Jeff J. Gadomski
As the Rat's Ass Staff
Stripper and Rhodes College
ex-patriot, I, too, have a voice.
And my voice has a few choice
words for you', the great
"educated" masses: Oh please.
After having several weeks
worth of Rhodes daily minutae
literally thrown at me by my
fellow staffers and no less than
unfortunate roommates, I have
come to the acute realization
that perhaps some Rhodes folk
are not quite ready for what we,
speaking for everyone else in
the whole of the known
universe, like to call the real
world. Not to say that it
shouldn't be called the real
universe, but I figure if you're
not ready for your own world
yet, chances are you're
definitely not ready for the rest
of it. Let me further explain
by offering up a small test of
your Real World Adaptability
Times (RAT). Now, in this
case, we won't actually be
timing you for real (contrary to
the premise behind this
column) because, again, you're
probably not ready for it. Are
you wearing a watch with a
second-hand? I rest my case.
In any event, simply answer
the questions given and tally
up your score using the key
following the test. Ready?
Go:
1) You're at the office of the
leasing agent for your
apartment.
The annoying
women helping you has just
informed you that you will not
be given your original deposit
because, they say, you forgot
to wipe off the bathroom sink.
This will easily cost them the
FRYE'S FAMOUS BOOTS .
f ine quality
$100 you gave them in order to
have it taken care of.. .they say.
How do you respond to this
unfortunate dilemma?
a) Cry until they give you
the money
b) Tell them your daddy is
a lawyer, call him up, and have
him yell at the mean old lady.
c) Nimbly leap the counter
in order to better throttle the
woman with your bare hands
so as
to procure your money.
d) Say "OK. Thank you,"
quickly and ashamedly exit the
building without further ado
like the spine-less worm of a
wimp that you are.
2) Due to unfortunate and
untimely
financial
circumstances, you are being
hounded by any number of
people who like referring to
themselves as "collection
agencies" (not to be
misconstrued as "mafia"). The
money that they would like,
you do not happen to have and
are most likely not going to
find in the cushions of your
second hand couch. How do
you react to the nasty phone
call precluding an untimely and
surely unnatural accident that is
sure to follow?
a) Whine until they kill
you for humanity's sake.
b) Call your daddy, explain
the situation, and have him
send them the money.
c) Have your number
changed right after having your
hair colored and moving out of
state.
d) Offer them your
girlfriend, invite them to
Thanksgiving dinner at your
place, and thank them for
calling you a spineless piece of
puffed-up blowfish shit.
3) You have no food at your
apartment. You have just
moved and opened up a brand
new checking account. You do
not have your ATM card yet
and your checks are those plain
complimentary ones they give
you at the bank (not the cool
"Natural Scenery" ones that
you special ordered). After
spending 2 hours shopping at
the local grocery store, the
cashier tells you in her best !can't-believe-what-an-idiot-youare voice that they cannot
accept bank checks that have
no address printed on them. It
is after 5pm and the bank is
closed. You have a total of 79
cents in change on your
person. What is the logical
thing to do?
a) Put on your best pouty
face and hope the cashier thinks
it's so cute she gives you the
food.
b) Call your daddy, have
him fly in from Boston, and
make him pay for the food.
c) Beat the cashier soundly
about the face and head with
the bag of oranges you had
wished to purchase and make a
break for the door with as
much food as you can carry in
your shirt.
d) Realize the futility of
arguing with the GED failure
standing in front of you, thank
her, and head for Taco Bell
where you can have 5 whole
tacos that might even last you
until your checks arrive.
So. There you have it.
That's the test. How did we
do? As far as scoring goes, if
you answered anything except
D for . any of the above
questions, you're in for a very
large surprise when school's
over and your parents have
given you the "We didn't raise
a sponge" speech. If you
answered C, however, make
sure and send all your old
college buddies letter from the
"joint" because you and your
new wife, Billy Joe Jim Bob,
are going to have a lot of free
TO: REV. DAUGHDRILL
time on your hands.
--l
FROM: chns brown
Now then , I hope you all - I
DATE: OCTOBER 1, 1993
have learned a valuable lesson :;:from this. Stop all ·of your U
SIR, I also find the death
.
pathetic little crying and T I
but your attempt to conso~f ~~land Smith saddening,
whining about such stupid, ~
probably did more h
h e e student body
trivial little things that Rhodes
your memorandum r~:;n:~t~ood. I find this one section of
is doing, Certain things, such ·.-Ll
.
as Prof. Byers leaving ,
"There is little comfort in
.
.
,
educational standards of \I)
teaching, and other issues that. V'>'
we norm~l/y follow. The on~h~a r~~1onal and intellectual pursuits
concern your schooling and
comes with acceptance and fait~ mg comfort is the peace that
lmaz1ng New Way to
, a peace that passes u d
general life after school are, in
Even though th'
n erstanding.aEou
fact, important and should be
and that Judais's ~hool teaches that the Bible .
whined about as such .
I ask you to d. mis a coalescing of Mesopotam· ts full _ error
o_f
the size of your
However, when it comes to
1sconnect yo
.
tan reltg1ons
things like the "new" candle
io disow~ inte11ectua1 pursuY; ~·~hds from your emotions; ,
o trade in the r .
e name of psy h I .
.. .
.
•
and open-flame restriction
and to take I at~onal for the irrational
c o og1cal comfort for the k
.. ·- ..... "i.ake
imposed on dorm rooms (by no
so ace in th t
.
sa e of relig' . c'ilhbecause timeless word a keveryth1ng will be ok
No·""' -:···....
ton, iioW'
means intended to demean last
and Ii
s ta en from b
•
FA11 cuE 1
... ,
,
•
week's brilliantly elocuted
ttered With quasi-answ
a OOk fuf/ Of myth
~ R ci;nla r u f ~lcln,.·A·~,;i,;,;1· 'r cilt c
se.o
article by our own Julie
should be enough to soothe ;;: wh_ich must be heavily filtered
:;,~~se~~~"·~~:·~:·e :?l~~;:x;~;i;~~:.ffi~;~~~
On the contrary th' .
e pain and sorrow of 1· . .
by the educated m1·nd
;o .1o n c -1he
Meiman, a fellow Catholic and
Th '
• IS IS Utterly d'
.
IVtng in th'
/
is college teache .
isgustmg and re u
is word.
,n AT H OME
a damn fine complainer) or the
and that on t
h S tts students that this , h p gnant to anyone Who th· k
.
.iilc you rend yo ur
food in the Rat, look at it this
.
in s.
... or even sleep
new SYnt heSIS COncemin t we should t rust ft and COme tOB'bl e IS
.op t at , tha
. s w at the I
" '
...m AT THE OFFICE
.
·· · ~ ;.l "t;.. Y ..ope n,-yo ur mail.
o,u
way: if you don't like it, don't
I would th
g our tntellectu I
.
a
, ~ ''~p,g1; TH AN 3s o ooo OW NE
be the first in line to give the (}.J
ra er be a nihilist then b II
_ pursuits and faith
a
'"·n"~' \1)111Rc!nli-A-cizor 'is th e smart,.!~
school money when you -<
~oorryca/Rled "Christian college" sellsetoe~te in the god that this .
i~;!~;ji;.;r~,·,~;~,.;~ ~~ r;~';; ~':., ·:~oi::
ev. Mr. D th k
I s students
\ii' rf'I~ t >n "notch or SO' • ••
graduate. If the school didn't
, an S but no tha k
•
."·> " 01 A VIURA TOR ... not a m e
a!Sa
.
0 S.
· f'° · J ~e . . . No diet or. wci gl 1t loss involve~
have all it's private funding, it
.
. I . Las Vegas castno
ha nk s. l o mode rn science. Helnx-A-c izor r :
.
'lj "j' me by nc <u nll y exe rcisin g yo ur mu scle",
might be slightly more
Patty tn t he ear/y 1960sI working as a crgarette gtr tn a
,,..' ·' '
w II e you '""·
attentive to the students rather
, ~.• MOH E FA CT S ... yo urs f o r· the o k
,... ~ ·
J.:rg.k Se n,~ coup on for F REE illu s t rn t!led
than to their parents.
oo le t , ln s lnnt Exe r cise " - il 's FREE
OF cosr on OBLI GAT ION !
If you really want
H
.ATIONWl 'l E! NEW YORK CITY 711
Fifth Avenue, MU a. 4690 • CH ICAGO
something to whine about,
IL~INOIS , 17 Nort h State St reet '
. Suite 800, ST 2- 5680 • LOS ANGEL ES'
8
why not call your parents and
; ~~~l:~aRr~~A'oC g.s~i~h. L~o~;0~~~.1
; ~~f: ~y6 57 Bloor St reet West;
ask them to send money in
I
order to fund your favorite
J ~- . A
,,~~
''; ~·® '",,,..,., • •
axtt.ciz or ·-··-publication. Or, perhaps, to
, '. . "
I
use the money in order to bail
this writer out of jail after he
gets arrested for blatantly using
1• ~g~:~.~~.~,;~'. ~~~ 1~~"''
I
a copyrighted name to title his
·--· ft. ·-· . ·-· II Send me the "J~STANT EXER CISE" book let with- I
article. Next week: "Letters ;~~
~
outMcRost or obli ga tion - send In pl ain pac ket. I
.....~ , ..,,..
I 0 '
0 MRS.
0 MISS
from the joint -- greenbacks
I NAM E.
I
" ClTY
ADDRESS
I
and what to do without them."
. '\
.. ... ' '- • ••
~
I
------ZONE__ I
Now that's the real world for
,.c·~· '- ·••.
'
I I STATE _ _ _ _ PHONE
I
you.
·~~
T'
CE
W
•
"
i ;.:
-t
atSTLINE'
..
"~
e I: . , """··:""' FREE!· i
I
tb
• - '"
I I
·" "· '"'"'
,....... <b
.A
fi~
---
um-• • ••••-- J9
- --oMy
(ex)
~:u;~:;;~:nd
a mil ·
was
J.tant feminist
·~) She burnt bra s .
~
I' burnt my toga .
U) N""l
1 Im Independent .
~~
LJ
--:;
•\<~
-~-·· .
Al
.....,
--~!!OllU:tiiC.
Dipak
ps, I HAVE gre e k
friends
. ..
0
' -.)
C)J
'"-"-J
W
_I
,;:» ....-1
~
~
"'
�New News from the Old
Testament
By Pat "Zippetty Doo Da"
Garrett, Mike "From E to Z"
Augspurger, and Chuck "Busy
B" Schafer
The Bible as compiled by
monks of yore left many
chapters and books out of the
final edition. This recently
excavated chapter from the
book of Job (rhymes with
globe, robe, and ear lobe) gives
rise to an interesting new
interpretation.
Chapter 15b Job: I have heard
many things like these;
miserable comforters are you
all! God assails me and tears
me in his anger and gnashes
his teeth at me; my opponent
fastens on me his piercing
eyes. You are wrong, I am
right, na nanee boo boo stick
your heads in doodoo.
Bildad: But don't you believe
in retributive justice? You
must have done something
horrendous to deserve all these
boils. Are you sure you don't
ever spill your seed on the
ground or let your daughter see
your feet? Come on now.
Eliphaz: God assails you!
And yet you say you have been
pious? Hmmm. God says
he'll be good to faithful
believers, you are a faithful
believer, and you're covered
with pus. Waketh thee up, my
son! Thou needeth counseling.
Zophar: Alright, stop, castrate
it, and listen,
God is back with a brand new
dementia,
Somethin's gonna grab you
tightly,
Pain-in-all-your-boils daily and
nightly,
Will it ever stop? Yo, I don't
know,
Check out my beat and let the
blood flow.
I am Zophar the rappin'
Naamathite
And I'll bu~t a move on your
.
God th mg plight
Bildad: That was a righteous
move you busted, Zophar.
Job·
G.
.
ive me not that
fai~less blaspemy, my posse!
You re not down with trustin
g
the Lord of Hosts!
Bildad: He's more like the
Lord of Hostess Snacks
judging by that white stuff
over you. It reminds me of
Little Deborahs.
·
Eliphaz: If it were only true
that Twinkies had an infinite
shelf life!
Zophar: Now Job my fresh
friend, you do not listen,
You be way wrong in dis
funky down position.
Naked you popped from yo'
mama's ole womb,
And now you all sored up
lookin' like a buffoon.
Womb. Buffoon. Boom.
Boom. Chica chica.
Scratch, chica, chica, scratch,
scratch, chica, BOOM. .. .
a1i
ed. note: The text moves
along in something of the
same vein for approximately
200 more lines. We thought
this was plenty.
by Brian Dixon
Anti-freeze Apple
Liquod Lead
Bloody Mary Red
Molasses
Cajun Blackened Banana
Dazzling Draino
Barney Sweat
Bruised Fruit
Super Premium Unleaded
Pock Mark Punch
�
Dublin Core
The Dublin Core metadata element set is common to all Omeka records, including items, files, and collections. For more information see, http://dublincore.org/documents/dces/.
Type
The nature or genre of the resource
Newspaper
Title
A name given to the resource
The Rat's Ass, October 01, 1993, Volume 02, Issue 06
Subject
The topic of the resource
Newspaper, Publications, Satires, Zines, 1993 Fall
Description
An account of the resource
This issue of The Rat's Ass dates from October 01, 1993. The headline reads, "Special Space-Filler Issue". Accordingly, it features fewer pieces than most other issues. A selection from Stacey Greenberg's "I am Womban Hear Me Roar" is featured on the front page. The centerfold houses an article from Jeff Gadomski instead of his customary comic strip. Chris Brown writes a strong letter to Rev. Daughdrill, and Dipak Ghosh's poem hides in the bottom right hand corner. The back page has a piece from Pat Garrett, Mike Augspurger, and Chuck Schafer in which they reveal a previously unknown chapter of Job. Brian Dixon lists ten rejected Kool-Aid flavors.
Creator
An entity primarily responsible for making the resource
Stacey Greenberg, Jeff Gadomski, Chris Brown, Pat Garrett, Mike Augspurger, Charles Schafer, Brian Dixon, Dipak Ghosh, Julie Meiman
Source
A related resource from which the described resource is derived
Dlynx
Publisher
An entity responsible for making the resource available
Memphis, Tenn. : Rhodes College Archives and Special Collections
Rights
Information about rights held in and over the resource
Rhodes College owns the rights to the archival digital objects in this collection. Objects are made available for educational use only and may not be used for any non-educational or commercial purpose. Approved educational uses include private research and scholarship, teaching, and student projects. For additional information please contact archives@rhodes.edu. Fees may apply.
Format
The file format, physical medium, or dimensions of the resource
PDF
The Rat's Ass
-
http://archives.rhodes.edu/files/original/29c4a2deff9c4ad7cf00da91a3c5c752.pdf
bf8716168a88713ecee90830e4631757
PDF Text
Text
'•
A Dialogue
Angry Reader:
I FIND THE RAT's Ass™
FRIVILOUS, OB.JECTIONABLE AND OBSCENE .
WHY DO YOU FORCE ME TO READ
11?
Rat's Ass™ Spokesperson: First of all it
is very difficult for the composers of
the Rat's Ass™ to acknowledge the
existence of other people, much less
attach any importance to their
opinions. Those we do acknowledge
we see as purely for our
entertainment, and take great
pleasure inwatching them squirm.
As a matter of fact I feel as if
I'm engaging in a conversation with
myself right now. Your own
weakness forces you to read it. We
have ceased hiring thugs to increase
our circulation, although it is
commonly brought up in the
meetings of our cabal.
A
BEAUTY!
c!lra.1/
A.R.:
l'M SPEAKING TO A PERVERTED BUTT-
PIRATE WHO IS FOND OF LITTLE BOYS!
Narrator: The Angry Reader is reduced
to Nothingness, and restored as a
donkey testicle with a slightly angrier
voice.
A.D.T.:
<MUFFLED> WHAT'S YOUR
PROBLEM? I'M NOW ENCLOSED IN A
A.R.:
BUT WHAT OF JOURNALISTIC
SCROTUM!
RESPONIBILITY TO THE COMMUNITY?
R.A.™S.P.: Are you not listening? We
don't recognize Community as an
operative concept. Especially not
capitalized. Our responsibility is to
the Rat's Ass™, except some of us,
who place their dedication in deitites
of our own creation.
R.A. ™S.P.: You are asking about my
concern for your opinions? I can take
you more seriously in your current
form.
A.D.T.:
I OB.JECT TO YOUR USE OF THE
ADVERTISEMENTS FROM Goo-FEARING
TIMES, TO YOUR AVANT-GARDE
TYPOGRAPHY, AND TO THE PORNOGRAPHY
A.R.:
WHAT'S WITH ALL THIS NEGATIVE CRAP
ABOUT Goo?
IT'S OBVIOUSLY .JUST A
BUNCH OF SHIT.
CONTAINED IN YOUR PUBLICATION.
IT'S
KIND OF NICE IN HERE.
WE ALL KNOW THE
TRUTH.
R.A.™S.P.: Blasphemous Bastard. Are
you aware to whom you are
speaking?
Narrator: Rat's Ass™ Spokesperson
giggles at the squirming sack, and
destro s it a ain.
GO!!
�WHAT TH£ SCIENTISTS HAVE
A Response To Red·emption - hy: chris hrown
For (the son
<1f) 111<11111111.1 he
·1
TO~ .
Sheepish Logarhythm
slain
by Stay Joviall
S11LL Loo King 4 a savior - save your (asS)
Rhythm: metrical movement or flow
as detennined by the recurrence of
features of the same kind fr. L
rhythmus or F. rhythme -Gr.
rhuthm6s, rel. to rhein flow. (_
it is so easy to criticize a stranger: a nigger, a jaw, an addict.
ReCkLEss Youth : LoSTsOUL
GOGOGOGOGOGOGOGOGO!
THe knowledge <faged hones they know not (sigh)
The following excerpt from Gregor Samsa's
journal is to be used for our next class
1 meeting as a paradigm of Animistic Butter
Fluttonizationism. Please come to class
• ..._~ prepared to discuss the sex, gender, and
object choice implications of a functiona l
and a p riori deconstructive reading of this
text in Sanskrit.
"Tching prayed on the mountain and
wrote MAKE IT NEW
on his bathtub.
Day by day make it new
cut underbrush
pile the logs '
keep it growing."
-Ezra Pound, Cantos #53
Will you let
me be
YouR saViOuR?
Fill you with (a) LI {F} E ..
L.L.I
Q..
GOGOGOGOGOGOGOG
OGOGO!
c:::> I
::C
Maybe it was my fault. I mean, I was the one that got
.- ~p and put on all black. l pulled my hair up into a bun
~
antj put o n my most serious face before I stepped out
c:::> of the house. I suppose, though, that my first
encounter with small Japanese children has since
shaped my later encounters ...some warped kiddie
hermeneutic. Akiko-chan, my ho st-sister's friend,
came to the house for the sole purpose of viewing me.
Herro ... Look at her hair ' And her while ski11. Gosh,
she really is a gaiji11. Listen to her ji11111y
accent... make her sc~v more ...That was manageable
because Akiko-chan was so cute. Then her three yearold sister peered ·around the corner to see me. She
c:::C flattened herself against the far wall and edged
towards me. I smiled and she wailed . I felt like
Medusa. She cried for ten minutes, unable to leave the
room o r listen to her mother, who also came to view
me, as she tried to give her a cookie and quiet her I
couldn't leave the room, because I would have scared
her to death had I moved an inch. So I sat at the table,
miserable, because I caused the nervous breakdown of
a small child.
As you read these words
'
my existence is propelled.
CAN
GOGOGOGOGOGOGOGOGOGO!
oWN
you
go gou pt. went, pp.gone twalk·
move along, proceed. OE.gan, pr~.
ga,gcest, pl.gap, ppgegan + OFris.
gan, gen, pres. 3sgget(h),geith, pp.
gen, OS. -gan, inful/gan accomplish
(Du.gaan), OHGgan pres.gam,
gas, gat, games, gat, gant, andgen,
pres. f!em, ges, etc. (Ggehen), CrimGothicgeen (not in the Gothic of
?
Wulfila).
GOGOGOGOGOGOGOG
OGOGO!
taff Box
Jay Witherspoon: soap
Ann Mccranie: towel
Dave Sears: toothpaste
Chris Brown: shaving cream
Martin Fox: razor
Stay Joviall: water
The Rat's Ass is a student-produced
publication planted among the many
others on this campus by unseemly
and manipulative powers greater than
all of us. There are no restrictions
on what is published, and should
you be offended by its contents,
take issue with the staff and anticipate certain morphological/animalislic transformations occurring.
Have a nice day.
9l&ll
AGENTS,COME and EXA~flNl~
I
An Invent!on urgently ne_ded by every body, or sample•
e
eent free by mail for 50 els., which retail• for $G ea•lly, by
R. L. WOLCOTT, No. 170 Chatham &1unre, N. Y. .
Then came the hordes of little children that I passed
everyday. They all wear the cutest little unifom1s, but
don't let anybody tell you that uniforms create a wellbehaved child. As I sat down one day in the park
reading an assignment, two little girls approached me
and pulled at my hair. They were obviously not
frightened. I turned around and after a moment's
hesitation, ate them both They were quite tasty, but I
would say that in picking out small children, footwea r
should be given the utmo st attention
eE~\!;~~~
�~~
~m:ms:Elf~@
~~s0~12s1rrilit:~sAl.Ulu1~1irooMS.STl,CiN1 '
M1m~l~sNEEDts_~
~~~Jl~~'t:O'v.HCll
::::::~
H""' <1 :Llv. CllS
(.il::CIRCL&~~~I
H~ r~11~~~501WA1U ({/y.1SAi-lcPtJ§E's'D
~~nlllfrr¥FUL_.GOOD!O~~PAl!t ·1 °•.(l<~
:Zs•ri ;,-I3.WeSTBltu oKfr.-~ °.;,
<-"7:!';<
0
~
"-'-'·frit~cbllCG.Sililll
1 01
tJ,., ' 'J\,U'
Subscribe for GO Sanitary Commission Pack~s, and
get 1 No. 6 American Album Watch Free. Total, $15.
100 Pacbgcs, $25-1No.10 A. A. Wa;ch and 50 Phot0graphs Free. Every Package con;a1ns ~O Rare Cnrio•itios of Art, nsefal to all, and mil ea81ly pay 500
p•ir cent.- to Agents. Eve.r y Soldier, Patriot, Lady, or
s-..,nin ncor ono anm Ono Package, 25 cents, sent
ls
p 0 ,t-paitl hy R~t.nru Mail. Sond Stamp for Oal~!ogno.
_ B. WESTBROOK &
J,
100 Spring-St., N. Y•.
po.,
Fat Boy Feigns ti!.'liet in the Humor of Absurdity:
A Pen;onohty Te<! •
by Jay Witherspoon
9
What type ot personality do you have?
Tdon't know.
b) Ask my genetalia.
c) Get ott my case, you sack of ... (caustic slur ot
choice)!!!
d) IJoo-doo balls.
e) Youtl'llme.
a)
What does the word ;;undulate" remind you of?
a) Mom.
b) Hey, look!! I formed a tent-like structure in my
pants!!
c) Smegma.
What would you do in the event of thermonuclear war?
a) Stock up on creamed corn. I love creamed com.
b) Get wasted.
c) Dt·creasP in mass.
d) NUfHING.
e) Phlegm.
What do you bt·lieve to be the worst problem
with tht• world today?
a) I just can't get close to someone when they
smel I.
b) I cannot reconcile my belief in a benevolent,
omnipotent Creator with my longing for the
carnal pleasures of creamed com.
c) Everyone in the world should be more like me.
d) Undulation.
e) My sack is caught in my zipper!!l!!i!!!!!
What articles are in your pockets right now?
I lw elixir of everlasting orgasm and about
thirty-seven cents in change.
b) My booger collection.
c) Hey, my Rocket's in there!
J) You think I carry a newspaper around in my
pants?
l') Why don' t you come over here and find out?
<1)
i
~ ·~
J~i~
•.
' li A~.
··ti
CQ11
..
What is your favorite name for excrement?
a) Mom.
b) Brown creamed corn.
c) This question.
d) Television.
e) I allow my teces to name themselves.
1 think you are nice. Do you like me, too?
a) Eat my brown creamed com, spunky.
b) You do have a superb foreskin.
c) Is this a trick question, huh? What do you
want from me, freak?
What do you think about the following poem?
Hmmm
Ahhhh
I like to
run my fingers
through the gauntlet
that is my crotch.
And speak to him
in perfect Italiano.
a) Would someone mind telling me what the
hell is going on?
b) It is a childish attempt at humor, and the
author should attempt to gain some sort of
literary ability before he insults my
intelligence again.
c) HaHaHaHa. He's talking to his pecker!!
RESULTS:
You are weird.
�
Dublin Core
The Dublin Core metadata element set is common to all Omeka records, including items, files, and collections. For more information see, http://dublincore.org/documents/dces/.
Type
The nature or genre of the resource
Newspaper
Title
A name given to the resource
The Rat's Ass, September 8, 1995, Volume 04, Issue 04
Subject
The topic of the resource
Newspapers, Publications, Satires, Zines, 1995 Fall
Description
An account of the resource
This issue of The Rat's ass dates from September 08, 1995. The front page of this issue features a debate between an angry reader named 'Angry Reader' and the Rat's Ass Spokesman names 'Rat's Ass Spokesperson.' Stay Joviall tells us 'What The Scientists Have To Say.' On the last page Jay Witherspoon talks about the Humor of Absurdity.
Creator
An entity primarily responsible for making the resource
Stay Javiall, Ann McCranie, Jhay Witherspoon
Publisher
An entity responsible for making the resource available
Memphis, Tenn. : Rhodes College Archives and Special Collections
Rights
Information about rights held in and over the resource
Rhodes College owns the rights to the archival digital objects in this collection. Objects are made available for educational use only and may not be used for any non-educational or commercial purpose. Approved educational uses include private research and scholarship, teaching, and student projects. For additional information please contact archives@rhodes.edu. Fees may apply.
Format
The file format, physical medium, or dimensions of the resource
PDF
The Rat's Ass
-
http://archives.rhodes.edu/files/original/eb3d0e130196672276fbe255f0427bc4.pdf
04af5a3e4b140d1ae3a575d49d43a7e0
PDF Text
Text
which declare that things
our sensory organs are
totally incapable of
reg~stering are things
~h1ch do not exist; that
1. The New Way has
1s, t~e New Way is
written its manifesto in a agamst assuming that we
language which does not
are equipped with
utilize prepositionallvsensory organs which in
circumscribedspatiality
prin~iple can perceive al I
(e.g~ , "what's going
that 1s perceivable.
on?", "what's it all
9. The New Way is in
about?").
favor ?f HappySoft
2. The New Way
Sunshme Love Bunnies
endorses products which
and the violence at the
were not produced and
core of even the most
are uncomsumable; the
gentle child.
New Way is not against
10. The New Way
and not for consumer
supports novel octaves
reaction against the mass of Orange and dark
production of Truth and
imbroglios of Purple.
Reality.
11. The New Way is in
3. The New Way
favor of redefining the
encourages apprehending word "definition."
Reality like a felon and
12. The New Way
doing so in a
'
re~nds us that the High
conceptual/linguistic
Pnest of Poetry is Miles
framework which
Davis, and that Ham/et
operates primarily in the
was written by a finite
square root of the 5th
number of monkeys.
dimension and the -2nd
dimension, rather than in 13. Th~ New Way's
mantra 1s not "GO!", but
the usual three.
rather "go ... ".
4 ·The New Way is
better than the Old Way.
5. The New Way is
radically opposed to
conceptually subsuming
the idea of "thouoht"
under the idea 0 {
"I anguage."
6 ·The New Way is in
favor of transcending
both subjectivity and
objectivity; the New Way
o_ poses all apparent
p
epistemological limits
which are a function of
arbitrarily predicated
rationalities.
7 ·The New Way is a
way for the people.
._
~·The New Way resists' · .
mterpretations of Reality ;:~' .
The Knew Weigh
by Stay Jov iall
~$1\tf.il~)~"~~
�,,JhL
From:
To:
CC:
Subj:
RHODES: : LOGTB
STOBJ
Tooty Fruity
~o experience with metaphorically eating a banana i
the other night, and
wa~ kind of stumped, s~ i
even in my dream i could
tried rubbing it against my
tell it wasn't a normal
ear and jumping on it but
dream. ·it was an allegory.
t<? no avail · then th~ banana
i knew because I am still
sighed and murmured "he'll
getting flashbacks from
never get it." well, i was
taught never to let a banana
A Pilgrim's Progress.
Anyway, in this dream i
~e condescending to me, so
was really hungry, and
i walk~d over to some guy
had been for a long time.
conveniently placed in the
then i opened my backpack
c<?rn~r of my dream and asked
and inside was a banana,
him if he wanted to buy the
filling the dark interior
Banana of Enlightenment
with an almost glistening
he said sure, but that he
yellow. i was going to
only had 15 cents. i took the
think, 'you know, bananas
money and handed him the
shouldn't be this bright,'
banana, and then went to a
but couldn't because it
g7ocery store that have those
wasn't really significant
little machines in the front
to the allegory, so instead and bought myself a really
i thought, 'wow, i've been
colorful hi-bounce ball and
carrying this around the
an adorable plastic ring.
whole time and didn' t even
they make me happy.
know it!' and then the
but i still think it's .neat
banana spoke to me, which
:hat the s<?urce of all truth
i knew was strange but didn't >resented itself to me in
want to tell the banana that. .he form of a phallic symbol.
tom logue
the banana said "peel me,"
so i did, and all of a sudden
everything was filled with
the purest and brightest
light i had ever seen, nay,
experienced in my life. the
banana looked like it was
golden. i was kind of
freaked out, because i knew
eating gold was bad for you,
but remembered it was just a
dream. and then, before i
could do anything else, the
banana commanded me again:
"eat me." well, what do you
tell a golden banana? i
raised it to my mouth and
it almost screamed "no, no,
you dumbass! that was meant
metaphorically, remember this
is an ALLEGORY. " well, having
...,~
IMHO all networds are
stupid. A netword is a word
frequently used in Internet
lingo. Nctword is a
netword, and I hate
networds. Other words that
I don't care to mention. Likt.
Internet, WWW, cyber-,
netiquette. FYI, I work on
the Internet everyday ; ) I
know networds, I know
nctiquette. I hate it. HAVE
YOU EVER BEEN FLAMED
BY SOMEBODY WHO
UI'
llY TllE
~
1I
·
~~~'~~:~:~::~::~ion Age, ~~
E N l·..\I Y
" Ahhh!, what a
pleasant afternoon!", thought
Ed to himself. A wonderfully
refreshing breeze would slide
by every now and then as he
strolled boldly along the
highway leading to the local
bar. He was conducting
conversation with himself as he
usually did when he was alone.
It provided him with what he
referred to as 'stable
feedback' . His therapist tried
upon many occasions to
convince him that he had
multiple personalities but he
insisted that he had only one
personality containing two
distinct perspectives. He
found this extremely
convenient because he could
always consult himself for
another viewpoi nt. His steps
were firm and deliberate, for
he was ovenvhelmcd with
confidence as he made his way
'
to The Pleen(the local bar).
Sometimes he would give
himself poor advice but
, ,.- ·
noticed that it worked in cycles
, I
and that good advice was
--" '· . \
certain to follow these periods.
/
\ '··1,,
Yesterday he was in his private
;
lab when he got the glorious
I
idea to rid himself of that
/
horridly annoying step-son of /
his. He whipped up a lethal
/
substance that would be close i
to impossible to trace. After ( · )
consulting himself he spik~ \ , ________/
the glass which he had decided
his step-son would sure to
drink from but to his surprise
it was his wife who consumed
it and croaked shortly after. It
was terribly unfo11unate, he
killed his wife and still had to
deal with that insane little
bastard. It was quite possibly
the worst decision he had ever
made. Looking on the
positive side of l~lC !nci~e~1t, he
was incapable ot n11sgu1dmg
himself today. So he pedalled
/
-
NETWORDS WON'T GET.
,
The info b a h n h as enough of
that as it is.
l·.f\;l ·. :\ llE S S ll ,\1.1. NOT LEAVE IN TllEE ONE sruNE Ul'ON A NOTllE!t" : E TllEl.l.IEl(S CllUHClf , HI.OWN
·~
THINKS THEY ARE
COOLER THAN YOU
BECAUSE THEY SPEND
ALL THEIR TIME SITTING
IN FRONT OF A
1 ~
·
COMPUTER LIKE I DO,
·~
,_,
AND THAT GIVES THEM
....
THE RIG HT TO SCREAM
~
AT YOU BECAUSE THEY
KNOW MORE ABOUT
NETIQUETTE? DO YOU
FEEL LIKE I'M
SCREAMING AT YOU
RIGHT NOW? ACTUALLY
l'M JUST WRITING. If you
ever decide to start your
own Internet consulting
firm, Web design firm, or
"'~
access provider please, as ~. . , _t_i,,:,i~.l,j
<
1...... . .....~1
most people seem inclined \'ih<:;/Bv
futuristic-sounding made-up
word like cyberlink,
netscape or vantck 8 ( And
if you ever develop a FAQ
for people to learn
something, don't call it a
FAQ (FGS - that stands for
For God's Sake, and I just
made it a netword : )THE
BOTTOM LINE IS, IF YOU
KNOW NETWORDS (AS
EVERYONE SHOULD)
DON'T USE THEM TO SAY
. THINGS NOBODY WHO
DOESN'T KNOW
T lll N E
by Dave Sears
NO NETWORDS. KNOW NETWC :'DS
by ross gohlke
more story at a lower price! see inside for details!
! was having a dream
lumsell along, watclung the
cars increase in speed as they
.
.approached J1im. In the
distance he could sec a human
or something stretched across
the ground. He pedalled faster
lo satisfy his curiosity. A
teenage boy lie on the ground
exhibiting some very odd
behavior. His body alternated
between catatonic episodes and
inch worm like movements.
Ed was bafl1ed at this sight and
began to speak with himself
about this display.
"This is rather peculiar, what
do you make of this here
Pecauw
"Pickin' up hitchhikers" 14-0CT-1995 07:46:23.01
·,
; ..
.
'/
'
.'
·!
.··
)
.,·
i ..·' '
....
.'
/
/
/
scene. So he continued hi ~
walk to gel a beer which he
needed more than ever nm\
was still about 15 minutes
away by ftx)L He spoke wi ,
himself some more to pass 1
time more quickly.
"What was wrong with that
lad. That crazy bastard wa ~
yanking his body apart."
"I would assume that he wa
111 a bad mood or somclhin:
"WIIAT!! That was a little
more extreme than a bad
mood. fic' s probahly back
there ripping the rest of
Lad."
himself lo pieces."
'Tm not sure I know what
1-Ie was abou{ to pass a little
your talking about."
residential area that didn't
"Arc you not aware of this lad look inviting. Again to his
here before us doing crazy
surprise a nice gentlemen
things with his body?"
approached him .
"I don't see a boy before us" "Whazup bro? "
The boy then began to foam
The man lhrOw his hand out
heavily from the mouth and
for a little friendly shake. 01
proceeded to rip his fingers.
side of his jacket opened
off one by one. He threw Ins slightly so that Ed noticed
fingers at Ed's face landing
some gold watches and a bag,
one right in his ear. The
of sugar.
exposed knuckle tic*d the
"Say mayne, you'awnt need
inside of his ear and sent a
keep better track yourself, ol,
chill throughout his body.
boy here take care ya"
"Alright, you've got a serious ''I'm not certain what your
fucking problem if you don't asking me."
feel this dismembered finger
"I hear ya bro, looking for ;;
in our ear"
little pecauw"
"Actually I was kidding with The meu whipped out the
you. I noticed this boy on the plastic bag of sugar. Ed
ground all along. I didn't
thought to himself, "Am I
expect him to start flinging his running low on sugar? I
fingers at us though."
wonder if this fellow is .
The boy had exhausted his
offering a good deal."
supply of fingers on his left
A police officer was driving
hand and moved on to his
by, stopped, cuffed the man
toes. Ed realized it was
and hauled him off before b
probably time to exit the
could even find out how mut
he was charging.
"That's really unfortunate, I
guess its illegal tu sell sugar
without a proper license, wlwi
do you think"
"I think your a moron. Thai
man was not selling sugar"
He ignored himself for the n:
of the journey. All he really
wanted at this point was to ha
a beer but unfortunately the
bar was closed by the time he
got there .
He began to walk back only 1
realize that his imagination IL
gotten the best of him today.
He had been sitting on his
couch all along planning a tri
to the bar.
�Unrelated Titl e:
Everything is Related
TO GOTO HELL
by Jay-baby Withe rsp oon
Do nothin~! .You 've already done enough! "For the
wages of sm is death ;" Romans 6 :23a .
As I walke d down the street, I noticed something at my feet. I 1irst
looked around, and then back down. It was furry and cute, and nestled right
up to my boot, until I squashed its cute little furry face with my big-ass steeltoed boot, and mashed it with my heel a little more to make sure that every
last rhyme oozed out of its fluffy little cute furry face, and then I picked it up
and ate it just to spite its memory. It tasted cute.
And then, as I stepped around the next corner, which a few days
earlier, unbeknownst to the reader of this sentence or the coroner's office
around a different corner, had been the location of swirling winds, I spied
with an acute eye, trained through years of imaginary wanderings through
the hallowed temples of nonsensical clauses, and still quite unbeknownst to
the coroner's office, a sight which called forth in my mind, most hallowed in
its hallowing of frightening experiences, oh dear God, I am afraid of this
sentence, a beast not nearly so calm and cuddly as the afore-mentioned,
which now being quite squashed into a pulp whose uneaten parts remains
untouched to this day in the office of our hallowed coroner, who still does
not know his own sphincter from a black hole, but a beast with a frightful
gown of black and a flat hat and large teeth and wide mouth, staring straight
into my eyes, looking for its next witless victim. But I busted his shit up, too.
Whap! Poweel I said. Blom! and Kershmack! And I took my big-ass boot
and, with but a few concise motions, knocked every blooming clause out of
him. He tasted like rhetoric.
I moved onward, my steps ringing in my ears like so many clanks of
life's lonely bell, taking me into the dark unknown of my future. When I saw
the third and last beast (for now), with eyes through which one could see the
very brink of eternity, fear stole across my frame and danced a jig across my . spine. But I rose to the challenge with the determination of a young chick
hatchling, shoving back the protective shell of innocence to faco a bright
world whose slings and arrows might find their mark on my soul, but only to
scar my tender skin and make it stronger. Or, suffice it to say I also kicked
his ass. I crammed my big-ass continent of a boot right into his puny little
mouth and watched pathetic cliched poetry fly from his bloodied lips. He
tasted like a can of gooey worms.
MTICLE
_
turtl!1~o::x~ ~~~=:~.p:h::~:p:Yo}~~:~o~~~:~t; ~;~ t:Je~~; :~;~· £1fS?~i~~~t.~ ~\'
my
love, my boot love, my croon of - - my sounds. So kick 1t on down to the
..;
. ·
sound mound, a round mound of sound, and bound around. I'm down with
·~·
sound, and use it for my own pleasure and purposes. Porpoises spit, flom
bip, flap crip, but always sit shimmy.
The preceding sounds and subsequent thought undulations were
brought to you through a bitchin' assembly and cooperation of millions of
tiny neurons and corpuscles. Hope your own chemical/electrical reaction
was a good on~~
:.;:~-', _~~~~,0~~
..... ·
\
\
·~~
'J
~
An artist's conception of the vertical-rising, disc-shaped aircraft
being developed by the U .S. Air force and resembling the
popular conception ot the " flying saucer."
Staph Box:
~
·
W
THE RAT's Ass™
'"
itherspoon - spoon
p
IS A PHOUNDATIONAL
tom logue - moon
o:~::HORESCENCE OF PHUNKT!ONALLy
. .
NKED PHONDNEss PH
ta yJOVla II - h diddle diddle
s
ey
AlT
.
AILURE TO
;--:
' maft otixrn -cat
RI BUTE THE OPINIONS EXPRESSED
.~
HEREIN SOLELY TO THEIR AUTI;
i'~l
dave Sears - fiddle
RESULT IN A
ORS WILL t)~i
t..
PHALLACY OF PHENOMEN
!ri;(!
ross go hi 1\1: - cow
PHREQUENCY AND PHOR...
AL Jiff~
h. b
,., O/oo
?i;•I•;.
c ns rown-knife .
~~~~?~~~~~:~li
.. -----'-·-- -·--·-....'~i?!l..~= ~::..... .. . ·- .· - ..-,,.-·=-o~·""'=-'~."~'··~·"·=·~:7::~:.."::::=:io:=.:•:• 20:
Jr...
' 111:y
�
Dublin Core
The Dublin Core metadata element set is common to all Omeka records, including items, files, and collections. For more information see, http://dublincore.org/documents/dces/.
Type
The nature or genre of the resource
Newspaper
Title
A name given to the resource
The Rat's Ass, October 22, 1995, Volume 04, Issue 10
Subject
The topic of the resource
Newspapers, Publications, Satires, Zines, 1995 Fall
Description
An account of the resource
This issue of The Rat's ass dates from October 22, 1995. This issue of the Rat's Ass had "Please Don't Laugh" written on it. The front page has Stay Joviall giving a list of "The New Way." Dave Sears talks about Pecauw. On the last page Jhay Witherspoon tells us how "Everything is Related."
Creator
An entity primarily responsible for making the resource
Stay Joviall, Dave Sears, Ross Gohlke, Jhay Witherspoon
Source
A related resource from which the described resource is derived
Dlynx
Publisher
An entity responsible for making the resource available
Memphis, Tenn. : Rhodes College Archives and Special Collections
Rights
Information about rights held in and over the resource
Rhodes College owns the rights to the archival digital objects in this collection. Objects are made available for educational use only and may not be used for any non-educational or commercial purpose. Approved educational uses include private research and scholarship, teaching, and student projects. For additional information please contact archives@rhodes.edu. Fees may apply.
Format
The file format, physical medium, or dimensions of the resource
PDF
The Rat's Ass
-
http://archives.rhodes.edu/files/original/c593064b70066de23930722b9eb6bcde.pdf
780bf26b85c9e43b1e1ca9fe7da9f856
PDF Text
Text
Reality Ill: Narrative of a narrative narratology Jl'/uinstrudil'll
building. Iola Jessop ragtime escalates. l3ou11ting values, lwisb
and darkness. Pushing inlo. Trcadc. Streams of lrcack.
Reality #2: I'm nol quite sure what is going on, bul there is this
gooey bump on my nose.
(enter 111idu.1ives in Lradiliunal 'l'aliilia11 reasanl gar fl, wlw Ul~I
rose petals 011 tile page and stage, and walk in ullt' a11ul/1e1 's url1il
like a sidaeal square da11ce)
Minorcalily II l.3: Whal lhe fm:k? I thought this wus the WVl'r
article. Say, who's writing this? Anu who arc you, anyway?
Surculily #1.4: orange cronmgma haughty flagellum grawling
vou11l pruuucn
Reality #1: Trcudc. GoJJamn. the lrcudl'. Opt·ralivl'
Jiversilies gdls in gu.11 polarity freeze gantry whiskstops gaunt
upgraues. treadl' welli11g oul of the earth.
Reality #2: Shaz.bul! I should have known it all along, you guys
arc WEIRD. Why JiJn'l you just say so in the first place? treacle
my inner thigh, guys. yuu slill shoulJn'l go arounJ slapping
boogcrs on other people/ s faces.
(exe1111L # 2, enter dogged arteries and ln·m l disease)
Minoreality 111.3 type B: Wlrnt's lrcadc?
Nonrealily:
Mirco-sur/supcr co11lroleJ/mcJia rcLllily lll " (<>.33333 repealing:
being vs. 11011-bcing? Is there nothing or lite liJtk of nothing? SenJ
answers care of RAT's ASS. Thankyou for you support.
llDIDIH
�The Rat's Assn• is a meager
attempt by your peers to do something creatiue and stimulating
instead of consumptiue and riddled
with not goingness. Into which
catagory do most of your personal
actiuities fall? This pseudo-publication
has no ties with R11odes College,
so if you take offense at the contents,
take it up with the author, and
·reassess your personal ualues/
they
theY
His breath comes in white plumes beneathe the street lamp,
hands buried deep in coat pockets,
stepping back and forth pensively, but not pacingThe other man approaches wordless,
extends a package while accepting a wad,
departs with a curt nod of coal eyes
The first man returns to his flat with the package
examines the contents on a stained coffee table:
Two men and a deck of cards.
The first man steps back and forth pensively,
hands buried deep in coat pockets,
breath coming in white plumes beneathe the street lamp.
The other man approaches wordless,
extends a package . ..
�.,
3
.
-r Nl. l
;.~
;
Long Greeri Excalibur Raised
Lincoln Contine
by Jayzus Wilherfunk
Okay. That's it. I am going to start
kicking ass.
Those of you who know me know that I
can kick some ass, and ass·ldcldng will be an
endeavor which I am soon going to belabor.
Because I am pisscJ.
Those of you who arc acc.1uainlcJ wilh my
habils anJ pcrsonalily arc t1uilc aware of ils
explosive and l[Uile Jaunling charaderislics. You
know lhal I can be one pissed-off molherfucker,
and this time they have simply gone too far.
They have, those personality-less, buttsucking, thought-vacuumed sons of bitches,
actually mustered up the audacity, the pubescent,
match-stick humored gall, to ... no, you won't
even believe if I tell you. I mean I am PISSED
: OFFiii!! Anger Is seeping oul of my pores like a
· lhick slab of lasagna rage cooking in my belly,
and I can'l move wilhoul stirring up lhe smell of
il. IL clings lo my flesh like a cocoon.
And anyone who has seen a cocoon knows
that it's tough shit if you're in a cocoon and you
don't have the welders equipment necessary to
; penetrate its bonds. That's how pissed off I am
right now. It's all around me. I could rip out my
own tongue and throw it at my dog. My dog's
still happy. Baslard.
So lhese mulalion·induced freaks of
humanity, I don'l really know lhem (lhey mighl
· . __ ,-' •. ,--_..-."""••"":m:;; -1 be walching me righl now), but Lhey decide Lhal,
___ ,1-, . .,_, ..} ··:-:::~,~~;;i
....
.
··~·\:($·.·~'·ti.(;>·;;±~. :-.. •. \' _ .~ .. .;
:
:&:ii1~,r,_--;h·. Y · · .·- ..~" oul of all lhe olher human beings on lhe planel
.. - (including richer and beller•looking people), I
was the BEST PROSPECT they could come up
with. That's how audaciously inundated with
audacity these people have always been. They're
just twerpy little chunks of goo in a stranger's
- vomit.
And right now I, loo, could really blow
some chow because I AM PISSED!! My entire
system is a swirling swalh of ire spiraling toward
revenge. I am going lo starl kicking ass. Heard il
· , laere first, kids. Dr. Dealh is on the prowl and
nobody is safe but the squirrels because they're
hard to catch. That's it and that's lhal.
AND
TlH\T'S
THAT.
'
I
I
�
Dublin Core
The Dublin Core metadata element set is common to all Omeka records, including items, files, and collections. For more information see, http://dublincore.org/documents/dces/.
Type
The nature or genre of the resource
Newpaper
Title
A name given to the resource
The Rat's Ass, January 26, 1996, Volume 04, Issue 17
Subject
The topic of the resource
Newspapers, Publications, Satires, Zines, 1996 winter
Description
An account of the resource
This issue of The Rat's ass dates from January 26, 1996. This Rat's Ass was called the 'That Special Issue." The front page features a Cover Story that depicts our realities. Stay Joviall brings up a deal. The last page has Jhay Witherspoon brinig up how he can kick some ass.
Creator
An entity primarily responsible for making the resource
Stay Joviall, Jhay Witherspoon, Chris Brown, Martin Fox, Kevin Mathews
Publisher
An entity responsible for making the resource available
Memphis, Tenn. : Rhodes College Archives and Special Collections
Rights
Information about rights held in and over the resource
Rhodes College owns the rights to the archival digital objects in this collection. Objects are made available for educational use only and may not be used for any non-educational or commercial purpose. Approved educational uses include private research and scholarship, teaching, and student projects. For additional information please contact archives@rhodes.edu. Fees may apply.
Format
The file format, physical medium, or dimensions of the resource
PDF
The Rat's Ass
-
http://archives.rhodes.edu/files/original/8f88801052032e4de3ce2c20a0834fb0.pdf
6df61a952a4780e852fe81d8746a01e3
PDF Text
Text
I I
I
_f
'
-
1-I
'~
•·v
:
'•
Ji·
-
I
lt'S
mm
'-
-
-
;
'
di
;: ~
~
-
'1I c"
\
•I,
~
\an
l\lly l:la\kU
Cephalization
lnside -your mind \urks
lhc \abyrinlh coral caves
eX\)\ore the dcvine
·1> )1 •' ~~ raph ic ;1I
1
/II)
·
.tvlany schismatic
seizures and a juicy pile
..........._~ ol shcnarnµ..11 1..
:
.
up 111 hv reci pe
how mcm1 vc ni cn f
�Can't Get No 'Trane:
~
t.~;~ ...~
~~
..
' 'I
.
~-
Staph Bachs
Stay Joviall
Super-retro-d'ir
Xaft Minor
David Sears
Styx
Jay Witherfunk
"I
didn't
by
Jay
come
A Moment in the Life.
Li Po
no
monkey I "
Witherfunk
do·:
.. :
{
~ So~'ione
once said that _
the world
~J.11 al~Ji.¥~: have more dumb ~Jople~ t.han
"'Bmart,,~~P.,~~, but I say that the smart
peop~')tf~l eventually fig4re o~~ a . ~ay to
mak~~~~k dumb people's ignorance .
irrelevant.
So you, and you know who you are,
didn't come from a monkey. That's fine
and good. So the world is only ten
thousand yfi!a,~\l\~t9'l.d. ~ Whatever you say.
Scientis\~are bias~d because if the good
people o~ the world ·~new that the history
of the earth was incapsulated in one book
(THE Book)/·~h~f.1 .they [the sci entists]
would go out of business. You know, 't" , ..
that's quite insightful.
I believe you .
I am not mocking
you.
I am ser ious. But could you .,
·"please
just step into this box her e? It na~ been
engineered by scientist s who are
' -.,..:
completely un~u:r;-e . Qf, ¥hat the hell they
are doing. ¥Aft(~.~iitf.I· to put you in it and
shoot you into space, · ~~t you will
probably be all . .r.~~N: ~ ,Qecause you will
eventually hit £he e~ge of t he universe
where God will catch ' you in a big, wellwor n baseball mi tt. Whoosh. I aill not
mocking you.
I
. " --
u~-
I
.
Perhaps tomorrow, perhaps the next
day, someone wi ll show you, p e r haps
someday you'll see with cleaner eyes .
~~
//(/
..."\QT
"Couldn't believe that shit! All those energy
locusts and perp fiends, man..... kk-razy."
Pepe pushed the wire brush in and out of the
barrel of his revolver with contemplative playfulness,
his mouth bunched up to one comer, his eyes
squinty. I lighted a cigarette and studied him
as he cleaned his gun. His tie was loose, twisted
slightly to one side. His dredlocks were pulled
back in a tight pony-tail.
I yawned, took a drag. "The frequencies
were all wrong. If those retro-matrices hadn't
opened on the slipback we could've gotten
: an anti-matter fix and regulated the relocation units."
I finger the remote control for a moment. Miles
was homing the first few bars of hotel from that
French film's soundtrack, so I turned it up.
Pepe shook his head violently. "Fuck that
shit! Naw! Fuck it! rm sick and tired of pulling for
the slack of all them clean-genes. Fuck them!" He
. jerked his wrist and the cylinder hopped into place.
He spun it and pointed at an imaginary target in
,, the distance. "P-kow. Dead."
Those to whom I am directing this
article wilk~·prol-.u~bly not read it. Even
i f they
they 'wlil not be easily
· s\'f~Ye~ • .
..
.
·(·1·.i~'\Ai
.
by stay joviall
Allen Ginsburg
Samuel Taylor Coleridge
e.e. cummings
Edgar Allen Poe
Langston Hughes
from
\
e
't;:;~ ~
-
','' 7
~{ -,
~
'"
I shrugged and changed the topic. "Sensei
~
told me at last Tuesday's Groovitation that
McAlester is getting in two shipments next
Thursday. Bill told me--"
Pepe stood up and cut me off. "Yeh. Coo.
Has Susan given you those C'rravity Innublation seeds?"
He tossed the revolver on the love..seat. '.'That chick
been puttin me off for weeks. ({~ don't get the
seeds soon, we won't be able to harvest in time for
the Holocaust Jam this summer!" He walked to the
window and peeped out the blinds.
I snuffed out my cigarette and shrugged. "Dan
said we couldn't do it anyway. The pH of the Temporal
Agitaion Growing medium we've got just won't cut it."
I rubbed my beard and laughed. "That's okay though ...
I saw this cat last spring give a lecture on this crazy
shit called sideshadowing. It makes a lot more sense now. 11
Pepe turned, and a smile like Voodoo bile crept
up on his lean blackb~autiful face. "Don't tell Jennifer. 11
�The Rat's Ass is yo' mama N
.
Hello. I know your ev
. on-recursive dualities re ur .
.
complaints about come;k~~ve. The Rat's Ass does n~ a~rt~te _rn a '90s sort of way
Ass production. All opinio s. Co~plaints generally distur:t~crate ~x~essive leaka~e, or
ns are mine, and not your's. Avoid t~ equlrbnum nessecary for Fi
e gray material.
Neo-Gcntific Outervicw #495
Sub-species Dogmatogram, Ty1»e A
,. Slarting Point: The leashes of Hies uneatth tinlinabulalory
moking pints. Have you seen the off switch for the
Lntropy Generation Proto-vims?
#number: Target leavetaking towards wastrel-bingo. Hugenols reify ether.
Lax forlilulc forms fumigation. Let's get out of time.
Below the waste products of retro-inductrializ.ation leave hints of proto-retro-anti
legality. Maybe we should eat psychotropics to help the situation. Good-bye to the days
of dream-reality, hello relativity.
Relative to wastrel-bingo hut hinging on psychotropic perspectivism.
Findings: Availability aids in production
2
�
Dublin Core
The Dublin Core metadata element set is common to all Omeka records, including items, files, and collections. For more information see, http://dublincore.org/documents/dces/.
Type
The nature or genre of the resource
Newspaper
Title
A name given to the resource
The Rat's Ass, April 12, 1996, Volume 04, Issue 24
Subject
The topic of the resource
Newspapers, Publications, Satires, Zines, 1996 Spring
Description
An account of the resource
This issue of The Rat's ass dates from April 12, 1996. This issue of the Rat's Ass has a Haiku about our minds. Jhay Witherspoon writes an article about how he didn't come from a monkey, and yes he's completely serious! Stay Joviall follows up with a moment in his life. On the last page is a study on Sub-species Dogmatogram, Type A.
Creator
An entity primarily responsible for making the resource
Stay Joviall, Jhay Witherspoon, David Sears, Xaft Minor, Styx
Source
A related resource from which the described resource is derived
Dlynx
Publisher
An entity responsible for making the resource available
Memphis, Tenn. : Rhodes College Archives and Special Collections
Rights
Information about rights held in and over the resource
Rhodes College owns the rights to the archival digital objects in this collection. Objects are made available for educational use only and may not be used for any non-educational or commercial purpose. Approved educational uses include private research and scholarship, teaching, and student projects. For additional information please contact archives@rhodes.edu. Fees may apply.
Format
The file format, physical medium, or dimensions of the resource
PDF
The Rat's Ass
-
http://archives.rhodes.edu/files/original/d73457246485e262144e7da87755eb2e.pdf
4a8aa550fdb72e5d9039b202e3ad0785
PDF Text
Text
.-
s
•·
.
The Gravity Well
;or --
by stay jov iall
"The problems define him. That is, they put him into
words and explain him. And explanation is a funny thing:
Darwin and the Bible both explain a lot. But this isn't about
God. Or Darwin. It is about the problems, which define
him. It is not that he wrestles with them, angst-ridden and
Byron-like, but that they breathe him into being, with voice;
breath, word, whisper, inflection, tone and timbre ... all
from the lips of the problems. And so his definition is not
written, but spoken, not static, but dynamic and transient: in
considering the logos constituitive of his being, one must
remember that he is the object of this genetive construction ..
.that the definition is not of him, but he is of the definition.
The definition yielded by his problems contains only a
few words, the most significant of which have lengthy
etymologies and are derived from a sidereal language of love
and hate.
The problems which define him also explain him.
Hence the problems think that they have a way to control
him, for with successful theoretical explanation comes the
possibility of prediction, and hence control. He would want
to argue that counterfactuals of freedom lack operative
conceptual validity, and hence their control over him is at best
inductive and at worst illusory. His problems would sit back
and smile at that: "See, you've just proved our point."
What do you think of that, Dr. Joy?" He paused , and
there was a silence in Dr. Joy's office like an airplane taking
off. The pencil Dr. Joy had been turning in his fingers as his
patient spoke crashed to the desk, and his old leather boot
face remained expressionless.
"Zat is a very interesting story." Only a slight vestige
of Bavarian accent, extremely articulate. "Perhaps you have
had flashes of insight, lately or. .. zomething else?"
I paused and lit a cigarette. You looked over the table
at me, the waiter hovered in the background. I watched him
over your shoulder. You thought I was staring at you to
make you uncomfortable. You do feel vague! y
uncomfortable.
You bite your lip for a moment. "What was Dr. Joy
talking about? Are you going to tell me what happened after
that?"
I exhale smoke in your face. "No."
6reafJBst
WITH A HEALTHY
P.5.
.t
Ii
I:
,,
I
'
I
~1
'1
t'
II
~l
ti
Now also
available
in cons
Prepared and distributed by lh•
makers of Mott's apple juice, o pp l" un1r(!
cider, vinegar, and jell i.:•
'
�Ode lo My Eighi O'Ciodt
( iL· 1 1 111 L<1gc11w1111
iviany µoets and bee; ads
Glorify sunrises ior their awe,
;na1esty
But I
Don't like sunrises
Because they are
Too early.
i
' 1( ,; ,) .
~
h
: Ii' ...
' .. ·;,, .' }
~ " k~ .- ·"L
It
"Those who find themselves ridiculous:
Sit down next to me."
Xaft Minor :: Bently (t11e jeffersons)
Jhey Witherfunk : : Jimmy Washington (WBKotter)
Stay Jovial! :: Alex Keaton (family ties)
Gerritt Lagemann :: Jack ritter (3's company)
Dave Sears :: Arnold Drurrimonci (diff'rent strokes)
Mission Statement
THE RAT ' S Ass
IM
1s A PUNCTUATED
EQUILIBRIUM KALIBRATIO~~
INSTRUME~H
DROPPED AMONG THE GEARS AND COGS
OF TEMPORAL METAPHORS ABOUT THE
ETYMOLOGY OF THE EVOLUTION OF THE
ETERNAL
NOW:
AS SUCH IT IS PRODUCED
BY RHODES STUDENTS WHO ARE REPRESENTING NO OPINIONS BUT THEIR OWN.
IF YOU HAVE A PROBLEM WITH AN
ARTICLE, TAKE IT UP WITH ITS AUTHOR.
AND REMEMBER, AS PYNCHON POINTS OUT,
ONE MAY NEVER GET TO TOUCH THE MASTER,
BUT ONE MAY TICKLE HIS CREATURES.
They streak the sky with odd smudges ' b , i:l ·
and rose, but pour he bails of shalt~r , g
white light upon 1ny head.
Out! Out! Damned ligf-it!
~
Foul and ugly, like the chance mi11i~t~r
rainbow from a piece of crystal ;,
Ejected and stapled to my creme-coforei
concrete walls.
Too small! Too yellow! Too insignific
In my mornings of chronic tiredness, jt :· ·
1 1
eyes and smooth inky newsprintr
1
~ ,
You are much too feeble to crack r~y ~r . , 1 ,p'b
bleakness and bring my daily dose qt · !
q
Sunsets, however , are truly the
l1alo .
Brilliant , rich ubiquitous hues
across my evening sky
.
Reflecting its striking salmon pinks , ~~: ,
blue hues and cries off the milky,., Cl9
Truly life's most graceful film.
Lacking in action, perhaps,
nonetheless.
If I am bored with sunsets,
bored with lite.
· i;
the original performance
'ioo.o ' •'
!"
LOOKS LIKE
ll R CA OWING our OF H[A.0
~
.1 J
::. r·• 5 _ - ~
c. i:i o:. • , _.
~ 1111 , · . • i
::i s ~ : ~
:. •. ~ , , .. , • :
r;
; . • 1_-
9~~
I\~
,. .: .• ., ... ... , •• .,
a.
1·7 A
.~..:?
~;:·,·, N:'"•;;:;;;
WIGS
Ju:~~.'.!~
,;2s~ ~~.1~1£ S
JO', Mira c le
Modmylic
\.J'
1299
th•
STY'Lf Yo u ·W.rnt
-
wortnM"nMore
L 'C. ~tf C: S i
;. .;;1E S T
.I . -~.
···PERMA-STYLED WASH & WEAR
NEVER NEEDS SETTING
;
.
·n
r
......'ti:;
.. . .
�~~·· . .
!l:/t; !
~ ' .
-~:(
_
_
_....;-
I, Object
..._
-xaft minor
e) masons
3) Jists
4)4
,,,,....__
.•
·-
. ..
-
j
-
SMILl~G MINER, " ' ilJiam ~'illiams, washes off the c:.oot af
!er st'l 1111g a IH"W British record by tligging 234 t c:., f . ·I·
Ill th<' Wt•e k of D.
13 t 20 Al I
o n, o cna
r· c:.
. ·.
. <c. . 0 · t 1011gh a J1 c ro to 11to!'t En .
1
1 · ~Jiii( "1;'110 \~·~If. S lllYCf for Jack of foe) tfiis winter. he- !'lnl
trou '<'!'. " · 11!1;.ims ca nn ot find a house for his fami l . An I
ie gm·n11mC'11t look ~60 in taxes out of his S1G1l pay ~jlCl'k.
1~3-
5) pinching
6) 666666
7) Numerology
8) Daughdrill
9) Libby
10) Brouhaha
11) God
12) riots
13) ducats
14) fat
15) booty
16) spacestation
17) women's goat room
18) tomorrow
19) operation
20) flame
21) dineophile
22) squirrels
23) coffee
24) cover-up
25) rubbing-out
26) \Wishing-up
27) passing-through
28) 28
29) tree-labels
fly-fishing
sophistry
inversions
<ldministralion
34) iists
42) Rat's Ass
30)
31)
32)
33)
.. ---·. - ·
~~H -
·1) You
2) Rhodes
.
�
Dublin Core
The Dublin Core metadata element set is common to all Omeka records, including items, files, and collections. For more information see, http://dublincore.org/documents/dces/.
Type
The nature or genre of the resource
Newspaper
Title
A name given to the resource
The The Rat's Ass, January 19, 1996, Volume 04, Issue 16
Subject
The topic of the resource
Newspapers, Publication, Satires, Zines, 1996 Winter
Description
An account of the resource
This issue of The Rat's ass dates from January 19, 1996. The front page has Stay Joviall talking about the "Gravity Well." Jhay Witherspoon gives some needed advice while Gerrit Lagemann tells us about his Eight O'clock. On the last page Xaft Minor lists off things to object to.
Creator
An entity primarily responsible for making the resource
Stay Joviall, Jhay Witherspoon, Gerritt Lagemann, Sears Dave, Xaft Minor
Publisher
An entity responsible for making the resource available
Memphis, Tenn. : Rhodes College Archives and Special Collections
Rights
Information about rights held in and over the resource
Rhodes College owns the rights to the archival digital objects in this collection. Objects are made available for educational use only and may not be used for any non-educational or commercial purpose. Approved educational uses include private research and scholarship, teaching, and student projects. For additional information please contact archives@rhodes.edu. Fees may apply.
Format
The file format, physical medium, or dimensions of the resource
PDF
The Rat's Ass
-
http://archives.rhodes.edu/files/original/7e6d95e8615f320f850502a0176c1fcd.pdf
47c911d17217ea1ce29038310523fc37
PDF Text
Text
Fecal Material Saves Lives: Doo your
'I
From:
To:
CC:
Subj:
RHODES: : LOGTB
"Pickin' up hitchhikers"
p~
29-SJ.<...
STOBJ
fisticuffs
Tyson ain't Shit
your friendly neighborhood tom logue
I by
The munnur of the crowd grew to a dull roar as the sound of the bell
pierced the muggy air in the stadium. The fight was on! This was
it, rumored to be the biggest fight of the year, and there were bets
from here to Buenos Aires on it. On the left, Civility, wearing red
shorts and weighing in at 595 pounds. On the right, Morality, in
blue and a trim 340 pounds. They closed in, and Civility rumbled,
"Be nice to that Rhodent! So what if he's annoying and likes to talk
about his SAT scores? Try to see things from his point of view;
maybe he's just feeling insecure." Morality blocked this easily -he had seen it coming a mile away. The response: "But by being nice
to him even though I despise him, I am being untrue to myself, and
since the only truth I know is my own subjective truth, I am conunitting NoTIOK.-Oddo·1L11d·End1ot nm1uN
the worst crime of all!" Civility's head whipped back, a fine spray of · · :· · · ·· ".·:~ · ·· · ··
blood flying from the nose, as the blow almost knocked him to the
,
ground. Collecting his wits, he tried a quick jab: "The only way to
~
get ahead in life is to show respect to others so that they will do the ,
./ ,
same to you." Morality sidestepped, then rushed forward and delivered
~
c:
z
a punch to the stomach, "By respecting everyone on the same level
regardless of their actions, you demean yourself, deceive the other
- ~
c:
person, and denigrate the concept of respect. Like that pompous prof
you always smile and nod to because otherwise he'll fail you." Civility
~
teetered, his torso bright red from the blow and the blood dripping
down from his face, and drew his hands in front of his face in defense.
.
"The bible says to love thy neighbor!" Morality stepped back, dodged
the wild swing, and didn't even bother to respond. It was obvious his
opponent was faltering, and he had some pity. But Civility tried to
continue: "I was taught to be polite, and I'm going to be polite! How
would you like it if everything in life were based on people's actual
opinions of each other? And shouldn't you have some consideration
for the feelings of others, huh, Morality?" The sarcasm in this last
question caused a rush of anger to our blue- clad hero, and he spun
around one last time, lightning- fast, with "I'm just here for a few
years, and i'm useless to myself and everyone else if all i do is bend
to the whims of others. I'm not going to waste my breath being nice
to assholes just to avoid offending them." Morality stood back and
watched Civility spin around in the ring before falling to the ground.
And as the ann of Morality was raised triumphantly into the air, the
Rhodes student walked around with a silly grin on his face, flicking off
everyone who said hi to him.
And he felt good.
•
An~over is better than ·none .when the tall out rams down
=
,...
=
·...
ANYONE
F0~1 · ~
ANYTHING?~
,.,.
�THE RAT' S
Ass,,.
.. -11111.-.---·
Lack
IS A THERAPEUTIC METAPHOR
OF METAMUNICIPAL MATRIMONY HARMONIZED IN
THE INT£REST OF THE GREATEST POSSIBLE GOOD.
by Davicl Scars
OPINIONS AND CRIMINAL BEHAVIOR, OUR SPECIALTIES,
STEM PURELY FROM THE UMBIC SYSTEMS OF
THEIR RESPECTIVE AUTHORS, SO IF YA BY
CHANCE TAKE OFFENSE AT DA KONTEHTS,
SETTLE
rr WITH
THE INDIVIDUAL. AND GET A
LIFE.
\lttaatllf BllOOXX
. JJ Evon•
J 1ney Witherap<>On ' Druuunond
w·11·
s
o"":r·.
lll
l
«i
E
Dove
Lo111ont Sonford.
RAmt s: '
.
C D \g, 1 Tootle
D. • l'4
Geo-rge J e££ereon
To111 Logu~' n .J Hus:to'ble
l t K.101re ' I'Ul y
1' oneJ . ll s Fot Albert
Stoy
I 23·. s.
;;r:f
10
FEELIN' REAL
BY JHEY WITHERSPOON
~·
(I'
1.
'
~ ~·~
·~
CONFINED ·1 .sHErr£f :\ . ·: eriiif
N
.· ' .
·:~·•• ~
!. :1';·1
TRI~ ollT ;·/!. .
DECONTAMINATE
' .. '
·
· ·· · · ·; .. -- · AS FALLOUT COOLS OFF a1 1rad1fahon decr~a!~d
nd
you can safely leave s 1e ter or 1
onge1
LEAVE SHELTER
eriods. Chart is based on fallout that,
wh~n f~sh emits 6,000 roentgens per hour.
•
I
I
Q)
MUST HAVE BEEN A SCREAMING DEE.JAY .
IT IS OFTEN VERY DISORIENTING WHEN MY SENSES GET SWITCHED AROUND AND REWIRED,
BUT BECAUSE I WAS TAUGHT FROM A VERY EARLY AGE THAT EVERY ll-tlNG IS
ALL
RIGHT EVEN IN
STATES OF UTTER CONFUSION, I AM ALWAYS ABLE TO PULL MYSELF TOGETiiER AND GO wm-1
WHAT'S BEEN GIVEN ME,
I TURNED MY HEAD DOWNWARD AND LISTENED TO THE FLAT, RELAXING BASS TiiAT WAS MY
ROOM.
I
TI-lEN TURNED OFF MY ALARM BY LOCATING THE STRONGEST POINT OF LIGHT IN THE
IT WAS A CAR COMMERCIAL :
RED AND ORANGE SPLASHES SMACKING MY RETINAS INTO
CONSUMER SUBMISSION .
AFTER THE INITIAL SHOCK WHICH ALWAYS ACCOMPANIES SENSORY SWITCHING, I DECIDED
.JUST TO EN.JOY TI-lE MUSIC THAT MY BODY MADE ,
Cf)
E'
t
-.J
.-
:'5"
0
~I
c
'>.... :::s
~
I snacl. on the remains as I re~lize
is happening
DANK NOTES AND HARMONIES FILLED MY EARS AND EVEN SPILLED INTO MY ·
OLFACTORY ORGANS, SO TiiAT I SMELLED MY MOTION AND TASTED TiiE TANTALIZING FUNK OF MY
ANATOMY'S GROOVE.
I DECIDED TO SKIP SCHOOL TiiAT DAY .
I WATCHED MUSIC AND HEARD MYSELF FUCKING GET DOWN.
sumptuous shakin and rump bass bumpin toothu light wave wawa
rolling round happy slappin sippin the fly fluid funky GET DOWN
bright night light shinin sweet feet steppin out, damn/ I
swingin hard feelin far, notes slippin drippin off my arm
can't stop body flop singin dreamin 'bout the world
and feel so real. I feel so FEEL/ so I wow down round the sound
to eat up motion mangoes and stare at caca congas
that came to flop top dibby on the flip bap shimmy
blap lam goddam, grip this jimmy.
now sounds found a town round and down spin around.
I found. I sound. I am music.
.
Wi~'1'
.
l
.
.
--
····
wJ1at
NOTfl!ING, lmt it is awefufly pleasant
·Sometimes, he dreams that
he marches, and
in between the locksteps,
daydreams and remembers
scents and touches, soft light
a dripping, and po.Jka-dots
glittering and mask-like
askew glances at ephemera
clattering and reptilian
balanced or serene
wonderment over nothing
the melting of ice, because it fits,
and pieces of someone's hair,
shuttered and lacking
or maybe just in the wav.
o.oe Star Deer
I sceaJ T ·shuts
I like the smell
ot rnurs
ther remind me
when 1· m alone.
Ifell asleeyrhe first time
in a blur o white .
primed words were
jibberish in mydaze,
J
Sometimes, he's eavesd ropped
on towns or docks,
sticky, or sprawHng
imderlining the important bits.
COAGULATE!!!
Sometimes, he'd be magnanimous,
wishing for some old mao
..
or gamepekes worn with use
often shrill, but never unfogged
a has-been, admiring ether
coalesced into invisibility,
and spinning headlong,
heated and wary
supposedly yellow or perhaps white
· a number of forgotten momenta
•weathered loose, rotting
and rarely escaping their targets,
with promise and fortitude
crumbled and delayed
into a heap of smelly metaphor.
U!~iiii\\\\'l•}•··~· ..
We got spirit!
Yes, we do!! We got spirit! How 'bout you!!
Cracked . dry hands
on my forehead .
I cutt' t geuhe Clash
out of mv stereo
or you out of my head .
FEELING MY LIMBS AS I WALKED AROUND TiiE
ROOM WAS SOMETHING LIKE PLAYING RHYTI-lM GUITAR .
THEN I DANCED.
NORMAL LIFE
)on er
THIS MORNING, MY CLOCK RADIO AWAKENED ME Wini A BURST OF INTENSE LIGHT TiiAT
FLOOR .
E
-Ramt Oxinf
ovsA
cj~'* iL :
-t~·~· · ~
· :. .,.: ·
1
,
L 3 · .~
2
:1 .· .;,"·· 4·.< 'ii~ WEEKEj]a .
·, c
HOURS[U]
'"
0)
Q)
!Sometimes
i
T J1e furniture sits very still aga.inst the walls
N o ex11rcssiou Jies in t he grains of any piece
The persistent ringing mutilates silence
Memo1·ies of similar scenes linger
Patternecl emotions thrust tlirougl1 the
a6nospl1ere into my ln·aiu
Intense delusions proc
luce powe1·ful
sensations of clelight
I know it was cold then
I heard people walking
by outside .
but 1' m not bald anymore
andvouactuallybeiieYe
I m 'a girt.
'
\Vhen I met you yesterday .
YOU swum
d o'ie
,
ihroug h the chick.
air.
in
Burring myfoce
into the thin cloth
of vour shitt
the salty dampness
seeps through to m sbn.
r
I' l1 neYer get the Clash
It's 3:15 a.m.
Where is your fungus?
om of mv stereo.
�SEASIDE.-
07.0NE I
OZO:m I OZONE: I
T l1t1,0 • h'lY-l11• la J orhrnthnlr,,,.1ftn<1• ··f•1'.l•1,,,,1.J A',.ll·•r.1 I
11·.."'uOt•ll ol Tilr.f l"'"ur u ... r<1r<1m1n<!a•"''' Ln r •ko ~h., U'nl1
lt11.11, •• to bf-h11•l o1_!f, ~t on,\~•nr.1.~ HoT~r.,
i°"
~l. L1uirr('ll("l .. llll · l~·:1, 1~1~ o! 1 ·~ ·111rt.
Tock Sat on a Raft In a Sea of Rats
1n~~r~ 4~~'!~tt0,..~~~:,f 1 ~':.;'!~~,~~~·H••.·1.,• In &iu1 .llu~J l\re ril'tl.1m
by stay jovinll
And Tick looked on from the shore,
helpless as a buttonless stopwatch;
Tock wailed lonely
and Tick remained,
cutting himself with the past.
Tock called out "Surprise will fall through your f~ce.
with the sound of rotten mellon nppmg
when your money-changer's tables
are overturned in the temple
of Eternal Now
by the push of a simple mirror,
and yet still,
you will remain oblivious
and I will be the victim ..."
--
So there's a bald guy. And
people keep telling him how
bald he is. So he has "I
know" tattooed on his scalp.
People now tell him there's
something written on his
forehead. "Really?" he says.
"I 'II be damned." And he
was right. No matter what he
did, he WAS damned. So he
went around in a devil
costume, damning himself all
day long. "Damnit" he would
say. "Damn me to hell."
Nobody told him he was bald
anymore, because what if he
were Satan? When he died,
he went to hell, damnit. And
the autopsy was perfonned on
his costumed former self. A
clumsy new a<;sistant dropped
formaldehyde on him.
·."_;~
/\1 /: .,-
(5:::;:c
, ._ ~-~ .•\1
/~~~pS~~t,~fted· th"e .cJumsy
new assistant. Down m hell
was felt a cold splash on the
legs. It assuaged the intense
pain. "Don't worry" said the
head mortician. "I don't think
he knows you spilled that
formaldehyde on him." A
chuckle. Then the head
mortician went to the head of
the table to examine the head
of the dead satan-likc man.
He was aghast, and lost his
head. "You're fired" he told
the clumsy new assistant. "I
know" replied the newly
homeless fired man. "I'm on
fire" said the knowledgeable
man in his new home.
"You're homeless for a
reason," said the businessman
to the homeless man.
,
"You're on. fire for a reason"
said the knowledgeable man'
to the newly arrived
businessman. "What's the
reason?" screamed the blazing
businessman in crazed
confusion. "It's none of my
business." He was of course
being coy. He knew.
'
MANUAL ALPHABET
LEARN TO TALK TO \'OUR FRIENDS
}
~ fl} ~ ~ ~ ~·~ ~ .
~~~~~· m~w
~ ..' ~ ·' ~ ~ ~ ~· ~ \~ ~\:
• .
s
'
.,
"
z
qi
A
.•
<
0
I
II
l
..
C
Ho
w .
- ---· -·- -· ----·-
r,
f
..
•
.
SI!OOTING SEASo.:;,·-Soi-v icM ,.f Plato
t
H
O
.,
�
Dublin Core
The Dublin Core metadata element set is common to all Omeka records, including items, files, and collections. For more information see, http://dublincore.org/documents/dces/.
Type
The nature or genre of the resource
Newspaper
Title
A name given to the resource
The Rat's Ass, October 6, 1995, Volume 04, Issue 08
Subject
The topic of the resource
Newspapers, Publications, Satires, Zines, 1995 Fall
Description
An account of the resource
This issue of The Rat's ass dates from October 8, 1995. On the front page Tom Logue discusses on why we should be a Friendly Neighborhood. Jhey Witherspoon tells us why he skipped school. Ramt Oxinf talks about his daydreams. On the last page D.C. Drake tells us a story about a balm man who went around damning people.
Creator
An entity primarily responsible for making the resource
Tom Logue, Jhay Witherspoon, Ramt Oxinf, David Sears, Stay Joviall, Planet Klaire, D.C. Drake
Source
A related resource from which the described resource is derived
Dlynx
Publisher
An entity responsible for making the resource available
Memphis, Tenn. : Rhodes College Archives and Special Collections
Rights
Information about rights held in and over the resource
Rhodes College owns the rights to the archival digital objects in this collection. Objects are made available for educational use only and may not be used for any non-educational or commercial purpose. Approved educational uses include private research and scholarship, teaching, and student projects. For additional information please contact archives@rhodes.edu. Fees may apply.
Format
The file format, physical medium, or dimensions of the resource
PDF
The Rat's Ass
-
http://archives.rhodes.edu/files/original/fdd14e28f0e99b3ab0b3ead80e490b0d.pdf
c4bf4df4d13a0e56e655843a451005f8
PDF Text
Text
~elps You
Y,,J""'le ' I
Overcome
ltlak-,. 2 ;sve 8
f FALSE TEETH
with # 1.
Communism is simply
the answer to the
following equation:
government
+compassion
Hhy? Because the
whole thing was run
by a perfect crosssection of humanity:
you had greed, hunger
it has recently come
for power, impatience,
to my attention that
and whining.
You see, this is the
communists are made
Please don't get me
main problem people
fun of a lot in our
wrong. I like America,
have with communism:
present society. To
they would have to be really. It's neat, and
all of you who partireally big. And I think
nice. Communism
cipate in this partiAmerica could benefit
involves thinking of
cular form of ridicule
others and respecting from a little commI have but one word:
unism. But I don't
them, talents, short "Phooey."
like the "love-itcomings, and all. It
I am a communist. I
or-leave-it' mentality
involves other stuff
haven't told my
too, like distribution That's not what this
parents yet; I'm
country is about (it's
of weal th, which
waiting for the right
rumored). And I don't
means the virtual
time. But there are a
elimination of hunger, like ignorance.
few issues I'd like
homelessness, etc.
to address.
(God forbid that; we
Yes, this whole
1) Communism ain't
have to have someone
was written on a typereally that bad.
to throw spare
writer. You know us,
2 } No, really, it
change a t s o we can
we' re kind of behind
i sn ' t .
go to sleep at night.} on technology.
01 -ay 'f 2 It means you W r1G LIVE THE GLORIOUS
c~ 1 ~ ~~e enough t o
ArID VALIANT PROLETARIAT
buy a yacht to match
STRUGGLE AG\INST Tl~
WILL THIS
your canvas shoes. But
OPPRESSIVE BOURCEOI
you know, it's those
CAPITALIST REGIME!
kind of sacrifices
Thank you and have a
that build character•
good night•
I think now is an
opportune time to point
out that those "damn
.
commie Soviet bastards"
f ~
or ,.e
·
Prov en formula"ma<kabi..w,.,
who threatened our way
'";'
of life, if not our
:~u~!:,:0;-;:h:::'h;:~i:
oction .. ho w
..
f
very existence, or
f,~'t;~~·~~;;":«;:;~~ ·
t t Comm
,ma11 perce n1oge ct 1hi
4 5 years weren
;:~1; 0:~0 ;;;;10•~·,;:~~1
unists. Sorry.
~
~~: .:n:~~c~~~1~h=
Just a n article
by
tom logue
:1
••
I
I
.
'
'
-
'l1fji
NEW
SHAMPOO MAKE
MY BRISTLES
AS GOOD
AS
-~PROLON?
lo ~oke
:lj
' 3•
th t
a
s
eop le c:; ay
•
•t
communic:m 1S OU
ome p
:
•
Sahsfact1on Guara nteed
-
dated' that J. t is no
longer a viable theory o
I think that human
beings suck, and that
we are no longer a
viable species. It's
not a matter of communism not working,
it's that it never
~r + h ~ l f ~ chance.
..
0
:::;e:d~r':o~O 1':1i:!U~
-If YOU WAHl TO.
f our fu end'
bovl'ld lo
v If w e G UA RAN TEfyovwcce,u Yourdu1r•~
io reo l1l v
~~~~~d
IS
Th~idb:~~e,sv:~,r~~·~h~~';'~nd,h:r;:
~~ev':~! ':~~l~;oll~ ;-noc:;l,:,~~I~~ ;:~~t;v.robo~~!~ :::dJ
."' ;;~~~a~~l~ '~;;E~RCH So d l z Alha mb,a, Calo!~
�Streaking: One Way to Get a B.A.
~:i;:_: '.~~' " - ,• '
I
.. ::· ... .
i~~. ::~:
......_..,...., ..
... ........... ,,... ...-··., .
llU • \'1 • 'Pl! • '>I
• ·l"! 'n ,..,,r ' ' •
I"
·•\
...
~~.:. ~::~~: .,::~ :~_:.~:. ~
I·"
:' l~f ..''. , '.'~ : · .' ",.l',
~".
.......,..... , ........."'"" .. .:......................
.
..... ·. ,,,::
••ot ()ti'.
1 ·1 .. ,
:'~.:;·...·;;~.:.:::.: ~:;:.:
Rat's Ass: So,uh, Mr. Satan,
how long have you been attending Rhodes College.
An ti-Christ: Since the
Masons founded it, actually·
But right now I am posing as
a senior.
RA: What are your views on
the current state of evil at
Rhodes?
or
..
Horror Punk Rock Song
Wizened angel of death, you're
Too old to reap; you can only
Gnaw at a young girl's.ank~es.
This encounter on a ram-slicked
Highway, you scythe with a
Road sign, impaling
Windshield glass.
1
th
' ;}
ilt
j,
"'I 1
Old beat-up Chevys can't cruise too good
Wrapped around a teleP.hc;me pol.e.
Your teenage lips wont kiss again
With that pretty little head
In your own lap.
Hope lies in the miracle of modem
· · .·~ Science,
And the gentle craft of robbing graves.
My queen
Myfover
~'
My Cadavera!
~
Marilyn's body with a schoolgirl's head,
The pinnacle of tonight's delights.
She'll keep loving long after you're dead.
See the stitches? Turn out the lights.
[!aaaaaaa rrrrrrrrrr
i'llsmashdashbashaskulland-giveafewkicks-in-theribs--mydadlikesguns-andhasbunches-bu Hhi nki 'llgo-dowu-tow1t-a11dgetag1111,
just-for-the-feel-of-i ti;
ADVICE
' ..... , , . . ... . . . . . . "
~,',
A-C: Well, not a had way to
make a living ... l've lately
found hitter polemics in
underground newspapers to
be a useful tool.
RA: What has been the focu.
of these polemics, in
general?
A-C: Oh, you know, the usu<l
sort of stuff you fl nd at
, every college: bitter
diatribes against the
administration, meaninglP.ss
poems, and a penchant for
the pointless. But excuse
me I must be going .
RA; One last question, Mr.
Satan When shaving, do yo
prefe~ a brush or a roller?
A-C: Lime.
smile and nod
in kurt reply:
Another person
whose name
I don't know
has greeted me like an old friel!d.
Vertigo a go-go
or
I'm too immature to appreciate
That Hitchcock film
Jimmy Stewart didn't need no talk
To get off
Kim Novak's clothes.
When she almost drowned, that's when
He had her
Over to his apartment.
_
} . 1 ~, 0 1· '- ;· :v.t~
.
'
..
.}.·~f~it.~:..::::.
·.:'···'.~-~,
'.·
.
'
.
:.
- ·- ..
'·.
l
·· The cat blew another note on his trumpet; the TV screen
' went blanh. He intoned, "Night has just fr,lfer1" --------~--
�., po\nts
\{eep to\\ 0 •
...
'
·
'
DOVI ..
~
.,.
Martin Fox's criticism in this issue of the Rat's Ass has become entirely
concerned with itself, allowing a silly amount of self-referentiality. By
isolating itself as a signifier which points exclusively towards itself, it
circumvents modes of critical discourse which, have, of course, been
assimilated by the ruling classes, as a prop to the hegemony of bipolar
thought, a fetish of hierarchical organization within a post-cultural strata
invoked by the exchange of play and structure. Although he addresses none
of these concerns, the interjection of a text in variance with this system
clearly points towards the implication of critique. It would have been vastly
improved, however, if it had alluded to Proust.
�
Dublin Core
The Dublin Core metadata element set is common to all Omeka records, including items, files, and collections. For more information see, http://dublincore.org/documents/dces/.
Type
The nature or genre of the resource
Newpaper
Title
A name given to the resource
The Rat's Ass, October 28, 1994, Volume 03, Issue 08
Subject
The topic of the resource
Newspapers, Publications, Satires, Zines, 1994 Fall
Description
An account of the resource
This issue of The Rat's ass dates from October 28, 1994. The was the "To HELL WITH EVERYBODY" issue. On the front page is "just an article" by Tom Logue which talks about communists in our society. Juan Oliptante brings up Horror Punk Rock Songs and the lyrics they follow. On the final page is a criticism of Martin Fox's criticisms.
Creator
An entity primarily responsible for making the resource
Tom Logue, Juan Oliptante, A-C Lime
Source
A related resource from which the described resource is derived
Dlynx
Publisher
An entity responsible for making the resource available
Memphis, Tenn. : Rhodes College Archives and Special Collections
Rights
Information about rights held in and over the resource
Rhodes College owns the rights to the archival digital objects in this collection. Objects are made available for educational use only and may not be used for any non-educational or commercial purpose. Approved educational uses include private research and scholarship, teaching, and student projects. For additional information please contact archives@rhodes.edu. Fees may apply.
Format
The file format, physical medium, or dimensions of the resource
PDF
The Rat's Ass
-
http://archives.rhodes.edu/files/original/cdff95bd788106fc470c46fd95cfb41f.pdf
74ce6647810e2ebd91dc5e089cd60c34
PDF Text
Text
S
OoM r N ~ -,- x:
Pf;::C:C ~ L
~
p
I
s
0
0
0 '"''
E:
Whar-'s
your
excuse?
"My O\\ n, aii11otrt.>h it.-.; 11111nine ciui ci;
lcmporaiiiic..; 111 an updr;111 ol dJ<111111 ._. -. I''" " lic'l i
hcrc11 itl1 and hitlrcrlu. ,.
"Ant.I 11 hat's .1cit11· poini , \l ()rl-.111µ IHi1 :'
H.ampm1t hoilcniois lcu1 inf! <JJ1 il1L· llc'\i dr;1111
.Juggle me a rnc. ;siah, 11<111· 1 1 ;1 ·r"Fi .\ .ali1 e and cllc11c11sc1wc. "lr1111 ci1w cd
flowing cuuntc1 -pupp_ lorcst.1 · . .le" i;il
1
'
lorpcuoc.\ ol' d _ '-'lopiw1 ice crea111 d11 pp111e1.,. ·
'
1
"Cabbage me IH>I , .i<ll ior - 111<
'
111. \\-/r('11·" llw
bacon arril(.'. d1 T
"Fctidhorscl-11uis 11<11 <'ll ilrc µ 1ci1111 l111c
!hangs. Mobili/.c hardc11cd ci\irap 11;i1n111 e
cl i ppcrs. "
"Who' s count int! !he gi1 ens. M 1. l 'li11-.;i '.1 111111µ
reel uses or loriJ
siopra.\ 'l"
'
"You bore me. l nccc.J anc ii lier 1uli...
'Tic a/really applied lor ilH· pc;..,,,,<1n .·
"You m;11· list Ill<.' <1-; a rclcrcncc ...
"But I am )Our c111plo~cr. '·
ch
"Oh.''
"Don' l mcnlio11 i l. .,
"Form s i m pl) is."
" I kno\\'"
"No, bu! l'll lcl )Ou co11ii!llH' lo tlrinl-. i/Ju1
'
II
OD
�Garlic Is Good.
The Rat .' s Ass™ is a trump thumpin
bump grumpin mid-evil somethin fierce
comin down your chimney with a
smile and a groove; all opinions
expressed all solely their author's
and aL·e not affiliated with Rhodes 0 •
Have a day. It's all yours.
A Dialogue.
By Jay Witherfunkengruven
Say Yes
ii 1 L 1tu
e
di
1cl riff18S ot
living maniac. Beat rne.
<-1
( .i 111:,,i illt1 i1vi11g ant1-Gocl.
It really does exist-I swear
it
.I
i i 11 l10~ pnninq to l t:el a bit antsy about the recent death
d0vt: lof.)1 i-1ent.
Wiiai should I do " I believe feeling-a-groove is what is
i1 ·1 orde( i he rJeatli development is only a secondary
l: onnection vvilh tht: beyond--Not important--Mortal
i1u111qs'i Ci10atic unn-1oralistic universe? Could it really
bt-1'? A1 8 we really iliat vulnerable? Fuck Yeah... Feel the
y1uuvt: ---lls all there , everytl1ing you ever desired.
·.
-!:!
;:s
~
':!
"'
2
........
-s::
,.,
, '
i lie previous was all part of one section of existence.
I hurtl 's n1orn 10 be had . More to feel·-· There is just
more l1emq to l)e done-- That 's All. Just being. That is
all Iiial 1s Hnporiant. Be Be Be Be !
BE~
• t. 1
i-'1
!
1
I \'
-~
2
~
Now shake that thang.
'
'
•
"Okay.
You asked for it.
On the way down
here, I walked backwards so that I could see
where, just a few seconds before, I thought I was
going to be."
"You must quit saying things like that, or
your life will get strange.
Plus, I'll take away
your festive beer huggie and start callin g you
'spooge muffin. '"
"That's not fair. You look much more like a
spooge muffin than I do, and my beer huggie i s not
only 'festive,' but downright ROWDY . . . sucka."
"Hm. Your hair is on fir e."
"Hey!
Whoa! !
How'd you do that?
Hair on
fire sucks."
"I'm a: creature from a higher plane posing
as a human.
I possess abilities to distort,
create, manipulate, and pulverize any bit of that
tiny portion of the uni verse you call 'rea lity'
with the merest evil thought inflection.
That
makes you my bitch."
"I saw you put that lighter back in your
pocket, ass-hole. You're nothing but a big stinky
weener-ma . . . WHOA!! I feel different . . . You
changed me into a Buddhist monk!
Ah, the h armony
of it all!
Hold on.
You can't just show me the
way like that I
Part of the destination is the
journey itself .
. What the hell am I saying?
I'm a presbyterian!!
Would you please just leave
me alone, crazy dialogue partner?"
"Not quite yet."
"AH ! AH ! AH !
Oh, dear heavens and hot-dog
buns!!
Did YOU just make my penis twelve feet
long and extend my colon twelve feet beyond the
lip of my sphincter?
This is all getting r eally
weird."
"NOW you are equipped for LOVIN FROM AN
ALIEN.
Stand on your head.
The blood that will
rush to your head provides good lubrication. "
"No, man, I quit.
This shit has gotten too
weird.
Really, man.
No, don't DO that.
Wait,
a re you humming the theme song to MacGyver? What
the hell! ! !
It's too weird.
Where's my swiss
army
knife?
IT'S
TOO
DAMN
WEIRD!!!!!!
AAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!"
�J. VPhosphatidylserine
~
() \\
\~ ~J_
.
Hard Knocks
0
.,,0 ·
End
hy
stay j1niall
Can:cnirig
headlong,
al/ of.c very lhino
cI
S_l<X >iJ ng bencathe me
like fdm on a pn~cclor
out ol control.
I ain
hurtling through space,
\\'here
nothing is,
I am flowing,
gro\\'i no
.
b'
going
going
and ha Its/ am
slopping i_ lo a dreamed trance
n
01 hypnol!c wakefulness,
a snull ed candle
and nuclear \veapon explodin
each second passing.
g
Pause.
Inhale.
Begin .
.J
PAGE
~
~
E
nergy F
rom
TheFar&st
·············································
�
Dublin Core
The Dublin Core metadata element set is common to all Omeka records, including items, files, and collections. For more information see, http://dublincore.org/documents/dces/.
Type
The nature or genre of the resource
Newspaper
Title
A name given to the resource
The Rat's Ass, February 16, 1996, Volume 04, Issue 20
Subject
The topic of the resource
Newspapers, Publications, Satires, Zines, 1996 Winter
Description
An account of the resource
This issue of The Rat's ass dates from February 16, 1996. This issue of The Rat's Ass is called the "Special Domination Episode." On the front page Xaft Minor gives us not a dialogue scene, but something close to it. Jhay Witherspoon gives an actual dialogue. On the last page Stay Joviall how the end may begin.
Creator
An entity primarily responsible for making the resource
Xaft Minor, Jhay Witherspoon, Stay Joviall
Source
A related resource from which the described resource is derived
Dlynx
Publisher
An entity responsible for making the resource available
Memphis, Tenn. : Rhodes College Archives and Special Collections
Rights
Information about rights held in and over the resource
Rhodes College owns the rights to the archival digital objects in this collection. Objects are made available for educational use only and may not be used for any non-educational or commercial purpose. Approved educational uses include private research and scholarship, teaching, and student projects. For additional information please contact archives@rhodes.edu. Fees may apply.
Format
The file format, physical medium, or dimensions of the resource
PDF
The Rat's Ass